Short
by oRpheusB20
Summary: While trying to make a potion to increase his height, Plague Knight ironically decreases it. Join him as he is forced to deal with an even less capable body than before!
1. Well, That Didn't Work!

**Good day! I have no clue why I'm posting this! Probably because I'm bored.**

 **...Definitely because I'm bored.**

 **Anyway, the premise of this is exactly as the summary says. Have fun!**

* * *

"And this will do what now?" Mona asked when Plague Knight handed her a recipe for his latest concoction.

Plague Knight fidgeted. "Well, it'll increase my height," he told her in a low voice.

Mona looked confused. "Why would you want this? Using a bomb-burst probably wouldn't be a viable option if you had any extra weight. The whole thing was designed around your current height and weight. Any more or less and you'll have to differentiate between your more powerful, likely more limited, bomb burst potions and your standard weaponry."

"But I don't want to be small!" Plague Knight growled. "I don't know why, but it's starting to get on my nerves that everyone is taller than me except Tinker. Forget it, you wouldn't understand, you're the tallest person in the village. Are you going to help me or not?"

Mona raised an eyebrow. "I don't see why not, but how is it going to work?"

"Ah, yes, about that… as much as I don't want to do it, the only way we could get it to work without messing with the brain's chemicals is with a pinch of magic." He held up a small bottle of somehow liquidized magic. How exactly it was obtained was beyond him, but apparently it was a long process involving a lot of chasing things around, so if they messed up and had to try again, they'd likely have to help get some more to cut a couple hours from the wait time.

"We're going to be using magic?" Mona asked, surprised.

"I know we don't normally use magic with alchemy, but I think we can make an exception this time."

Mona nodded. "If that's what you want."

"It is. Now let's get started!"

* * *

An hour later, they had made the desired potion.

"Are you sure about this?" Mona asked. "I mean, shouldn't we test it on another subject first? We've never tried anything like this, after all."

"We were only able to make enough for one person with the magic that the Magicist gave me. Trust me; it can't kill me more than once."

Before Mona could protest further, Plague Knight took the small bottle of their product and downed it.

They both sat there for several minutes, waiting.

"Well, it didn't kill me," Plague Knight concluded. "But it's not doing anything. I wonder what was wro-" Plague Knight stopped talking, cutting himself off mid-word. Mona looked at him worriedly.

"Plag-" She too paused mid-word. He was… shrinking. Mona probably would have laughed if she wasn't so worried, and knew that it would definitely hurt his feelings.

When his shrinking was done, he was half his normal height. Not only was he shorter vertically, but horizontally as well, so he was now as tall and skinny as a young child. His clothes and mask were not being affected by the potion, and thus did not change. His cloak barely stayed on at all, and was hanging half off his shoulder., his hood covering most of his face. His mask fell to around his neck, hanging there by the string that normally kept it in place. Due to his new height, it was easily as long as he was tall, and managed to hit the ground with a nice 'thud'.

The stunned look on his face would have been laughable if the situation wasn't so strange that it kept Mona from making a noise.

Plague Knight let out a whimpering sound that sounded vaguely akin to 'Huh?' as he looked over his new form.

"I don't think that worked," Mona said after a couple seconds, deciding for the moment that she wanted to be a smartass about the situation.

"No shit," Plague Knight squeaked in response. Mona couldn't tell if he squeaked because his voice had changed, he was just startled, or a combination of the two.

"What do we do?"

"I don't know." Plague Knight heaved a sigh, placing his face in his hands, which were covered by his sleeves, distressed by the outcome.

"I'll go get the Magicist," Mona said, turning for the door.

"Wait!" Plague Knight called out. Mona paused and looked back. "Can we not? I don't want this to get out."

Mona shook her head. "We need more magic if we hope to fix this mess, and you know it. We just need to make sure to keep her quiet."

"Alright, but what am I going to do? I look like a little kid! I won't even be able to walk around my own lab without being laughed at if they find out about this!"

"'They'? Who are you worried about, your minions? Just blow up any that do, they'll learn that you're still something to fear."

"But still…"

Mona could tell Plague Knight was uncomfortable about the whole mess, so she told him, "Very well then. We'll just have to fabricate a new persona for you."

"A what?" Plague Knight asked, confused.

"If you're stuck looking like a little kid, you might as well have some fun and act like one," Mona explained in a rather cryptic manner.

"You expect me to become the child that I look like?"

"Unless you want to reveal to your crew your little mishap."

"Fine. But how does a little kid act, exactly?"

Mona blinked in surprise. "Hyper," she replied after a moment of thought.

"That's it?"

"Obnoxious, needy, and overly curious."

"Ok, the latter one, I can pull off… I hope."

Mona nodded. "Good. Think about it while I go get the Magicist."

And so Mona left, leaving her now tiny partner to sit there and sulk. Moving around was not an option, unless he wanted to throw off his oversized (technically normal sized) clothes, which would be awkward as all hell when Mona returned with the Magicist. So, he settled with sitting down, grabbing his mask and chucking it across the room angrily. He scooted over to a nearby wall and leaned against it, closing his eyes with an aggravated sigh.

Several minutes passed, and Plague Knight didn't move, even with the door opened. "Plague Knight?" Mona called out as she entered. "What are you doing?" There was no response.

Mona walked over to him, crouching and poking him. He jumped, looking at her like she just popped up out of thin air. "Give me some warning!" He told her.

"I did, you just failed to notice."

Plague Knight grumbled something and leaned his head back on the wall.

"Aw, does someone need a hug?"

Plague Knight turned his head and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "What could that possibly do for me?"

Mona mirrored the look. "Have you had anyone show any affection towards you, ever?"

"My parents gave me a wide berth," Plague Knight explained.

Mona nodded in understanding; no one had particularly liked her either. But at least she knew what a hug could do for a person.

Feeling bad for her friend, she picked him up, pulling him into a hug more or less against his will. He didn't resist, but mostly because he was too confused to do anything. After a moment, he relaxed, and a small smile appeared on his face.

Several minutes passed, and the Magicist got annoyed. "Ahem?"

Mona and Plague Knight looked up at her. "Oops," Mona said sheepishly, hastily placing Plague Knight, who grumbled unhappily, back on the ground.

The Magicist looked at Plague Knight, who had swiftly returned to his withdrawn side. "What did you do, exactly?"

Mona got the recipe they had used.

After looking it over, she concluded, "You were using the magic all wrong."

"Well, excuse me for studying alchemy all my life instead of magic," Plague Knight replied grumpily.

"On the bright side, though, it's a simple fix, provided we can get the magic necessary for the act."

Plague Knight nodded. "And how do we get that?"

"It's… complicated. We'll have to do it in a couple days."

Plague Knight stamped his foot on the ground. "We'll do it today!" Mona tried and failed to suppress a snicker, which Plague Knight noticed. "What are you laughing at?"

"You," she informed him. "You unintentionally pull off the little kid act so well!"

Plague Knight scowled, which only served to increase Mona's laughter.

The Magicist, also seemingly amused, told him, "I'm afraid that's not possible. We need to gather the materials, the subjects from which we'll get the magic from… It's all a bit of a mess. You're just going to have to adjust to your new body for a couple of days."

Plague Knight sighed. "Fine."

"Good. Now, what was it you decided upon doing to keep your team from knowing?"

"I'm going to pose as a little kid."

"Have you decided upon a name?"

Plague Knight frowned. "No, I haven't." He looked up to Mona. "Got any bright ideas?"

"Um, Erebus?"

"What, no, where did you even get that?"

Mona shrugged. "I don't know. Thanatos?"

For several minutes, Mona suggested whatever came to her mind and Plague Knight would reject them in turn. Finally, she yelled, "Fine, you're Adam, and you're going to like it!"

"Wait, I don't get a say in this one?"

"No, you're going to shoot down my ideas all day if I give you the chance! So, you're now Adam."

"OK," Plague Knight (er, Adam) muttered, stunned enough that he wasn't going to come up with a snappy retort.

Mona picked him up. "Good, now that we've got that settled, we need to get you some clothes that actually fit."

"Wait, where are we going?"

"To the village, where else?"

Plague Knight wasn't overly happy with the idea, used to getting forced away with a potential mob if he was seen too close without a guard to calm the crowd. Once, he had been attacked when he was out of bombs because he had gone out on a combat-heavy mission that ran him dry of his weaponry, leaving him to punch a good number of people when trying to return. He never quite figured out how he got out of that mess alive.

Mona picked up on this easily, telling him, "Don't worry. They won't recognize you."

"But what if they do?"

"How could they? They don't know your face, and you have the body of a child. You're much more paranoid than you need to be."

"You kind of have to be," Plague Knight reminded her. "We're studying something that's illegal, and we're constantly stealing to get the ingredients we need. Why aren't you paranoid?"

"Because we cover our tracks well. I go up to the village often, and they never suspect a thing, though they don't exactly like me too much because they think I can't be bothered to get off my lazy ass to do anything."

Plague Knight snickered. She was the least lazy person he knew when she got really into something. Of course, the whole apathetic side of her was just a ploy, but it amused him to no end to know just how well it was working. "Well, then… Onwards to the village!"

* * *

 **So, the 'chapters' after this are all going to be a bunch of shorts that revolve around issues that arise when a short character is made shorter still. Poor Plaguey. So the title has a double meaning!**

 **If you think of a situation you want him to be in, tell me and I'll implement it. Otherwise, I'm not sure how long this will be. I do have a couple points in mind, so...**

 **Also, question. Why is Mona not one of the characters on the list!?**


	2. The Upperground

**I got two reviews! Seriously, you have no idea how giddy that makes me. Normally, if I post a story on a less than known side of fanfiction, I get nothing until a month or so after posting, maybe.**

 **Anyway, onward:**

 **Pozion: Yes, you should. And so should I. (Seriously, I don't actually have it, I'm just in love with it like everyone else.)**

 **ProwlerPercy: Yay, a request! You've given me two different ideas from that. Those will come Short 5 and 6, I think. Currently, I've just gotten to a plot point in 4, so... don't expect that too soon, but it will come, don't worry.**

* * *

Short 1

Once on the surface of the village, Plague Knight eagerly looked this way and that. While it was mostly for show, to make it look like he were a child visiting the area for the first time, he was truly excited because he was never able to get into the town in broad daylight, and even had a hard time under the cover of the night. The guards were strangely efficient at times.

While they made their way to wherever they were going, they got strange looks. 'What is it,' Plague Knight wondered, 'the fact that Mona 'got off her lazy ass' or that I'm a strange new child, or a combination of the two?' He couldn't quite figure it out.

Mona brought him into a store. The man working there looked up and blinked, seemingly surprised.

"Mona?" He questioned.

"Yeah," Mona answered, setting Plague Knight down on the counter. "Can you get this guy some new clothes?"

The man looked at Plague Knight, who gazed back. Finally, he replied, "Sure, give me a moment."

The man rushed away.

"Man, what's his deal?" Plague Knight asked.

"He, like everyone else, thought that I must have been stuck to my chair, but was too lazy to call for help," Mona explained.

"Won't people question why I'm with you, then?"

"Most definitely. For now, your story is that you're a little orphan that I felt bad for and decided to pick up, alright?"

"How'd my parents die?"

"House fire," Mona answered, and after a second of thought, she added, "Arson."

Plague Knight nodded, satisfied.

The man came back with some clothes. "I wasn't sure what size, but I think this should work," he told them, handing them to Plague Knight.

Though he felt a little odd about the act, Plague Knight proceeded to remove his oversized robe, swiftly slipping the more appropriate sized clothes on.

"So, who's the kid?" The man asked Mona.

"Ah, he's an orphan I found. His parents died in a house fire. I couldn't just leave him, you know?"

The man nodded. "What's his name?"

"Adam."

"What's his age?"

Mona stiffened at this, having never thought about it. The man didn't notice, however, as her gestures were always rather subtle if you didn't get to know her.

Plague Knight noticed this dilemma and decided to save her. "I'm seven," he told the man, saying the first age that seemed about right for his height.

"Oh, is that so?" The man asked, seemingly amazed. "You're pretty tall for a seven-year old."

"I am?" Plague Knight asked, bewildered.

"Yes, indeed. Not so much that I can't believe your age, but mighty close!" The man laughed heartily. Plague Knight laughed alongside the man, but it was more of a 'holy crap, that was close' sort of nervous laugh.

Mona was silent as the males laughed. She set money on the counter and picked Plague Knight back up. "Thank you for your help," she told the man, turning and walking out, while Plague Knight, in an attempt to keep up appearances, whined, 'I can walk on my own!' to which Mona completely ignored him.

"God help that poor soul," the man whispered as they exited, somewhat worried for Plague Knight's well-being.

* * *

 **The man says that at the end because he's worried that Mona's 'chronic laziness' will cause her to fail in taking care of 'Adam,' just in case you couldn't understand that (which I won't blame, because I'm sure that I would have been a little confused as well).**

 **Anyway, next short! Plague Knight gains a new enemy!**

 **See it hopefully by Monday!**


	3. The Most Hated Enemy

**Hey, it's Monday and I'm uploading this! I'm honestly really shocked. I'm also really shocked by the fact that I managed to get 7 visitors on the second chapter, 12 on the first, and yet no favs or follows. I'm really just not sure if that's because I suck or it's just because I'm on the slightly more obscure side of this site. Regardless, I love you all.**

 **Oh, yes, and... Short 6 & 7\. Unless I get horribly sidetracked (which you should expect) that's when the only request will show up.**

* * *

Short 2

Plague Knight stared up at his new most hated enemy. His bed.

Yes, his bed was the new foe of which he could not conquer. He had tried numerous times to get onto it, but he found his leg muscles had died a little in the transformation, and he could only jump about half his height. The problem in the situation being that the bed was as tall as he was, so he could only get his torso up there, but not his legs, leaving him flailing for a couple moments before falling.

Growling angrily, he backed up and got a running start, jumping and slamming into the side of the bed once more, this time succeeding in driving all breath from his lungs and flopping to the ground without any attempt to pull himself up.

After regaining some of the lost air, Plague Knight let out a sharp, frustrated cry, before just sitting there, glowering at the bed and plotting his revenge.

There was a knock at the door, startling him from his thoughts of blowing up his bed. Mona peeked into the room, the look on her face indicating that she was confused and a little worried.

"You aren't dying over here, I trust?"

"No," Plague Knight grumbled.

"Then what's going on here?"

Plague Knight whispered in a voice that he was sure Mona wouldn't be able to actually discern, "I can't get onto my bed."

Mona raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

In response, Plague Knight mumbled his issue again.

"I'm sorry; I understand 'mumble mumble.'"

"Actually, it's 'mumble mumble mumble,' Plague Knight corrected.

"I don't care. What is your issue?"

Plague Knight stood and gestured to his bed. Mona looked back and forth between the two until it dawned on her. She let out a small snicker before snuffing the rest of her laughter. "You're too short to get on your bed?

Plague Knight nodded unhappily.

Mona let another short chuckle escape from her before walking forward, easily picking him up and dropping him on the bed.

Plague Knight understandably looked grumpy as she did so, and muttered a small 'Thanks,' when she was done.

"We'll get you a stepladder or something tomorrow, alright?" Mona promised, trying to cheer him up.

Plague Knight nodded, still annoyed.

Mona gently pat his head, to which he jerked away in surprise. "Goodnight," she told him, an amused look on her face.

"Night," Plague Knight muttered, crawling under his sheets.

* * *

 **This is probably the shortest one of these shorts will ever be, but I love it anyway. It's the first real thought that came to me for this story. Everything else came later.**


	4. Obtaining Breakfast

**I got a favorite and follow! I'm really sorry if you just felt obligated because I was being pathetic! (No backing out now, though!)**

 **You know, I'm starting to debate on just how often I should put out these chapters. So far, it's been an odd combination of waiting until I finish the next short that I'm working on, and waiting for more than 2 people to see the last one, but it takes a shocking amount of time for more than 2 people to even see it. Hell, for all I know, half of the time, it's actually just counting me because I go onto a particular chapter to look at something because I can't be bothered to do so on Word.**

 **How often are you guys bothered enough to check this site? Seriously, I want to know this so I don't feel like my efforts are going to waste.**

 **Anyway, sorry for annoying you. Go read now.**

* * *

Short 3

(Day 1)

Plague Knight woke with a growling stomach. Unsurprising, considering that in all the excitement of the day before, he completely neglected to even think of food.

With a groan, he rolled out of bed, completely forgetting that he was half his normal height and as a result didn't notice that his feet didn't immediately touch the floor until it was too late and he dropped a small distance and his face firmly planted itself on the floor.

There was silence for a moment as he just laid there and didn't move. Finally, he raised his head off the ground slightly and covered his mouth, letting out a muffled scream of frustration. Normally, he'd just start chucking potions to relieve his aggravation, but he didn't want Mona to come in wondering what the hell he was doing. She was already probably worried enough to the point where she wouldn't think that he was just trying to get out some of his hostility towards the universe.

After a moment, Plague Knight managed to compose himself to the point where he was only mildly upset. And hungry, as his stomach was quick to remind him.

With an annoyed growl, though whether it came from him or his stomach was debatable, Plague Knight picked himself up, wandering out to the kitchen, having to resist the urge to murder someone when he had trouble simply reaching the handle to his door.

Eventually, he managed to make his way into the kitchen, immediately wondering how he was going to even so much as get to the bread. It briefly crossed his mind that he could get a hold of a somewhat weak potion and bomb-burst up there, but then he remembered Mona's reminder the day before, that it was designed around his previous height and weight, and that any change would lead to the potions being a less than safe option. Even if it were the weakest he'd even designed, it would still send him careening into the ceiling.

With the more explosive option out the window (and probably blowing up a nearby cat), Plague Knight was left to think more creatively. He looked around his immediate surroundings to see if he couldn't create a makeshift ladder of sorts from whatever was lying about. 'A bucket; that might be useful…' he noted, spotting a broom not far from it, and wondering it that might be of use.

Several minutes later, Plague Knight had succeeded in gathering a large number of items, placing them in a creatively compact way that looked both unstable and highly dangerous. Plague Knight, however, didn't care about how stupid the plan was, because his fearless nature could also be considered stupidly reckless, and he was really craving some of the bread that awaited him at the top!

Plague Knight started to climb his little structure. Five seconds later, it collapsed, making an unfortunately loud racket. He cringed, not wanting any one to come and investigate, lest they find out about his pathetic predicament.

There were hurried footsteps coming from one entrance of the kitchen. Plague Knight, in a panic, immediately scuttled away out the other end with all due haste, all thoughts of a nice breakfast fleeing from his mind with all the organization of a recently blown-up body, that is to say, there was none.

Plague Knight dashed down a random hallway, terrified for reasons even he wouldn't be able to figure out even if he could gather his scattered thoughts. He was well aware that someone was chasing after him, coming closer, closer, with ease, driving him to run all the more. He dived into a crowd of his minions, all of whom failed to recognize him, so they just stopped and stared, confused, which quickly turned into surprise when they spotted his pursuer.

Finally, the person following Plague Knight caught up to him, grabbing him from behind and lifting him off the ground. Plague Knight let out a yelp and struggled to get away for a moment until he heard a familiar voice hiss, "Stop struggling, _Adam_."

Plague Knight paused and turned his head, for some reason mildly surprised to find Mona was the one holding him. She didn't seem particularly worn out, but she was panting lightly.

"Why did you run?" She questioned.

"I… don't know," Plague Knight admitted sheepishly.

"What were you trying to do?"

"Get breakfast." Plague Knight internally cringed by how stupid that sounded.

Mona was… surprised, to say the least. "That's it?"

"…Yes."

Mona sighed. "Come on, then." She really had no reason to say this, as she had yet to place Plague Knight down on the floor, so it's not like he had an option. He decided against mentioning it, though, as his legs were tired from the sprinting, even though he swore he'd done way worse without so much as a mild ache before.

A minute later, the two reentered the kitchen. Plague Knight cringed when he found that his toppled tower had created an absolute mess. Normally, he wouldn't worry about it, but he was feeling unusually guilty about it, almost as though he felt absolutely flabbergasted that he wasn't punished for doing something so stupid. What was he, a child? He had the height of one, not the mind!

Mona waded through the mess, not even making mention of it, likely thinking that he felt bad enough as it was without her chewing him out. "Alright, what do you want?" She asked.

"Just some bread, maybe something to go with it," Plague Knight answered.

"Very well, then," Mona said, grabbing a piece of stale bread (no one had gone shopping in a while) from the stack and walking over to the fridge. "We got blueberry, raspberry-"

Plague Knight cut her off, demanding, "I want strawberry."

Mona cast a confused glance his way. Rarely did he demand something when it came to something as insignificant as jam. Plague Knight realized this almost as quickly, and promptly lowered his head into his hands. "What the hell?" he whined.

Mona retrieved the requested (demanded) jam and returned to the counter, grabbing a knife and smearing some of the substance on the bread before handing it to Plague Knight (all without putting him down, for some reason).

Plague Knight took the food and munched on it with a lack of cheer (not that he was ever cheerful, mind you).

Mona easily took notice of this and said, "Maybe we can have someone evaluate your psyche."

"Yeah," Plague Knight muttered. "My behavior is starting to really concern me. But who can we get that knows how to assess such a thing? Normal people would just say I'm mature for a kid my age, and if we told them who I really am, they'd freak!"

Mona nodded. "Let's go talk to the Magicist. Maybe she'll have an idea."

Plague Knight didn't complain at the idea as she started walking.

* * *

 **And Plague Knight is acting like a little kid. I think you have at least a decent idea where this is going. If you don't, how do you not? I've literally spelled it out for you!**

 **By the way, I've realized at some point that I've been writing Plague Knight's speech without his laughter tic. Does anyone really notice and/or care? I can change it with minimal effort if now that it's pointed out, if someone's bothered by it.**

 **Anyway, next chapter! Plague Knight learns what's up with his behavior!**


	5. Is Youth Really That Bad? Yes, Yes It Is

**I'm sorry for anyone who actually waits for this. I noticed that my view count shot up like a delayed firework after 'S is for Shovel and K is for Knight' updated, therefore I'm drawing the conclusion that it's best to space my updates a little and wait for whenever that updates, though I'm sure it's just as inconsistent as me. I planned on uploading this one on the 12th... Oops? Bah, I was working on another, more overdue story, anyway.**

 **Anyway, none of my questions are being answered! What the hell? Am I really _that_ boring?**

* * *

Short 4

Mona and Plague Knight reached the Magicist in a matter of minutes.

"We have an issue," Plague Knight informed her.

The Magicist looked to them. "What, that Mona never seems to put you down anymore and is acting like your mother?"

Mona seemed surprised by this and hastily plopped Plague Knight back on the ground, saying, "It's only been two days. And no, it's that Plague Knight is starting to act like he's a little kid. He demanded strawberry jam for his bread 5 minutes ago."

The Magicist looked shocked and glanced about the immediate area.

"What are you doing?" Plague Knight asked.

"Looking for the alien pod," the Magicist replied smoothly, moving on swiftly when she realized neither alchemist was amused. "Maybe… no, you couldn't have."

"What?" The shortened knight asked, getting worried.

"I'm thinking that you messed up the potion worse than we thought."

"How?"

"I think you may have changed your age, not height."

"What?!" Both alchemists shrieked.

"Yes, not exactly ideal, is it? At least we caught it, right? If you hadn't realized until after we made the reversal potion, you likely would have been abnormally stretched, or nothing would have happened at all and 12 chickens would have died for nothing."

"Wait, what about 12 chickens?" Plague Knight asked, but was ignored.

"Anyway, I assume that the child-like behavior is an unfortunate byproduct of this."

"Anything else we have to worry about?" Mona asked.

"I'm assuming that you've noticed a change in your muscles?"

"Yeah, I can't even jump half my height now. Do you know how long it to me to build up my leg muscles so I could actually get around anywhere beyond my lab?"

The Magicist nodded. "As I feared. It's also likely that your bones are weaker, too."

Plague Knight groaned. "But they were already so pathetic to begin with!"

The Magicist nodded again. "Yes, so don't go falling out of a tree."

"Why would I be in a tree?"

"I don't know. Be careful regardless."

"What are you, my mother?"

"No, that's Mona's job."

"Excuse me, what?" Mona piped up.

"Oh yeah, I hope you never planned on dating him, because you'll be seeing him as your son more than anything else by the end of this."

Mona was rather annoyed at this. "I am not his mother, nor will I take up the responsibly. He is perfectly capable of taking care of himself."

"Didn't you have to be there just so he could get his breakfast earlier?"

"Yeah, but he just needs a stepladder or something."

"Fair enough, but there are more than enough places that he can't reach now, so you're either going to have to buy a lot of stepladders, or you're going to end up lugging one around for him, and after a day you'll likely just resign to your fate."

Mona fixed the Magicist with a glare. "I'm done here," she growled, turning and stalking away.

Plague Knight blinked, not entirely sure what just happened. "OK… anything else that might be of concern?"

"Uh, your immune system may have taken a hit, therefore allowing for a fair dose of irony in the off-chance you get sick."

Plague Knight groaned.

* * *

 **Very short, I know. I'm sure it will get better, right? Right? Yeah, right. I think.  
**

 **Anyway, I'm not sure if it will really pan out, but I do kind of want that to be a small sub-plot, where the Magicist annoys Mona about taking up the role of her now young crush. So sad!**


	6. I'm Not Sure What To Name This

**I haven't finished writing up the next chapter like I had planned, but it's my birthday tomorrow! So I figured I'd celebrate with the few people that read this a tad early in case I can't tomorrow and upload a chapter for this and hopefully my Rhythm Thief fanfiction as well, though I'll likely not finish that.**

* * *

Short 5

Mona took to avoiding Plague Knight after the earlier chat with the Magicist, bitterly refusing to become his mother of all things.

The aforementioned knight-turned-child attempted to talk to her several minutes after she walked off, but she remained silent and hid behind her indifferent mask, making it clear that she was in no mood to speak to him. And so, he walked away, looking rather dejected along the way, making her feel horrible for the action, or lack thereof.

Deciding that she needed to get away, she made her way up to the village, intent on at least buying some less than stale bread.

While up there, she was stopped by a woman she recognized as a young mother, not too much older than she was.

"Oh, Mona!" She called out enthusiastically.

Mona stopped and turned to look at the woman. "Yes, can I help you?"

"Word of mouth says that you've adopted a little boy!"

"Technically, although I prefer to think of it as just taking him in until I can locate his next-of-kin and can send him with them. I have no intention of taking over the mother role. So?"

The young mother nodded. "So, I was thinking that we could organize a play date for him and my child."

Mona blinked, having not expected that. "Uh, yeah, sure. When?"

Several minutes passed, and the two women decided upon Mona bringing 'Adam' over to her house in 30 minutes.

Mona was left somewhat stunned by how easily the older woman had opened up to her by the time she had left. Most people avoided her like she was the plague that she secretly assisted in her boat-loads of free time.

Arriving back at the lab, Mona wandered about for a good couple minutes trying to find Plague Knight, eventually locating him in his room. Too short to get onto his bed, and lacking a stepladder to allow him access, he had taken to just curling up in a corner, seemingly sulking.

"What are you doing?" Mona asked softly.

Plague Knight jumped, apparently having missed the door creaking open. "Oh, hi," he muttered.

"What's wrong?" Mona asked, seating herself beside him.

"Nothing," he lied, a lie so obvious a blind, deaf, and brain-dead insect could tell that it was.

"You're horrible at lying," Mona informed him. "Spit it out."

"Alright. I just get the feeling that you hate me for this whole 'mother' fiasco."

Mona shook her head. "No, I don't. If I'm going to hate anyone, it's going to be the Magicist. She really had no reason to word it like she did."

"What do you mean?" Plague Knight asked.

"Well, she said 'I hope you never planned on dating him.' And if I did care to do that, I have no choice in the matter? I just wish that she didn't come off as so rude when she said it."

"You don't have to assume the mother role, you know," Plague Knight told her. "I'm used to not having a mother around. If there must be a title, then let's have it be the…" he hesitated for a moment before somehow spitting out, "'Concerned Girlfriend'."

Mona snorted. "Oh, and now I don't have a say in this position?"

"No, you do. If you're the doting mother, then you're stuck for life. If you're just the concerned girlfriend, you can back out at any point you get fed up with me," Plague Knight explained.

"Ok, that makes sense, but why girlfriend instead of just friend?"

Plague Knight's face turned a light shade of pink as he explained. "I doubt just a friend would have such reactions to my predicaments."

"Normally, no, but it seems the child-like parts of you have actually sparked the mother within, which is why I hate it so much," Mona explained, trying to pass off the real reason as something unrelated.

"Really?" Plague Knight asked.

"Yes, and I hate it." Mona stood. "Come on, it's time to go."

Plague Knight stood hesitantly. "Where are we going?"

Mona blinked. "Oh, I didn't tell you, did I?"

"No, you didn't. What is it?"

"Well… While I was up at the village," she paused before sighing in a defeated tone. "…And that reminds me that I failed to get the bread." Another sigh escaped her lips. "Anyway, I ran into a young mother who was all too excited to know that you arrived. And so, now you have a play date with her kid."

Plague Knight's mouth dropped in surprise. "Excuse me?"

Mona snickered at his reaction. She repeated slowly, in a motherly tone just to irk him, "You have to go and be social for once."

"Oh, hell no!" Plague Knight yelled, frightened.

"It's not that bad."

"Yeah, but you were at least raised in a semi-social environment! I was rarely even let out of the house!"

"Why would your parents stop you? Didn't they fear you?"

"They didn't necessarily fear me. And just because they avoided me as much as physically possible didn't mean they weren't strict as all hell."

Mona nodded in understanding. "We're still going, you know."

"Dammit."

* * *

 **And scene!**

 **You know, I wonder why I'm posting these anymore. I'm hardly in the mood for it anymore, Wings is a far more important project. I'll at least finish putting up the chapters I have made, but don't expect me to get past #9 (10 if you could the intro chapter thing.)**


	7. A Friend?

**Hey, I got a review! That's a shock! (No, seriously.) Although I'm way ahead of you, buddy. Really, you'll see why after reading this.**

* * *

Short 6

Plague Knight was seriously considering bolting the whole way to the house of the child whom he was supposed to socialize with. He only resisted the urge because even if he did manage to evade Mona, he'd surely get horribly lost and his damn child side would inevitably take over, causing him to cry until some random passerby took pity on him. That sounded even worse than dealing with some snot-nosed kid for a couple hours.

Eventually, the two arrived at the woman's house. Mona knocked on the door, and after a couple seconds, they were let in.

Plague Knight tried to not look around in sheer wonder at the house. It was that of a lower-middle class family, but Plague Knight only associated houses such as these with dirt and decaying rats, the main reason behind his lack of regard for life, due to his far from perfect upbringing. This house, on the other hand, was clean and relatively homely. While certainly nothing to write home about, it was clear as day that a happy bunch lived in it, and they loved it.

There was a small playroom to the side, which Plague Knight marveled at because it was filled with toys, most obviously handmade by a semi-experienced hand. There were a number of them that were clearly older, not only by how well-worn they were, but also by the sloppiness in the quality.

The mother noticed this. "Is Erik's playroom interesting to you, Adam?"

Plague Knight had to remind himself that he had to respond to that name as he turned to face her. "My parents weren't bad people," he told her; lying through his teeth. He never once believed they were good. "I never had any toys while I was with them, though."

"You unfortunate dear! Were they poor?"

Plague Knight had to resist scoffing, a very non-child-like action. "No, I think they were just lazy."

The woman frowned. "That's not an excuse."

Plague Knight chuckled. "Yes, it is. It's just not a good one."

The woman's frown did not disappear and she looked up to Mona, who shrugged and mouthed, 'He's just like that.'

The woman shrugged helplessly. Looking around the immediate area, she failed to find what she was looking for, so she called out, "Erik! We have a visitor here to see you!"

A young boy not much older than Plague Knight had likely become slowly entered the room. He was clearly the timid type, not much better than the child-alchemist that he was supposed to play with.

"H-Hello," the boy muttered shyly.

"Good morning," Plague Knight responded as smoothly as he could manage at the moment, immediately realizing a second later that this ordeal might be easier to get through than he had initially anticipated, as though other child was easily as awkward as he was in a social situation as he was.

The boy seemed to shrink away a little at the show of faked confidence, much to Plague Knight's confusion.

"He doesn't get out much, which is why I wanted you to play with him, Adam," the mother explained in a low whisper.

Plague Knight blinked in surprise. "Why isn't he social? Everyone I saw on the way here were more than friendly enough to each other."

"I don't know, he's just a bit of an inside kid."

Plague Knight nodded. "I get it." He walked forward, slapping on the best 'kind' smile he could manage on his face, even though he was sure it made him look like an idiot. "Not much of a talker, are ya?"

The boy seemed to shrink even more, if that were possible, and nodded hesitantly.

"I won't hurt you, you know," Plague Knight informed him. The boy was silent. He rolled his eyes. "Still not talking? Alright, what do you do for fun around here?"

The boy blinked and replied, "Play."

Plague Knight desperately wanted to say, 'No shit,' but caught himself in time to realize that was rude, which was not something he wanted to do while pretending to be at least a semi-decent kid. Instead, he said, "I gathered. What do you play?"

"Things," the child replied, much to Plague Knight's ire. In the background, he could hear Mona stifling her laughter.

"You do realize that neither of us will be allowed to leave and return to our normal lives until you open up a little, right?" Plague Knight informed the boy; whose eyes widened as though that was a completely foreign concept that was being introduced to him. Plague Knight looked back at the mother and asked her, "No offence, but have you been raising him in a hole? I seriously thought that I was the most anti-social person to ever walk the Earth. I have just been proven wrong."

The mother looked distraught by this development. "I-I see. I sorry to have bothered you about this, Adam."

Plague Knight scowled. "You know what, no!" He whirled around to face Erik. "I will get a full sentence, no matter how grammatically incorrect, out of you before the day is done!" He reached forward and grabbed the other boy's wrist, dragging him to the backyard.

Erik, whilst being dragged, looked at the boy whom he believed to be named Adam, thoroughly confused the whole way.

Five minutes passed, and Plague Knight returned, saying, "I give up."

Mona let out a small snort of laughter. "That didn't take long."

"The kid's anti-social as all heck," Plague Knight said, catching himself before saying 'hell' and possibly getting a weird look from the mother. "I'm not really the type to bring people out of their shell."

The mother looked disheartened. "That's alright. Thank you anyway."

Plague Knight nodded and bid the mother a small farewell as they took their leave.

"Were you trying at all?" Mona asked.

"Yeah, I did, actually. Hell, I even brought up alchemy to get a reaction out of him. He just stared blankly."

"He's not going to have a fun time growing up."

"Indeed."

* * *

 **You told me to give him a friend. Doesn't mean I need to do it in a particularly obvious way. I initially intended for Erik to be the friend, if you couldn't tell. But I realized quickly that I didn't actually want to do that, and changed it at the end. So, it may look a tad weird for you.**

 **Next time! Plague Knight get a friend in the second most obvious way!**

 **Now come up with a better idea! (Nah, you don't need to if you don't want to.)**


	8. An Actual Friend!

**Well, it appears fanfiction's glitching out. I went to upload this onto my Doc Manager and it told me that I 'have uploaded a file ending in .docx but this file does not appears to be in the correct format: msword.' Ironically, I did nothing to make this happen. I actually tried many different Word documents I haven't even opened in a while. Nothing. So I had to copy and paste it instead.**

 **Continuing on... Thank you, Angelmation. In the smaller parts of fanfiction, I couldn't care less if you gave me a simple 'Nice!' though something longer is always appreciated. It's the larger sides where even the crappiest of stories can cause 200 followers where I want an actual 'helpful' review.**

 **Anyway, enough lollygagging! Enjoy!**

* * *

Short 7

Plague Knight followed Mona on the way back 'home.' Suddenly, he was bowled over by something tiny and furry. Letting out an inhuman shriek of shock, the now young alchemist struggled to get whatever it was off of him.

Off to the side, he could hear Mona trying not to bust a gut laughing at his reaction.

"Get it off me!" Plague Knight yelled as the thing curled up on his stomach and started… purring? Plague Knight paused and looked down at his torso, finding a small kitten that couldn't be older than a couple weeks curled happily on top of him, purring contently. "What the…?"

Mona managed to get her laughter under control and reached forward to get the small creature off her companion. The cat, in response, hissed loudly and swiped at her approaching hand, so she backed away. Once it had determined that she was no longer a threat to its comfort, the kitten returned to its happy purring.

"Um… How do I get it off?" Plague Knight asked desperately.

"Just stand. Once it realizes that you aren't a stable sleeping area, it'll leave."

Plague Knight nodded and tried to stand. The cat seemed to grumble in response to this and stood, climbing up to his shoulders. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?" Plague Knight asked the cat, as though he'd get a coherent reply.

Mona smiled. "I think you just made a new friend."

"I don't want a new friend," Plague Knight muttered.

"Too bad, you're getting one."

Plague Knight grabbed the cat from his shoulder, holding it in the not exactly the most comfortable position in the world given that he didn't really care for it, and he didn't know how to deal with animals. The cat, however, didn't seem to mind, and after meowing in surprise, cuddled up contently in his arms and seemingly fell asleep.

"I did not want you to fall asleep!" Plague Knight yelled. He looked up at Mona. "We need to find the owner."

Mona nodded and started walking, with Plague Knight following close behind, calling out to anyone nearby, "Anyone lose an adorably cuddly and obnoxious kitten?"

Several minutes passed with no luck. Just as they were about to give up and throw the poor thing on the ground to fend for itself, a boy came running up. He had a mean snarl on his face, and Plague Knight immediately identified him as a thorn that would soon come into contact with his side. He was not disappointed by this expectation.

"That's my cat!" The boy yelled.

"Good, then you can take it back," Plague Knight said with a frown, holding the kitten out to him.

The boy smiled; evilly if you asked Plague Knight (and he knew his evil smiles). He reached for the kitten, which woke up in time to hiss and bite the boy, who reeled back, shocked and pained. The bite marks weren't deep, nor bleeding, but the boy made it obvious they stung.

"Ouch!" He wailed. "Freaking cat!"

"You know, I don't know much about animals, but I don't think it likes you."

"She's a 'she', not an 'it'!" The boy yelled.

"OK, I don't think _she_ likes you."

The boy growled angrily and reached for the cat again, who hissed and swiped at him with her tiny claws. The boy managed to reel back in time, though, and they missed.

"You know, before, I really didn't care what happened to this cat. Now, I think I've decided that I'll keep her, because you're an idiot to the most extreme degree and deserve to go die in a hole!" The cat seemed to meow tauntingly directly after Plague Knight's insult, almost looking smug as though saying, 'I finally got away from you, suck it!'

The boy growled as Plague Knight turned to leave, Mona following close behind. "This isn't the last you'll see of me!"

"Yes, it is! I don't even know your name, idiot!"

"It's Alex!"

"Alright, Axel."

"You did that on purpose!"

"Of course, I did!"

Alex yelled something possibly mean in response, but Plague Knight couldn't make it out.

"You do realize you just adopted a cat, right?" Mona asked.

Plague Knight looked down at the little bundle of happiness in his arms. He raised a finger and stroked the creature's head. "I'm either going to regret this terribly, or I'm going to love this. I have a bad feeling it will be both."

"What will you name her?"

After a moment of thought, Plague Knight responded, "Xenon."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"You're seriously naming your new cat after a chemical element?"

Plague Knight shrugged. "I don't see why not."

Mona rolled her eyes. "Whatever, it's your cat."

Plague Knight nodded happily. "Exactly. Do you like your new name, Xenon?"

The cat, in response, meowed.

"I'll take that as an 'I love it.'"

* * *

 **In my mind, I'm referring to Xenon as Xion, like the character from… wait, who even is that again? (Love you if you get that!) And I got the name from typing in my sister's name into an Organization XIII Nobody name generator, which is what popped up. I quickly realized it was an element on the periodic table and figured that it was perfect for an alchemist's cat. Amusin** **gly, my sister doesn't actually have an o or an e, nor a second n in it.**

 **Anyway, requests filled! Finally!**


	9. Chickens! Wait, What?

**Whoa, it's been a bit, hasn't it been? OK, maybe not. It just feels like it since I haven't been on my laptop very much. I normally used it in the mornings before school, but I just got into summer break, so there isn't any school to do so with. Oh well, I'll make it work somehow.**

* * *

Short 8

(Day 2)

Plague Knight was rudely awakened by something stepping on his face. Grumbling, he forced his eyes open and found that it was just Xenon, who had awakened and was stretching… on his face. Plague Knight groaned and nudged the cat, who removed her paws from where they had been. Content, the alchemist attempted to return to sleep.

Xenon decided that more sleep was a good idea, too. She curled up on his chest, purring. Despite not weighing very much, Plague Knight found that it was uncomfortable for her to be lying almost directly on top of one of his lungs, so he once again nudged her. Xenon meowed, annoyed, but nevertheless got up and repositioned herself, finally settling on his hip. While Plague Knight couldn't imagine that it was particularly comfortable, Xenon seemed happy enough, so he didn't do anything about it.

Plague Knight heard the door open, and he had to bite back a groan as he realized this meant he likely would have to get up soon. He heard soft chuckling and heaved a sigh. "What are you laughing at this time?"

"I don't laugh at you that much," Mona told him.

"No, but you've been doing it a lot lately. Answer the question."

"Xenon's curled up on your hip. It's adorable."

"Shouldn't your reaction be 'aww' then, instead of 'ha ha'?"

He managed to catch the sound of her shrugging, somehow. "Probably."

"Why are you here?"

"The Magicist has gathered up what she needs to get the magic so we can return you to normal."

Plague Knight's eyes, which before he had kept closed, popped up and he sat up, rudely waking Xenon and causing her to jump off him with an annoyed meow. Plague Knight let out a soft apology to his companion and rubbed her head. She seemed to accept this request for forgiveness well enough. "Really?"

"Yes, and you won't believe what she has outside." Mona left it at that, taking her leave so Plague Knight could get dressed.

Plague Knight jumped off his bed, and looked expectantly at his kitten companion, who glanced at the floor, worried. Chuckling, he asked, "What are you scared of?" Xenon responded with a meow that he decided to interpret as 'What if I need to get back up?'

The night before, similar to her new caretaker, Xenon had plenty of difficulty getting onto the bed since they had completely forgotten to get a stepladder and she was too young and small to be able to get up. Mona had helped Plague Knight, but when they looked to Xenon, who had at one point or another decided to walk on her own, they found that she just couldn't reach, so the female alchemist had to help her as well.

Plague Knight spent a minute trying to coax the kitten off the bed, but she had decided to stay, and she was firm in that decision, so he eventually just left her. After getting dressed, he gave her one last look, which she returned. Shrugging, he turned to leave, but stopped when he heard a pitiful cry. He looked back to the kitten, who gave him a look that whined 'don't leave.'

Rolling his eyes, he returned to the bed, offering the kitten his hands to climb onto, which she happily did. "You're a nuisance, you know that?" Xenon meowed at this, but it didn't sound particularly annoyed.

Once out of his room, Plague Knight followed Mona to wherever they happened to be going. They walked out of the lab… out of town… into a forest…

A whole mile away from the town later, they entered a small clearing. There was fencing around the entirety of it, and on the inside was the Magicist and… chickens.

"Why are there chickens?" Plague Knight asked as Xenon spotted one and jumped out of his arms, darting through the fence with ease.

"Well, do you remember yesterday's idiocy when we were talking to her, and she mentioned chickens?" The kitten playfully swatted at a chicken.

"Yeah, I questioned about it, but didn't get an answer. So… we're actually going to be killing chickens?" The chicken squawked and ran away.

"Not directly. We'll be sucking the magic out of them," the Magicist answered, apparently having been listening to the conversation. Xenon gave chase.

"Isn't there an easier way to get magic?" The chased chicken let out a cry to the other chickens.

"Ah… Likely," the Magicist replied sheepishly. "But we're too afraid that'd we'd kill any humans trying, and other animals just don't store as much magic as anything else that we can actually catch." The other chickens converged on Xenon.

"Fair enough," Plague Knight replied. He looked inside the pen, spotting Xenon's predicament. "Xenon!"

The Magicist turned and saw what was happening, running forwards and scaring the chickens away. She returned with the kitten in her arms, who she handed back to Plague Knight. He cuddled the shaking creature.

"Maybe next time you'll think before messing with a crowd of chickens," he told her playfully.

"I believe the term is actually a 'flock of chickens,'" Mona corrected.

"Yes, that," Plague Knight replied dryly.

Clapping her hands together, the Magicist said, "Alright, let's kill some chickens!"

The small group was let inside the pen. Plague Knight set Xenon down, who immediately cowered by his legs.

"All I need you two to do is to catch the chickens. The first two or three should be easy, since they're calm right now, but the rest will likely not be all that happy with you once they hear the cries of the one I'm extracting the magic from."

"I know I don't really care about being mean, but this just sounds cruel," Plague Knight commented.

"Oh, yeah, it's beyond cruel. It's been proven that it makes them feel like they're being ripped in half throughout the whole two minute process," the Magicist said casually.

"It may just be that child side speaking, but suddenly, not being able to revert to an adult doesn't seem all that bad."

"Trust me, you want it," the Magicist said. "Wouldn't it be horrible to outlive everyone you care about?"

Plague Knight paused for a moment before sighing. "Fair enough. Let's kill some chickens."

All three people grabbed a chicken. The Magicist started to use some sort of magical incarnation to extract the magic from the chicken, which squawked in pain and attempted to run away, but the Magicist, in a moment of pure cruelty, grabbed a hold of the base of its tail and held on tight.

The two alchemists watched with something akin to horror. They were used to death, hell, they killed their own minions all the time, but there was something about the slow, drawn-out torture that was occurring in front of them that just made their skin crawl.

"Is it too late to back out?" Plague Knight whimpered, struggling to keep a good grip on the now frightened poultry in his arms.

Mona was just about to answer when the chicken the Magicist had been extracting the magic from died, releasing a small, almost pitiful, amount of liquid magic from what seemed to be its detached soul, which was quickly caught in a small vial. Finally, the female alchemist answered, "Not anymore."

Plague Knight wanted to whimper and hug the chicken he clutched in his hands as the Magicist reached for the poor creature, which seemed to sense its inevitable doom and struggled to get away from the approaching hands. Once the poultry was no longer in his grip, he wandered off to try and catch another one. They had all cowered into a corner as far away from their companion's cry as all possible. With a small sigh, he muttered a soft apology for killing them and dashed forward, quickly snatching one up.

* * *

A similar process occurred for the next 20 or so minutes, even though it felt like a couple hours to Plague Knight, who was left feeling like he was just scarred from the experience.

"Let me make this clear now," Plague Knight said as the Magicist caught the last bit of liquid magic and corked it to avoid spilling it. "I will _never_ do that again. Period."

"Even if this doesn't work, and you're still a kid?" The Magicist asked.

"Even if it doesn't work, and I'm still a kid," Plague Knight confirmed.

"Fair enough. Let's go back to the lab and get this done, then."

Plague Knight merely nodded numbly and followed the two women back to the village after making sure Xenon was following.

* * *

 **Yep. Chickens. You probably half expected this from last chapter, didn't you? I was just thinking about how they could get magic, and the thought process was (not kidding) something akin to Shovel Knight popping up out of nowhere and smashing the vial holding the magic, to which Plague Knight yells, "You idiot, we just killed 12 chickens for that!" And so I settled on there being 12 chickens, and everything just flowed from there.**

 **I hope it didn't seem too OOC for the alchemists to be frightened of the chicken cruelty. But think about it, if one of the seemingly most innocent people you know suddenly starts doing _that_ , wouldn't you be just the least bit frightened?**

 **Next time: Plague Knight returns to normal?**


	10. Is This The End?

**The end! Or is it...?**

 **Yeah... Can't think of anything interesting to say at this moment, it's 10:30 at night.**

 **'Death on a Stick' is what my dad wanted to name his character in Din's Curse, but it wouldn't fit, so he settled for 'Death Stick.'**

* * *

Short 9

Plague Knight looked down, seemingly regretful, at the small vial of potion. "24 chickens have died now because of my stupidity." Xenon meowed and rubbed against his legs, seemingly attempting to comfort him.

Mona looked to him, confused. "No, you're killed far more than just 24 of them."

"I meant within the past week," Plague Knight clarified as he reached down to pet his cat.

Mona clicked her tongue. "Then, yes. You have killed 24 chickens."

"Of my own stupidity," Plague Knight added.

"It wasn't stupidity."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"I will."

There was silence for a minute as the two alchemists ran about gathering the necessary ingredients so they could end this nightmare.

"Where's the Death on a Stick?" Mona asked, all too casually if you asked anyone that didn't know what she was referring to, such as the Magicist, who was sitting in the corner. In all actually, she was referring to an acidic combination they had made. It did possess a scientific name like other compounds, but they had given it a nickname after they accidentally spilled it on a random propped up stick (no one was really sure why it was there), which then inexplicably fell and smashed a passing minion over the head, instantly killing him when the acid burned through his skull.

Plague Knight paused for a moment as he tried to remember. "Didn't you leave it by the Parent's Fire?"

Mona nodded thoughtfully and went to retrieve some Death on a Stick.

The Magicist, who had been attempting to read a book, though admittedly was eavesdropping, looked up with a snort, amused and confused. "Parent's Fire?"

Plague Knight looked to her. "Oh, you never heard that story?"

"If I did, I don't remember it."

"But you've heard Death on a Stick?"

The Magicist let out a small laugh. "Hell no, I haven't! And quite frankly, I'm too scared to know that one. But Parent's Fire sounds relatively tame."

Plague Knight let out his own laugh, this one a sharp bark. "No, you've got it backwards, actually. Still want to know?"

The Magicist frowned and replied hesitantly, "Sure…"

Plague Knight smiled, but it was far from happy. It was more like a desperately hidden grimace. "OK then. Parent's Fire is a rather poor nickname I came up with back when… I'd say I wasn't even past 10. It's for a combination of chemicals that, when mixed together, will nigh-instantly combust. Using it is actually incredibly risky, as I found when I nearly blew half my face off. On the bright side, however, I did this not long after my parents died, therefore semi-accidently burning down their house, hence the name."

"Semi?" The Magicist asked.

Plague Knight shrugged. "Well, you see, I planned on ridding this planet of that wrenched place, regardless. Burning it down with the Parent's Fire and not melting my face off in the process was just a perfect coincidence."

The Magicist nodded. "I see… So, that means that 'Adam's' cover story is oddly accurately, isn't it?"

Plague Knight smiled. "Yes, though I'm sure that wasn't intentional."

"Correct," Mona chimed in. "Though it would have helped you if you were ever questioned on it. You wouldn't have had to think too much."

"Don't say it like that," Plague Knight advised. "We aren't out of this mess yet, don't talk like I'm back to my normal age. You're going to jinx it."

"Are you superstitious?" Mona questioned. "You don't seem like it."

"You got to be careful to avoid making the situation any worse than it already is."

"Fair enough, but unless you die, it can't get worse, right?"

"NO!" Plague Knight groaned. "Stop that! You're going to cause my terrible luck to rear its ugly head again!"

"No, I won't. If the universe should punish anyone, let it be Percy."

This brought a small smile to Plague Knight's face. "Yes, I think I like that idea, though it will likely never work."

"Stop thinking pessimistically."

"I'm stuck in the body of a child, and I despised my childhood. Do you honestly expect me to be optimistic?"

"Of course I do. You're not the pessimistic type."

Plague Knight scoffed. "I'm neither. I'm a realist, remember?"

"I thought we settled on 'pessimistic realist'?"

"What, no! I rejected that!"

"I think you're remembering incorrectly."

"Frankly, I believe you're the one with the faulty memory here!"

The Magicist, in her little corner, watched the two bicker with increasing concern. She was unsure of whether they argued in such a manner on a regular basis, and as such was unsure if she should try to intervene.

Luckily for her, the two calmed quickly. "Let's just get this over with," Plague Knight requested.

"Gladly," Mona replied.

The alchemists started their work, easily flowing this way and that with a clear practiced ease, gathering this and putting in that. The Magicist watched with interest, having never watched the two work. She thought it akin to a dance, as no words were exchanged between the two, since the necessary ingredients were already gathered, and all that was left was the execution, of which they had already done not a full two days ago.

The potion they were making was nothing short of the exact same thing that they did which caused the issue to begin with, only with a change in the usage of magic. Admittedly, the Magicist was unsure if simply changing the exact usage of the liquid magic, and nothing else, would actually reverse the effects, but it was the only thing that she could think of. She knew, to put it bluntly, jack shit about the alchemy portion of the potion, and that was over 90 percent of it.

Several minutes passed, and then the two stepped back, looking at the magician expectantly. Rising from her chair, she played her part and messed with the liquid magic as best she could in the hopes that it would do what they wanted.

Soon enough, Plague Knight was holding his vial of product, staring at it. "You sure this won't kill me?"

"Hopefully," the Magicist answered.

"Not 'definitely'?" Mona questioned.

"Nothing's definite with magic. It's been recorded that sometimes people have tried to use the most basic fireball spell and as a result have spontaneously combust, so…"

Plague Knight stared, seemingly terrified, as though he were silently asking if she was attempting to murder him.

"Don't worry, you should be fine," she immediately told him, though failing to reassure him like she had wanted.

"Better write your will now," Mona advised.

"Are you insulting me?" The Magicist asked.

"Maybe, maybe not. You decide."

Plague Knight sighed as the two women squabbled. "And I thought men were supposed to be the stupid ones."

The females paused and looked him, telling him simultaneously, "You are."

"Then why are you the ones acting like a pair of Magpies fighting over a shiny object?"

The two women paused and looked to each other. "Good question…" they muttered at the same time.

Plague Knight looked at them, dumbfounded. "Wow, you are in sync today!" He held up the vial. "This better not kill me," he warned.

"Or what, you'll die?" The Magicist asked. "Seems like that'll be a given if it kills you."

"Oh, yes, I will die if it kills me. And I will grant Mona explicit permission to wreck your shit if I do."

Mona grinned in the direction of the Magicist and cracked her knuckles in a threatening manner, much to Plague Knight's amusement.

"And they think women can't be threatening," he chuckled. "Idiots."

"Any hopeful-not-last-words?" Mona asked.

Plague Knight very briefly thought to tell her how he felt about her. However, he just as quickly snuffed out the thought. It wouldn't exactly be as dramatic as he would like, if anything. He'd likely tell her, down the vial, and then… nothing for several minutes, leaving everything much too awkward for his liking. Not to mention, if it didn't kill him, then he'd have to own up to it, and he just wasn't ready to do that. Not that he ever would be.

Lying through his teeth, he declared, "No. I'll have no regrets if I die here other than not being able to conduct any more experiments."

He swore he say disappointment flash across the faces of both females, though he could not discern why, at least for the Magicist. Did they expect him to announce something big involving them? He forced the thought away and tried to keep a straight face, downing the potion to distract him. Immediately, he almost coughed it up, thinking to himself, 'This tastes terrible!'

The disgust must have been obvious on his face, because Mona questioned, "What's wrong?"

Plague Knight managed to swallow the substance. He frowned and said, "That was positively revolting!"

Mona frowned as well at the news. He had never once complained about taste before. "Your child side must be acting up again."

"The sooner it's gone, the better," Plague Knight muttered as he hopped onto a nearby chair to await whatever change would soon befall him. Xenon followed closely and hopped onto his lap once he was settled.

While waiting, he merely hoped that it would revert him back to his normal age, rather give him a new disability to contend with. Knowing his luck (coupled with Mona's inevitable jinxing), that was the most likely thing to happen, though he silently prayed to the gods that he didn't even believe in to grant him this one thing.

Unfortunately, the higher-ups apparently hated him. He doubted it was because of the whole 'alchemy is illegal' thing; hell, at least he was bothering to obey the laws of nature, not like those who practiced magic. No, he figured it was just because they were cruel little bastards.

Whatever the reasoning, he felt the potion turn to a large lump in his stomach, and it made him feel sick. It kind of made him want to simply curl up in a ball and die. He was vaguely aware of Mona, or maybe it was the Magicist, talking to him, or maybe the speech was directed to the woman that wasn't speaking, he really couldn't tell. He was much too focused on the unsettling feeling of what he assumed was a potion turning into a solid halfway through his digestive system.

Suddenly, he was falling out of his chair. Now any speech was definitely directed to him. Xenon meowed worriedly and rubbed against his hand.

He didn't want his companions to worry, so he pushed himself up onto his knees and looked up. The Magicist was looming over him, staring. It started to unnerve him quickly. "Can you not?" He requested.

"What's wrong?" The Magicist asked, still staring.

"Stop staring," he demanded.

"Answer!"

Plague Knight was taken aback by the firmness in her voice, and it took him a moment to remember that he was incredibly uncomfortable with the semi-solid lump in his gut.

"Answer!" She repeated.

"It feels like it's turned into a solid in my stomach," he finally informed her.

Not exactly to his surprise, the Magicist looked unhappy at this development. "Crap," she muttered, turning. Looking to Mona, she said, "Make sure he doesn't die," before rushing out.

Judging from Mona's confused look, Plague Knight guessed she was silently asking 'And just how am I supposed to do that?'

A moment passed, and then the Magicist was back, holding a small something-or-other. Neither alchemist was quite sure what it was. It reminded him of a rock… or maybe a sponge. That was blue.

She approached Plague Knight, holding the whatever-it-was out to him. Though he was confused as to what it did, he took it nevertheless, squeezing it and finding that it wasn't solid enough to be stone, but not soft enough to be a sponge.

"What is it?" Mona asked before he had a chance.

"It's likely we had a bad chicken in the batch," the Magicist answered unhelpfully.

"Not what I meant, but okay…"

"Meaning…?" Plague Knight questioned.

"It'll… well, effects vary depending on your usage of magic, and therefore how much your body is accustomed to it, which means for you, well…" She paused for a second before spitting it out, "Very likely death."

Both alchemists silently stared at the magic-user, the looks on their faces making it clear that they were non-verbally asking if this was some sort of sick prank.

Plague Knight took a deep breath. "How long do I have?"

"Not long," the Magicist replied.

"Christ, I was kidding about him needing to write his will!" Mona yelled, distraught.

"Calm down!" The Magicist ordered. She pointed to the object in Plague Knight's hand. "That will save him."

Plague Knight too looked at the item, raising an eyebrow. "And you just happened to have this lying about…?"

"Yep. This isn't exactly _common_ , but it happens often enough that I carry one around just in case."

"No, this is just oddly convenient. I'm assuming the author-"

"Stay away from the fourth wall!" The Magicist screeched, making Plague Knight jump in shock.

"Alright, alright, just don't screech anymore."

Mona started snapping in the Magicist's face. "Shouldn't we be worrying about the fact that he's about to die, not that he's talking about something that probably doesn't even exist?!"

"It does exist," the Magicist informed her. "But you're right! Plague Knight, focus all your magic into that thing you're holding!"

Plague Knight laughed. "That 'thing'? Doesn't it have a name?"

"Yes, but that would just serve to confuse you. Now do it!"

Plague Knight's grip tightened on the object as he tried to figure out how to do that. He guessed that he got it when the thing started to glow. "Is that normal?" He asked, just to be sure.

"Yes, good. Keep it up," the Magicist told him.

"For how long?" Plague Knight grunted.

"For as long as it takes for you to no longer feel sick."

Plague Knight nodded and returned his focus to the item in his hand. When he was sure the sickening feeling in his gut was gone, he released the thing from his grasp. He sighed and flopped to the ground. Xenon immediately made herself at home on his stomach. "Well, this sucks."

"What, that you almost died?" Mona asked, sending a half-hearted glare at the Magicist. She knew it wasn't the other woman's fault, but that didn't mean she wasn't unhappy.

"Well, that too. But now I can't be my normal age again."

"Yes, you can be…" Mona told him.

"Not without any more chicken deaths! I won't have that!"

Mona frowned. She looked to the Magicist. "Isn't there any other way to get the magic we need?"

"Not unless we want to risk killing a couple humans and getting caught, or try to find one with the capacity that might survive. But where are we going to find that?"

"What about any of the adventurers that come by every once and awhile? Surely no one would notice if they went missing."

"I'd feel guilty if we killed them," the Magicist told her with a frown.

Mona put her hands on her hips. "And just how do you think we felt about the poor chickens? They certainly deserved that fate much less."

"Yes, but they aren't human."

"So?!" Plague Knight piped up. "You said it's been proven they feel like they're being ripped in half. Who cares if they're human?"

"What are you two, animal rights activists? I won't do it."

"Fine, give us the materials and instructions and we'll figure it out ourselves," Plague Knight demanded.

"Find your victim, I'll confirm that he or she has the magical capacity, and then I'll give you the instructions. If you kill more than three people, though, I won't allow any more."

"Stick in the mud," Plague Knight muttered.

"What was that?" The Magicist asked.

"Nothing!"

* * *

 **Yep, it's still going. Pretty obvious, huh? I still have one more interesting plot point I want to put in, and overall, I'm just having too much fun with this little series, though I have a lot of other things I could be doing with my life.**

 **As a matter of fact, I have a ton (5 in fact) of stories that I have on this laptop, only one of which I would even consider posting, though I'm not sure how anyone would react because it kinda, sorta, maybe, makes Shovel Knight into a sadistic torturer... Yeah... There's a reason I haven't actually posted it. I'm absolutely evil on the inside.**


	11. One's True Face

**Wow, 10, not including the intro chapter. Man, and I have 5, going on 6 more in wait, with more after that... wow, how one little plot point will change everything. Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

Short 10

Plague Knight sighed as he entered into his room, Xenon following by way of circling his feet and almost tripping him an unfortunate number of times.

He launched himself at his bed, forgetting momentarily that he wasn't tall enough to make it, and slammed (luckily painlessly) into the side, landing in a dazed heap on the floor.

Lying there, he resisted the urge to scream as Xenon approached his face and nudged him with her cold, wet nose. Chuckling, he bopped his companion on the muzzle. His laughter increased at the startled look the kitten gave him.

While moving into a sitting position, something caught his eye from under the bed. Reaching for whatever it was, he grimaced when he realized that it had been so long since he had last cleaned out from under his bed that he had to briefly remove his hand in order to remove the dead spiders, live spiders, and cobwebs clinging to it. Xenon immediately thought this was a game and bat at the hand brushing at the unwanted things.

After letting out a screech of shock as the cat scratched him, Plague Knight pushed her away and stuck his hand back under, this time successfully retrieving the object. As he pulled back his hand, he recognized the object from the smooth round shape.

"HA!" He yelled triumphantly, showing the object to Xenon. It was a grimy bottle with a small spot that was clean enough for the fading light to reflect off of it, which is what had caught his attention. "I told Mona I lost this in my room! Did she believe me? Nope! That'll show her!"

He stood and walked out the door, intent on shoving the dusty container in her face just for laughs. Sure, it wasn't nice to annoy her about something they had both forgotten about in less than a day, but he wasn't exactly known for being nice, now was he? Even if the victim in question was the woman of his dreams.

As he walked, he dusted off some of the remaining cobwebs and filth. When half of it was clean, he saw his refection and stopped mid-step, causing the trailing Xenon to ram harmlessly into his ankle.

Staring back at him was not his face. He'd never really given what he looked like in this alternate form much thought, though now he knew that he didn't even look like him. He wore a stranger's face, one that wasn't even the one he had when he was naturally a child. At least, not that he remembered. It had been so long since he had gazed upon his own refection that it was actually surprisingly difficult to remember any face being his besides the mask he always wore.

The bottle slipped from his grasp, shattering when it landed on the ground. Confused, he stood there for a long while, before a minion appeared to bring him back to reality.

"Adam?" The man asked. "Hello?"

Plague Knight physically shook himself out of his thoughts. Turning his gaze to the minion, he asked, "Yes?"

"You were spacing out there, bud," the underling told him gently. "Can you get away from the broken glass? It wouldn't do to have you slicing your foot open."

Plague Knight looked down, and realized that though his hand remained in the air as though it still held the bottle, said object had long since broken and lay at his feet.

Carefully taking a step back, he realized that Xenon was being underfoot again too late, and he accidently kicked her. Hearing her annoyed meow, Plague Knight turned to her and snapped, "Why don't you try not being right behind all the time, ya…" He trailed off when he realized the minion was still there, listening. He let out an irritated huff. "Come on, furball," he muttered, to which the kitten followed at his side this time, rather than behind as he had 'oh so kindly' requested.

* * *

Suddenly, without anything to act as a warning, the door to Mona's room was being slammed up, making the occupant jump.

"Geez, what's gotten you all riled up?" Mona asked as her partner walked in, clearly in a bad mood. "I mean, yeah, you're stuck as a kid for a while longer, but calm down."

"It's not that!" Plague Knight ground out. "I can't remember my own face!"

Mona raised an eyebrow at the seemingly random reason for storming into her room and pulling her attention away from her book, of which had just gotten interesting. Standing, Mona ushered him over to a mirror that she rarely utilized, but had in her room regardless, pointing to the refection of the child standing by her side.

"Does this help?"

Plague Knight stared at his face for a good long while before muttering, "Christ, it's even worse than in the bottle."

"Excuse me?" Mona asked, confused.

Plague Knight raised a hand, gently resting his fingers on his face in disbelief. "I… My…" He trailed off, distraught.

Mona, though thoroughly dumbfounded and unable to discern just what was going through her colleague's head, crouched and placed her hands in a comforting manner upon his shoulders. She refrained from speaking; preferring to wait until he had said whatever was on his mind.

"This isn't my face; it never was," he finally elaborated. His hand resting on his face slowly curled, sinking his nails into the skin. "It must have been some sort of side-effect to the magic."

"How do you know?" Mona asked gently.

"My eyes are not blue!" He yelled, enraged. True to his word, his irises were a deep azure color, a fact that he had somehow missed for several days. Then again, he never was bothered to look at his new form.

"And what color are- er, were- they?"

"I remember them being…" he paused as he attempted to recall. Quickly, he grew annoyed, and his nails sunk deeper into his cheek. Finally, it came to him. "Amber," he whispered.

"Amber?" Mona parroted.

Plague Knight nodded vigorously, his hand finally peeling itself from his face. "Yeah, I remember that! My eyes were the color of amber! My mother noted it, saying it looked strange, and-" he paused for a micro-second, his voice lowered as he suddenly remembered the extra detail, "that it fit a freak like me perfectly."

Mona scoffed. "And you believed her?"

"What do you mean?" Plague Knight asked, cocking his head to the side as he gazed at her refection.

"About you being a freak, what else?"

Plague Knight let out a bitter laugh. "I thought I had long since gotten over it, but apparently not."

"I guess that's not too much of a surprise. Something like your mother calling you a freak is bound to haunt you."

"But it shouldn't!" Plague Knight protested venomously. "It's been years since she died; her ghost shouldn't be fucking with my head now." He let out a small, shaky sigh that was half a sob. "Maybe it'd be better if I didn't change back. This face… it-" He didn't get to complete the thought, as Mona interrupted him.

"No!" She yelled.

"What?" Plague Knight asked.

"No," she replied, calmer this time. "I want to see your real face. I, for one, think that amber eyes would look pretty fucking sweet."

Plague Knight chuckled at her terminology.

"And just what are you laughing at?"

"'Pretty fucking sweet', huh?" He laughed, to which Mona averted her eyes as she realized just how ridiculous she sounded. "Alright, dear. Just for you."

Returning her gaze to its previous location, she muttered, "Good."

Plague Knight let out another snicker. "Oh? 'Good', not 'Thank you for so graciously deciding to return to your normal self for me and me alone'?"

Mona smiled, and crossed her arms across his chest in a backwards hug. "Fine then. Thank you for so graciously deciding to return to your normal self for me and me alone."

Plague Knight snorted. "I cannot believe I just got you to say that. In that case, I should have added that I was sexy as shit."

This comment prompted a return snort from Mona.

"You know you'd say it," Plague Knight told her smugly.

"Yes, I would, if only to appease you. Honestly, do you even realize that I can't tell if you're even remotely good looking when you wear baggy clothing and a mask?"

This thought gave Plague Knight pause. "Fair point," he conceded.

"Are you appeased now?"

Plague Knight hummed thoughtfully, relaxing in her arms. "Maybe, maybe not."

"Well, you'd better make your choice soon. I think Xenon is starting to get annoyed."

Plague Knight turned his head to look at the kitten. He was met with a stare that asked him in an irritated tone 'Can we go now?' After realizing that her friend had noticed her, the look on her face turned to an adorable pleading.

Plague Knight heaved a sigh as Mona removed her arms from around him. "Dammit, cat," he muttered. To his ire, this amused Mona for some arbitrary reason, and she grinned. "She's a feline. Don't they sleep wherever they so desire without any thought to what the humans think about it?"

Mona shrugged helplessly. "Maybe she's just special."

"Just what I need," Plague Knight said sarcastically.

"At least it's better than her sleeping on a paper you're attempting to read."

Plague Knight shook his head in exasperation. "I guess." He looked to the cat. "You don't need me to go to be sleep, you know."

Xenon continued to stare at him.

"Do you remember that she's too small to get onto your bed without assistance?" Mona asked.

"Then she can sleep on the floor!" Plague Knight yelled. "It's not that difficult!"

"Well, clearly it is. Come on." Mona straightened and followed Xenon, who moved as if leading the way to where she so desired to be, Plague Knight trailing behind with an unhappy look on his face.

* * *

 **Sorry if it confuses you as to why he had the idea to not return to his normal, adult, form.** **But think about it like this:**

 **What would he gain? This story, if I wanted to shove it in with the canon, which I'm still deciding if I want to, would be before that, so he doesn't even know if Mona likes him, and let's face it, he clearly seems to have some sort of insecurity about it, probably believing that she could never see him like that. Therefore, he has no idea if reverting to his normal age would do anything besides shorten his lifespan (at least compared to his child self). And who wouldn't want to live an extra... 16-something years? I'm unsure of his actual age, but for some reason the number that pops into my mind first is 23. Mona comes off as 21...**

 **Besides, what would he lose? Sure, he'd have to accommodate for his height for a while, but everyone would underestimate him, and no one would be finding 'Plague Knight' for a while because he's practically a different person. The only thing he'd really lose is the ability to actively fall in love and all that crap with anyone within his true age group.**

* * *

 **Also, something interesting is that I believe things like your mother, say, chewing you out over something that wasn't even your fault, nor did you even know about can affect you later in life. I learned a couple months ago that my mother found out from her therapist that something that happened in elementary school affected her for a good long time afterwards, and the whole thing was absolutely ridiculous when thought about. Thought I'd say that.**

* * *

 **Anyway, next time is the start of a new... well, I guess I could call it an 'ark'. Actually, I'm not sure of what to name it. Saga? I don't know, that might fit, since according to Google it's a long, involved story/series of incidents.**


	12. Bread, Herbs, and Burly White Dudes

**Holy shit, three reviews, all within the same hour, and all several days after I updated. Anyone else think this was the work of some organized group or something? Still giddy, of course. I'll try to keep this short now...**

 **Guest: I will keep on keeping on!**

 **The lastreviewer: Um... Excuse me? You lost me halfway through that. Gives me an idea for an all new story, though...**

 **TheLastTwoReview: Yes. Just... yes, I guess.**

* * *

 **Now for something IMPORTANT SO YOU WON'T BE CONFUSED IN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS, if you will noticed the (Day...) just below, you will see a three, unless you're missing your reading glasses, at which point, how are you reading this?**

 **This is so I and you, for the sake of convenience when in some later chapters characters are split up and I want to space out the events happening to each person, can understand when each is taking place. I have gone back to Shorts 3 and 8 and have added their days as well. If there is not a day at the beginning of a chapter, then it is the same day as the previous one, once again for convenience. Day 1 begins on the day after his incident, meaning I'm not counting the half-day or whatever when he messed up.**

* * *

Short 11

(Day 3)

Plague Knight walked blankly through the halls, wondering vaguely how he was going to fill the large amount of time for the next stupid, decently magic-filled adventurer to turn up. He paused and then smacked his forehead as he realized that nothing was stopping him from continuing to work on his alchemy.

"Hey! Pl-er… Adam!" Mona called out, walking towards him, barely catching herself before calling him the preferred term in the presence of their crew.

Plague Knight turned his head to look at her, slowing his pace until she caught up. "What's up?" He asked.

"We-uh… kinda still need bread," she admitted sheepishly.

Plague Knight raised an eyebrow, all the while being reminded of his stale breakfast. "Meaning…?"

"Can I convince you to go get it?" She gave him a look that somewhat resembled puppy dog eyes. She was not exactly skilled in the art, but it hardly mattered to the man-turned-child whom merely saw the one he loved making a request and giving him incentive through pitiful looks.

Plague Knight tried to resist, but ultimately caved in no more than a couple seconds. "I guess… But I don't know where to go, though. And why can't you do it? Or one of the minions, for that matter?"

"It's good for your cover," she answered smoothly. It was clear that she had prepared the answer beforehand.

"But I've only been up there twice!"

"It's got a big sign saying 'Fresh Baked Bread!' and is five feet from the ladder. I don't think you'll get lost."

Plague Knight heaved a sigh in defeat. "Fine, you got me."

"Good," Mona nodded happily, placing 12 coins in his hands. "I figured you had nothing better to do with your time, anyway."

"What gave it away?"

"The hopeless look on your face as you wandered aimlessly."

"Ah," Plague Knight muttered, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head.

After Plague Knight pocketed the coins, the alchemists started the trek towards the torque lifts so they could access the village. On the way, Mona made another request. "While you're up there, do you mind doing another thing for me?"

"Depends, what is it?"

"In the store next to the bread shop, there's an old man who sells herbs. He's a stingy bastard, but I'll admit that he can gather a shit ton of herbs in no time flat, and for dirt cheap. I get a weekly supply from him of various assorted plants because a lot of them work wonders on the wounds you inflict on your minions on a regular basis, and the rest we can put into our potions."

"So you need me to get the supply?" Plague Knight guessed.

Mona nodded. "Correct."

"I was wondering why you gave me 12 coins. I almost asked just how badly the economy tanked while I wasn't paying attention!"

This brought a small smile to Mona's face. "Yes. He shouldn't charge you more than 8 coins, though, so watch out. More than once, he's tried to double the price on me after he raised the regular price for most of his plants by a single coin."

"Wait, hang on, you're losing me," Plague Knight informed her, not quite following.

"Oh yeah, I don't gripe to you about this on a daily basis, I forgot," Mona said in realization. In his head, Plague Knight briefly wondered who she constantly complained to about the situation. "Basically, because I'm the only stable buyer from him other than the not exactly consistent visits from the Magicist, he lowers the price a bit than what he would normally request for a bag of random herbs."

Plague Knight raised his hand to ensure he got her attention before speaking. "Has he ever asked what they're for?"

Mona nodded. "I told him that they're for a cousin who lives with me, but has absolutely no immune system, and so is constantly sick. He seemed to buy it pretty easily since he never pays any attention to what's going on in the village. It's not like anyone knows if that's the truth or not anyway, since they believe the only one I interact with these days is you."

Plague Knight nodded. "Fair enough. I'll try to do that, then."

"Thank you," Mona said as she activated the lift. "Remember, don't die, and don't kill anyone."

"Yeah, yeah. I got it," Plague Knight told her with an uncaring wave of the hand, though he feared one of the two, or both, would happen.

He paused as something came to mind and looked to his side, seeing Xenon stopping in turn and looking up to him. Picking up the kitten, he returned to Mona and held her out. Mona took the cat, but looked at Plague Knight with confusion.

"She can't climb ladders," he explained, gaining a nod of understanding and a pitiful meow. Plague Knight reached upwards and gently rubbed Xenon's head, telling, "Oh, stop that. It's not my fault you lack thumbs."

With that taken care of, Plague Knight turned and took his leave, having to ignore a number of wails that made his heart ache to be leaving his kitten. He ignored the stares of the people around him, all of whom were seemingly interested in his journey. The only upside to the looks was that no one could kidnap him while he was in a populated area. Of course, he wasn't exactly worried about that happening anyway, he could save himself, thank you very much!

He popped up from the ladder and looked about the area, spotting the bread shop with ease, and beside it, the small herb store. With a content nod, Plague Knight strolled into the bread shop, picking up a loaf of fresh baked bread.

"You know you need to pay for that, right?" The disinterested teenage employee asked. She, despite having a bored expression on her face that seemed to indicate that she wanted nothing more than to sleep, was watching him like a hawk to ensure that he wasn't going to dash off with the merchandise.

"You know you need to keep your attitude in check, right?" Plague Knight asked with a snarky tone of voice, forgetting momentarily that he wasn't supposed to act in such a way. He pulled out the required 4 coins from his pocket and tossed them to her. Surprisingly, she managed to catch them all before they landed on the counter.

Plague Knight let out a low whistle to show that he was impressed.

"I have no idea how I did that," she admitted.

Immediately losing all gained respect for the girl, Plague Knight turned and left.

Once out of there, he made a quick 90 degree turn to the right, moving into the old man's herb shop.

And man, was he _old._

He was at least 70 years old **(basically ancient, at least when the life expectancy is probably cut in half compared to today's standards)** , and had a scowl on his face as he laid eyes on Plague Knight.

"Who're you?" He growled.

Plague Knight calmly walked up to the counter. "I'm Mona's proxy for the evening."

The man's scowl remained. "Well, you can tell her to fuck off, I don't have her herbs!"

"What?" Plague Knight asked, appalled. He swung around and gestured to the plants on display. "So what do you call these?"

"Those are for normal customers."

Plague Knight laughed hysterically for a single second before cutting it off and swinging back around, pointing at the man. "Excuse you? I don't think you have 'normal customers.' She's informed me that she's the one stable customer you have, so why are you trying to terminate your business with her?"

The man growled. "I don't like her. Green skin, acts like she knows everything… Point is, she's annoying, and so are you!"

"News flash, buddy!" Plague Knight snapped. "You got to put up with people you don't like in just about any business! I'm here for some assorted herbs, and you'd better believe I'm getting them!"

The man narrowed his eyes. "You're going to dare steal?"

"Maybe," Plague Knight threatened with an innocent tone of voice. "What are you going to do, old man? Chuck plants at my retreating back? Oh, I'm so scared."

"I could call the guards on you. Or…" The man fell silent for a moment before launching himself over the counter far faster than a 70 year old geezer should have been able. He grabbed Plague Knight by the throat and lifted him with a single hand. He brought the struggling boy closer and whispered menacingly, "I could beat you into submission with both hands tied behind my back."

"I don't doubt it," Plague Knight wheezed, squirming desperately to get the hand holding him to allow him some breathing room.

"Drop the boy," growled a deep, threatening voice from behind.

The old man narrowed his eyes and leaned to the side, looking past his captive. His eyes widened and his hand released instantly.

Plague Knight landed with a thud and coughed, rubbing his throat as he sat there. He dared to look behind him and squeaked upon seeing two burly white dudes standing in the doorway, hands resting on the hilts of the matching swords they wore at their waists. They were nothing short of identical, down to the exact same facial hair and eye color, the only difference being that one wore a blue tunic over his armor, and the other had merely a layer of chainmail. They were both so thick that it was a surprise they had managed to fit through the doorframe.

The old man backed away, ducking behind his counter when he neared it. "I was going to release him, I swear!"

"I'm sure, sir," one in blue replied. "However, I'm also sure that you've harmed him, and could report you to the guards. So I suggest that you provide him what he requested, else you get arrested."

The brother laughed. "Hey, that rhymed!"

The man gulped and dashed into the back of the shop.

Plague Knight looked up to the men. "Thank you," he said with a small nod. "Why did you help?"

The one with the chainmail replied, "We were not about to leave an innocent boy to be harmed."

Plague Knight wanted to scoff, as he was certainly not 'innocent.' But they didn't need to know that.

Then it hit him.

They had the exact same voice!

After a moment of hesitating, he finally asked, "How do people tell you apart?"

The men looked to each other and let out hardy chuckles, and, to Plague Knight's horror, they had the same laughs, too!

"They don't," answered the one with the blue tunic.

"Unless we don't have our clothes, at which point you can tell from the scars," the other added.

His brother laughed. "Yeah, and the size of our-" He was cut off, however, by an enraged shout from his sibling.

"Didn't need to know that… At least there's some differentiation," Plague Knight breathed, still confused at how anyone could be _that_ identical.

"H-here," the old man yelled, appearing from nowhere, tossing a bag to Plague Knight.

In response, the boy tossed 6 coins on the counter. The man did not tell him whether or not this was the correct payment, and merely said, "Now leave, and take your brawny friends with you! They're scaring away business!"

Plague Knight rolled his eyes, well aware that their presence was not affecting anything, but nevertheless stood and moved to the door, waiting for the men to stop blocking the way with their meaty thighs. They wised up quickly and scooted to either side, allowing him passage.

As he walked to the ladder, he was stopped by the men, the one with the tunic being the one to speak first. "Do you know of a boy named 'Adam'?"

"Uh, yeah," Plague Knight responded. "Why?"

"We are looking for him. Do you know where he is?"

"Why do you need him?" Plague Knight asked, immediately defensive.

"That is not of your concern."

"Yes, it is."

Finally, the brother piped up, saying, "Unless you're Adam, it does not."

"Yeah, it does involve me, because I'm Adam!" Plague Knight yelled before pausing and having to fight back the urge to swear as he realized that he just admitted it without finding out the reason for the men wanting to find him.

They brightened. "We have been looking everywhere for you!" They yelled at the same time, pulling him into a bone crushing group hug.

After eventually managing to push himself away from them and regaining some air in his crushed lungs, he put a couple feet in between them and him.

"Who are you?" He growled.

"It's not a surprise you don't remember us, Adam. Last we saw you, you were a baby," the one with the tunic told him.

"Excuse you?" Plague Knight asked. "Seriously, who are you?"

"We are your family's bodyguards," the one in blue answered. "I'm Peter, and my brother is Thomas."

Plague Knight raised his eyebrow. "No, you got the wrong Adam. My family's dead."

"That's the thing!" Thomas yelled excitedly. "Your parents were being threatened, so they sent you to a foster home! When we heard they died, we went searching for you immediately!"

"How did they die?" Plague Knight questioned without delay.

"A house fire," Thomas answered just as quickly.

Swearing under his breath, he said, "My parents were abusive, they never let me out the house and verbally abused me every day. I doubt that you would willingly send me there."

The men cringed. "We merely sent you without a background check, and for that, we apologize, but we needed to get you out of the house as soon as possible."

"Where's your proof?" Plague Knight asked. "Just because my parents died by the same thing as the foster parents of the one you're searching for does not mean that I'm that person."

Out of his pocket, Peter pulled out a painting. He handed it to Plague Knight, who looked at it curiously.

"This is a painting we had commissioned so your parents would not forget your face."

Plague Knight frowned when it appeared vaguely like his current face. He looked at the picture, searching every detail for an inconsistency. Finally, he saw one and said smugly, "Ha! It can't be me! My eyes aren't…" he paused, the smile on his face slowly melting into a look of horror as he finished the sentence with, "blue."

There was silence for a moment. The men stared at him, confused.

Finally, he managed to yell, "My eyes are not blue, I swear! There was a-a…" he stumbled over his words, trying to explain. "A mishap. Yeah, with magic, you see. They're the color of amber, really!"

The men exchanged confused glances, and Plague Knight took the opportunity to bolt, dropping the picture as he did so, though he managed to hang onto the bread and bag. He decided to forgo using the ladder, merely jumping down the hole to the bar and nearly breaking his ankles upon landing. He slipped into the room where Mona waited, going over formulas while Xenon annoyed her, wanting Plague Knight's company more than hers.

Upon hearing footsteps, both looked up and stood.

"There you are," Mona said, seemingly relieved, though whether it was because he was breaking up the monotony or because she was worried something had happened to him since he was taking so long was unclear. She picked up the cat off her desk and handed her to Plague Knight, silently saying 'She's really obnoxious, you know that?' Once the kitten was curled up in his arms, she took the items and coins that he somehow managed to hang onto during the transfer.

Plague Knight fidgeted nervously, saying, "Alright, let's go."

"What's wrong?" Mona asked, watching him carefully.

"Some men are here. They're looking for an Adam whom they sent away to a foster home when his parents were threatened. Foster parents died in a fire, and the face in the picture of the Adam they're looking for when he was a baby is shockingly close to the one I wear now. Even down to the eye color."

"You do realize that if we run away now, they'll just hang around the village until they find you again," Mona said. "Come on, let's go find them and sort this mess out."

Plague Knight frowned as he watched her place down the items she held. Looking down at the animal in his arms, he asked, "You agree with me, right? This is stupid?" Xenon meowed. Though this could mean literally anything, he still looked up to Mona and said, "See, Xenon agrees with me!"

"I don't even think she understands what the hell you just said," she responded.

"Damn," Plague Knight muttered as though he had honestly expected that to work.

The two started walking, and Plague Knight hugged Xenon tight to his chest as he asked, "You won't let them take me away, right?"

Mona chuckled and placed her hand on his head in a reassuring way. "Not a chance. Now where are they?"

Plague Knight raised a hand silently, pointing to the two men who just finished climbing the ladder in a surprisingly unconcerned manner before chatting it up with some random drunk guy. Mona's expression, which was previously Plague Knight's definition of confidence, changed to shocked horror.

"OK, they may be able to take you," she conceded.

"Yeah, did I forget to mention they're two identical men, who are the meatiest creatures this world has ever seen? My bad."

Mona found herself unable to respond, as she was busy staring at the two bodyguards, wondering how they got their hands on enough steroids to allow them to bulk up to that level.

"U-um… Mona?" Plague Knight asked, lightly poking her hand, successfully snapping her out of her thoughts. Upon seeing her turn to him with a questioning gaze, he whispered a question, which was almost lost in the noise of the rest of the area despite it being fairly quiet. "You won't leave me now, will you?"

Mona rolled her eyes at his insecurity. Then, she responded in a very clear sarcastic tone, "Totally. I'm just going to walk off."

Plague Knight turned slightly pink out of embarrassment as he realized his reasoning for questioning her devotion was unfounded. Averting his gaze, he murmured, "R-right, stupid question."

Lightly placing a hand on his head, Mona told him gently, trying to not hurt his feelings, "Remind me tomorrow to work on your insecurity."

Plague Knight, after shifting Xenon so he could cradle her with one arm, pulled her hand away, opting to hold onto it tightly before walking forward where the two men waited patiently.

Looking up, Thomas asked, "Done running away, Adam?"

"I will not leave with you," Plague Knight firmly stated.

"Adam," Peter said softly.

Plague Knight's already firm grip on Mona's hand tightened farther. "I've made my decision. Now leave!"

The men were silent for a moment. Then, "Alright." The two said it at the same time, with no real malice or anger present in their voices. They seemed perfectly accepting.

The duo stood from their chair and started walking. Thomas started up the ladder first, making it halfway before Peter started. He paused and looked to Plague Knight. "We'll be back. Your father will be with us, too. Maybe he'll be able to talk sense into you."

With that, he too took his leave.

Plague Knight waited until they were out of sight before allowing himself to let out a frightened squeak.

Beside him, Mona let a satisfied smile slide onto her face. "So you didn't need me after all. Figures. Though it is worrying that they'll be back…"

"They're gone, though. That's what's important, right? Let's go before anymore stupid shit happens. By the way, I hope you realize that I am never going out there without you ever again."

Mona nodded and turned, not really feeling surprised by the outcome. As they began the short trek back, she noted that he had yet to release her hand. Smiling to herself, she wondered if he even noticed that he was doing it.

* * *

 **And the saga-thing begins!**

 **I will love you forever if you understand why I call them 'burly white dudes'. No, seriously. Here's some hints in case there are a lot of people calling them that, who I'm unaware of. 'Video games critic, Windows Movie Maker, and a seriously strange but devilishly creative sense of humor.' Got it now? No? What is wrong with you!?**

 **By the way, I am, not shitting you here, on Short 18 now. I mean, they aren't that long, but eep, I have no clue how I did that in less than a week.**


	13. Hero's Arrival, And The Ensuing Tragedy

**I hope my reviewers understand that I cannot tell if you're the same person or not when you aren't even particularly consistent with your capitalization. Or, you know, your ability to spell words. Just saying.**

 **Anyway, lovely joke, 'Just a reader'. It's terrible in the sense that it's great.**

 **To that one guy who continually seems to be attempting to confuse me... Good to know I'm not the only Monty Python and The Holy Grail lover here. That just made me go and watch the 'Tis But A Flesh Wound' scene again. Now I'm going to forever see Black Knight as that pathetic creature. They are very similar in mannerisms, I suppose. And do you seriously believe this story is the best one out of all of the Shovel Knight fics out there? Well, that makes me feel special!**

 **Anyway, this chapter gets particularly evil, so be prepared.**

* * *

Short 12

(Day 8)

Life after the two beefy men left was surprisingly boring. It was nice actually. No one bothered Plague Knight, which he was perfectly comfortable with, and life almost seemed normal. Of course, that's only if you disregarded the fact that he was around 7 years of age, and now had a cat following him about everywhere.

Five days after the last big event, the Magicist came up to him.

"Guess what!" She yelled, her tone indicating that she was extremely thrilled.

"What?" Plague Knight asked, not sharing her excitement, as he merely wished to return to his work.

"Get this; two adventurers have arrived in town. Two!"

This caught Plague Knight's attention. "Two? So we could drain half the necessary amount from both and avoid killing either, therefore not annoying you?"

The Magicist shrugged, probably having not even thought of that. The important thing was that there were adventurers, two in fact.

Plague Knight smiled evilly. "Nice! I'll go grab Mona and we'll round them up!"

The Magicist nodded. "I'll go keep an eye on them. Be quick."

Plague Knight dashed away in search of Mona before she was even finished with her sentence. It didn't take long to find her. She was tucked away in a corner, reading.

"Guess what!" He repeated the Magicist's words as soon as he had her attention.

"You killed Percy?!" Mona replied nigh instantly with mock enthusiasm, looking both bored and excited at the same time somehow.

Plague Knight shook his head. "I wish! But no. The Magicist says there are two adventurers in town!"

"Two?" Mona questioned, getting a nod in response. Without looking at it, Mona slapped her book closed; inwardly berating herself a moment later when she realized that she forgot to mark her page. She placed the tome down and stood.

* * *

Minutes later, the two, and their accompanying cat, were watching the Magicist as she chat with some random man, likely a tourist, but definitely not one of the adventurers, judging from his lack of armor or weapon. It took a while, but eventually he left, and the Magicist turned to assess them.

"Sorry," she apologized. "He's a chatterbox."

Plague Knight waved it off quickly. "It doesn't matter. Where're the adventurers?"

The Magicist held up a finger, closing her eyes.

Plague Knight looked up to Mona, who glanced back and shrugged helplessly.

Finally, she opened her eyes again and said, "They're in the forest. Go now, else you might not get a better chance to ambush them without getting caught by a villager or guard."

The two alchemists nodded simultaneously, turning and heading out without another word.

"The hell did she just do?" Plague Knight asked. "How did she find them?"

"I'm not sure," Mona admitted. "It's ridiculous, but maybe she can lock onto their magical signature and track them through it?"

Plague Knight laughed. "That's as good a guess as any, I suppose."

The two wandered into the forest, keeping an eye out for any humans.

"I wish she had informed us of the general direction that they were in," Plague Knight groaned. "This place is surrounded by trees, and she expects us to find two people hidden somewhere inside?"

"They aren't hidden," Mona corrected. "But I agree, they could be anywhere, and it's likely they're moving constantly. Finding them is not going to be fun."

They fell silent for a couple moments until Plague Knight got bored, yelling at the top of his lungs, "Yo! Stupid adventurer types, where are you?!" This action earned him a light smack on the head from Mona. "What was that for?" He was vaguely aware of Xenon growling menacingly at Mona in defense of her caretaker. "Down girl," he whispered to her, which she reluctantly did.

"You don't call the people you're attempting to find stupid, stupid."

Plague Knight gently rubbed his head, whining, "You didn't have to hit me."

"Oh, get over it, you big baby. I could knock you flat on your ass if I so wished, but will I? No; so you shouldn't complain when I do that."

Plague Knight grumbled, but kept his mouth shut.

"Halt!" A strong, familiar voice called out.

The alchemists complied, mostly out of confusion, and turned in the direction the voice came from. Standing there were Peter, on the left, and Thomas, on the right, (at least, that's what Plague Knight suspected, he were unsure if they had decided to switch their styles for the day) as well as a third, unknown man in the center. He seemed to be the father the bodyguards had told them of, as he stood just behind the two, and his clothing indicated that he was quite wealthy.

The father stepped forward, keeping an eye on Mona, seemingly glaring at her. Peter and Thomas moved out of the way immediately, allowing him to approach unhindered.

The man crouched in front of Plague Knight, slapping on a friendly smile within milliseconds of making eye contact.

"Good day, Adam," he greeted.

Plague Knight's eye twitched in annoyance. "What did I tell you, or more specifically, your lackeys? Go away!"

The man was taken aback.

"Well? Go!"

Mona stepped forward, positioning herself between her partner and the man, Xenon mimicking the action with a snarl. "I'm sorry, but he has no intention of going with you. I suggest you respect his wishes and leave."

The man's eyes narrowed. "Is that so…?" He stood and stepped back, sending a small signal to his guardians, who moved forward.

Xenon hissed as they approached, trying to keep them at bay. They barely spared her a glance; Peter kicking her to the side.

"Xenon!" Plague Knight yelled, rushing to retrieve her. He picked her up and found that she had been knocked out. Cradling her, he looked up, snarling. "You're going to pay for that."

Thomas raised an eyebrow as the boy started to move away from the area. "Oh? And how are you going to do that? It looks more like you're running away!"

Plague Knight didn't respond, as his 'running away' was actually just him placing Xenon behind a tree, hopefully out of the soon-to-be-battlefield. He reached behind him, placing his hand into a pouch with an evil smile, slipping into his battle stance as he almost absentmindedly searched from something within the bag.

Mona saw what he was doing and mimicked it. "Cluster?" She questioned vaguely, earning a nod from her partner.

"It's probably the only thing that could work effectively on such big creatures," he replied.

Peter and Thomas watched them silently, trying to figure out what they were going to attempt. They moved into defensive positions quickly, hoping to minimize damage from the inevitable attack.

Plague Knight withdrew his hand, having located the item he had been searching for in his magically enhanced bag. To the men's surprise and amusement, it was a small bottle filled with an orange fluid. They collectively thought as he lobbed it, 'How cute!' They noted Mona threw a similar such bottle, which they were far more wary of, believing her to be more strategic in her movements.

Peter attempted to backhand the bottle Plague Knight tossed, but when his hand came into contact with it, it shattered and exploded multiple times. He let out a pained cry, pulling his hand away quickly, finding it burned and blackened.

Thomas quickly jumped away from the potion Mona threw at him, finding that it exploded in a similar manner.

The brothers glanced to each other, realizing what they were dealing with. "You're an alchemist," they accused.

"Guilty as charged," Plague Knight told them smugly, not realized that they were only addressing Mona.

"What have you done to my child?!" The father yelled, marching into the warzone.

Plague Knight stuck his hand back into his pouch, silently warning the man back. He paused and stepped back, glaring at Mona as he did so.

"How many times have I told you now? I'm not your kid!" Plague Knight snarled. "I'm an alchemist, and I can and will blow your heads off if you don't leave immediately."

None of their opponents backed down. In fact, Thomas saw the distraction as the opportunity it was and grabbed a hefty rock, lifting it without so much as a grunt of effort, launching it at Mona.

Mona managed to react in time, but was still almost nailed in the chest. In retaliation, she hurled another cluster bomb at him, which was dodged once again.

At this point, the brothers drew their swords, to which their opponents smiled and laughed. They could outmaneuver the men with sufficient ease, peppering them with bombs until they ran away with their metaphorical tails between their legs.

"What's so funny?" Peter asked, though he did not get an answer, as the two started moving, grabbing a number of different bombs from their individual bags as they went.

The battle did not get very far before they heard, "Stop your stupid fighting, or the cat dies!"

Plague Knight stopped moving so fast that he nearly fell flat on his face. He whipped around to see the father holding the still unconscious Xenon with a small knife to her neck. "Xenon!" He called out with worry.

The man looked uninterested in the kitten he held, saying, "I don't understand why you care so much. But whatever, it worked." He made a small movement with the hand holding the knife, and Plague Knight growled threatening when it almost slit the cat's throat.

Suddenly, he was being picked up from behind by Peter, indicated by the blue covering the man's arms. His bomb bag was grabbed and tossed to the side. He very nearly smashed the remaining potion in his hand on his captor's arms, but as he moved to do so, he heard a small, but threatening "I wouldn't do that if I were you." He looked up and realized that any escape attempt would lead to the death of his cat. He snarled, mostly at his own softness.

Hearing a cry, Plague Knight struggled briefly to see what had happened, mostly failing until Peter turned to allow him to witness what was next. He nearly threatened to strangle the brothers with each other's own necks when he saw that Thomas had taken another cheap opportunity, blinding turning around and running his sword into Mona. It was likely he had been aiming for the heart, but she moved out of the way just in time to avoid that fate, and as such her left shoulder was run through instead.

She was on the ground, gasping for breath. Though it wasn't particularly obvious, Plague Knight could tell she was fighting back tears of pain.

Something snapped, and, cat be damned, he attempted an escape, taking the cheap method of kicking Peter where the sun doesn't shine. The man recoiled immediately, dropping Plague Knight, who launched himself at the father without a moment's hesitation, knocking his knife away and kicking his feet out from under him before he knew what happened.

Retrieving the knife, the child alchemist pressed it up against the man's windpipe, yelling, "Stop!" to Thomas, whose hand was resting on the hilt of his sword, still embedded in Mona's shoulder. He was well aware that if it were to be removed, she would bleed freely, and he had no intention of seeing that happen. "Step away from her!"

Thomas complied, so he turned his attention to Peter, yelling, "Peter, throw your weapon away! Now!"

"I'm Thomas," he corrected as he did so.

Plague Knight sighed. "Should've seen that coming." He turned to Mona, silently asking her to come to him with a twitch of his head. She slowly crawled towards him and he did a quick inspection of her wound. Peter had attacked with clear intent to kill, the sword buried up to the hilt, most of the blade sticking out the other end.

Grimacing slightly, he gestured her closer, handing the knife to her.

"I'll get the guards. Slit his throat and blow up his head if either so much as twitches."

Mona nodded, not needing to be told twice.

Sending a warning glare to the brothers, Plague Knight took off, arriving in the village within a minute. He hollered to the first guard he saw, whimpering like the child he appeared to be. "Some bad men have attacked us!"

The guard looked at the forest trail he had appeared from. "Where's Mona?"

"She's keeping them occupied," he answered. "But she's hurt. Hurry!" He turned and dashed to the forest, pausing briefly to ensure that the guard was following.

When they arrived, they found Mona lying on the ground, unconscious. Peter's sword, and the man himself, were no longer present. Plague Knight didn't dwell on this for long, however.

"There's no one here," the guard noted.

"Thank you, captain obvious," Plague Knight snarled as he rushed to Mona's side. He shook her, but what unable to obtain a reaction. He placed his hands over her wound and tried to slow the bleeding.

The guard raised an eyebrow at the snarky tone of voice, but ignored it in favor of retrieving the boy's kitten, failing to notice the severity of Mona's injury. He didn't make it halfway, though, before he was killed, a sword rammed with enough force to pass through his armor as though it were mere paper, piercing his heart.

Plague Knight jumped to his feet, inwardly cursing as he realized that he should have dragged an army behind him.

Thomas removed his bloodied weapon, casually shaking some of the blood off it.

Plague Knight took a cautious step backwards, eyes scanning the ground for his bag.

Peter held it, as well as Mona's, up, while asking, "Looking for this?"

Plague Knight's lips curled back into a snarl.

He was grabbed from behind, and held high enough that he couldn't kick any unsavory spots.

Plague Knight started to spew threats and insults, pissed more than one might think imaginable. He was halfway into a threat about ripping open their stomachs and feeding each other their own entrails when he felt something smack into his head, and all went black.

* * *

Peter looked to his brother with a nod. "Good, we finally got him."

Thomas gazed downward, to the unconscious woman at his feet. "What she would do with her?" He asked, poking her side absentmindedly with his foot.

"We could always carve up her legs. She wouldn't be able to pursue us like that."

Thomas thought for a second. "No, I have a better idea. We can't drag her back into the village to warn them, regardless of our service; we found out because we were attempting to 'kidnap' a child. But we should still leave them a message of what she is."

"You mean…?" Peter asked, cocking his head to the side, his expression an odd mixture of surprise and confusion.

Thomas didn't say anything, merely handing Plague Knight over to his brother before removing the knife he kept hidden in his boot, holding it in his non-dominate, but not exploded hand. He nudged Mona onto her stomach before he ripped off the back of her cloak.

"I kind of feel bad," Peter noted when his eyes caught a glance of her back, "her skin looks so soft and perfect."

Thomas scoffed as he plunged his blade into her. "You saying she deserves it?"

Peter shook his head, watching him lift the knife. "Like hell she does. Doesn't make it any less pretty."

Thomas briefly paused and fixed him with a playful smile. "Oh? Does that mean that if she weren't an alchemist or trying to keep Adam from us, you would date her?"

Peter let out a sharp bark of a laugh. "Excuse you? No way! You know I don't date!"

"Don't you want a family?"

"You can be the one to pass on the genetics. I'm certainly not gonna."

Thomas shook his head. "You really need to get over that first date."

"Like hell I am."

Thomas merely rolled his eyes, returning to his work. His lifted the blade, moved it, and plunged it downward again. It was at this point Mona regained consciousness, jerking upward, her mouth stretched in a silent scream. She spotted Plague Knight and reached up towards him, but was stopped by Peter planting his boot on her face, knocking her aside. She didn't move after that, though was conscious for a full minute until she finally passed out from the pain.

"Don't do that," Thomas scolded. "You almost ruined the cut."

"Well _sorry!_ " Peter replied sarcastically. "I didn't know you were a perfectionist when it came to torturing others."

Thomas rolled his eyes as though he were saying 'You wouldn't understand, dear brother.'

Once he was finished, he stood and frowned when he realized he'd gotten blood on his clothes.

"Let's go, before anyone realizes what happened," Peter advised. "Master is likely getting impatient; I doubt he enjoyed being told to wait away from the action."

Thomas nodded in agreement. "Let's hurry, then."

As the two men started walking away, Thomas stopped for just a second, looking behind him to observe his handiwork. Though her back was covered in blood, he could still make out the word he had carved there.

ALCHEMIST

* * *

 **Yep, shit's gotten real.**

 **If you can't see any of the irony of the brother's situation when they decided to 'warn the village,' then you have a worse sense of irony than I do.**


	14. Now For Someone Only Somewhat Related

**Why are you guys turning my review box into a chat room? (I don't mind too much, I just find it kind of hilarious.)**

 **To the Guy Who Reads My Stuff: Like how I changed your name? Haha! Anyway, I do have the next part planned and written, and if I hadn't already given Percy a small role in which he is actually present, I would have taken that idea in an instant. Alas, it is not to be. In the canon for this story, anyway. I'm definitely going to make the next chapter I write for this story just be an omake where that happens.**

* * *

Short 13

The Magicist couldn't help but worry after Plague Knight came back without Mona at his side, saying something about being attacked. She was trying to concentrate on a customer's words, so she missed most of what was said, but it was clear that it didn't bode well. It didn't help that the clouds made it clear that it was going to rain soon.

So, what must have been 30 minutes of listening to non-stop talking, she tried to pull herself away from the conversation.

"I'm terribly sorry, but can you excuse me? I must check on something."

The woman that had been chattering to her paused, watching her fidget for a moment before announcing, "I understand."

The Magicist didn't wait a second, bolting away. She dashed down the path she had seen Plague Knight run down, all the while wondering why they'd gone this way, as the adventurers, at least at the time, were in the opposite direction.

'I forgot to tell them to go south, didn't I?' She realized an instant later, immediately feeling guilty.

The wind carried with it the cry of a wounded animal, that of a feline, straight ahead.

The Magicist, who was trying to figure out why a cat had called out, nearly tripped over Xenon, whom suddenly appeared in her path.

The kitten, who seemed fine despite what her call indicated, looked at her pleadingly, seemingly attempting to herd her forward by nudging her legs. After getting her to move, Xenon bounded in front of her, sniffing at the air.

The Magicist wondered what she was doing. She abandoned this thought process, as well as the kitten, when she spotted a dead guard, his heart pierced. She immediately forgot about the poor individual when she saw something more pressing, that being Mona on the ground, Plague Knight nowhere to be found. Something had been carved into her back, but she was unable to make out what exactly, the blood covering it completely. Attempting to shake her awake yielded lackluster results, though it was probably best, as it was doubtful that she would take kindly to her condition.

Xenon was unconcerned for the poor woman, merely attempting to herd the Magicist again. She continually sniffed at the air, as though affirming that a particular scent was still there.

'Scent,' the Magicist thought, dwelling on the idea before it hit her and she jumped to her feet, yelling, "Scent!" Thinking quickly, she began focusing her magic. Squeezing her eyes shut, she desperately prayed to any and every god and goddess she'd heard of that what she was about to do would not render her blind or otherwise harmed. She had never attempted such a trick, especially not under pressure.

Forcing the gathered magic to her eyes, she opened them, staring intently at Xenon, who was covered in a purple aura.

"It worked," the Magicist breathed, stunned. She looked to Mona, finding a dark blue, almost black, aura.

A smile grew on her face for a split second before she concentrated, turning around and realizing that the whole area was covered in many different scents. It started to hurt her head until she focused on finding three different scents moving away from the battle ground.

There was a red trail, as well as a slighter darker colored red trail, and seemingly been held was someone with a light green trail.

'That must be Plague Knight,' the Magicist thought, breaking into a sprint. Xenon was quickly left behind, meowing uselessly.

The Magicist was sure to mark any trees she passed with her magic, which she honed into a sharp edge around her hand. This too was something she had never before attempted, and she could only thank her lucky stars that nothing happened to her when forming it.

Of course, her luck ran out quickly. She was ill-equipped for a run through a forest, and found herself tripping plenty of times. On top of that, she didn't have a lot of stamina, and she was already scrapping the bottom of the barrel after a quarter of a mile. Still, she pressed onward, albeit at a light jog.

She froze when a cold drop of water splashed onto her shoulder. She looked upwards, eyes widening in fear as she realized that it was finally starting to rain. "Just great," she muttered to herself, breaking into a run again. The rain would soon enough wash away the scents, and she was nowhere near where they could have gotten.

Despite her best efforts to follow the trails as far as possible before they washed away, they disappeared within 30 seconds.

The Magicist was left feeling guilty and broken. She slumped over, gasping for breath, finally stopping the magic flow to her eyes, which had been maintaining the scent vision. "Sorry, Plague Knight," she muttered, wishing she had been able to save him.

She didn't move for another couple moments, trying to catch her breath, before she straightened and launched herself back the way she had come.

It took a while, and she nearly caved to exhaustion a number of times, but finally, she spotted a small kitten, who more resembled a drenched rat at this point, waiting with a sorrowful expression beside Mona.

The Magicist was about to start dragging the other woman back to the village when she saw that most of the blood had been washed away with the rain, and she could see the markings on her back now.

"'Alchemist'?!" She read aloud, startled. "Oh no..." She slapped herself. "Deal with that later, deal with that later." She started to repeat that as she moved to pick up the unresponsive body.

After a second of thought, the Magicist crouched and pulled Mona onto her back, nearly keeling over from the sudden weight.

With some difficulty, the magic-user managed to pull herself and her passenger into the village, where the guards rushed forward.

"What happened?" One asked.

The Magicist shook her head. "I-I have no clue," she admitted. "But… Adam's gone, Mona's hurt, and there's a guard still in the woods." A guard moved to run and retrieve him before hearing her next words. "He's dead. Stabbed through the heart."

All present besides the Magicist and Xenon froze, shocked.

Feeling Mona start to slip, the Magicist readjusted her before attempting to shoulder her way past the guards. They all stopped her quickly, though, pulling Mona off her back before she could say anything. Not that she would, as she was feeling much too tired at the moment.

A couple people, seeing that they weren't needed with the injured, stayed by her side, guiding her back to her house. They left her once she and Xenon had wandered their way inside.

The Magicist didn't quite bother changing, merely throwing off her sopping wet dress and dropping face first onto her bed.

She let out a muffled scream while Xenon meowed pitifully.

* * *

 **I tried to make the Magicist's magic from being a bit of a gamebreaker, so I gave her suitably pathetic stamina and the fact that using untested and untrained magic skills without the use of a Relic or Arcana to channel it for you could be potentially disastrous, such as using an eye spell like being able to see in the dark could very well render you blind if you make the slightest mishap.**

 **By the way... I got Shovel Knight! After playing the first stage at 10:15 at night, the next day I unlocked Plague Knight with the code, and have been playing him off and on, playing the stages first with SK. I like Plague's movement a lot better since he's a lot faster if you aren't using the float burst, though pressing A while holding B to hold onto the burst is a bit awkward. Also, I did Propeller Knight's stage first out of the tier 3 knights because I couldn't find the resulting conversation between PK and Mona on Youtube. It's so cute! I wasn't aware that it's canon Mona will call Plague Knight 'Plaguey' on occasion.**


	15. Captured! Plus An Omake-Thing

**Well, it's been about a week, and I still have 4 and 3/4ths or so chapters finished and backlogged, so... here's the next chapter. I have a special little something for my chatty-ass reviewers at the bottom, because today's short is... well, it's short. Didn't even break 700 words.**

 **Anyway... my spam-y reviewer friend: I don't think I can respond to have of that... that's a lot, man. Here are some key points, though:  
Princess Bride... really? Are you going to start quoting Robin Hood: Men in Tights next? (If you don't know what it is, go watch it right now! It's on Netflix, I know that, and probably other places, too, so you likely don't have excuses besides laziness!)  
Why did you transition into German numbering for the last two numbers?  
'Tis cute indeed! I seriously wish I had known Mona's pet name was canon earlier, just so I could gush over it more often. Oh well.**

 **Those were the most important points to me.**

 **Also something of importance... I made a picture for this story! If you know me, which I kinda doubt, you'd know that I can get bored. Especially since we've run our internet dry, and I feel a little bad that I'm on it to upload this. So... I made a picture for this story in the last week! Neato, right?**

 **Um... Now go read the actual story!**

* * *

Short 14

Plague Knight stared down his captors, snarling viscously. After a solid hour of loudly tossing threats on his various ideas of how to make them suffer a slow, painful death, his throat started hurting, so he quieted somewhat. That didn't stop him muttering under his breath, however.

The sole upside to his situation was that he noticed Thomas' hand was covered up to the elbow in bandages, which was completely his work. It amused him somewhat to see the man in pain when he rubbed it against something accidently. That, and the only time he'd seen the father since arriving, he swore he literally scared the crap out of him with an evil grin and an 'I'm going to enjoy watching you burn…' He nearly hurt himself holding back the laughter from that little stunt.

"Adam," Peter droned once again. "Stop fighting."

"Yeah, kid, I'm tired," Thomas chimed in.

"I will never stop fighting you until I see your bodies blown into a thousand pieces," Plague Knight whispered in response.

"I thought you were going to break half the bones in our bodies, wait several days, and then slit our throats?" Peter asked.

Plague Knight opened his mouth, thought for a second, and then replied, "I've changed my mind. I'm going with my original idea of making you eat each other's entrails until you bleed to death."

The two men shook their heads, probably wondering just how Mona corrupted him so, turning and exiting the room.

"Finally," Plague Knight muttered. "I was wondering if you idiots would leave."

He started trying to cut at the rope binding his hands behind him with his nails. It was no use, though, as it was surprisingly thick.

Plague Knight let out a depressed sigh and slumped. "They'll come. I know they will. Right? Mona wouldn't leave me here."

"She won't be coming for you, Adam," Peter said, reentering the room with Thomas and the father following right behind.

Plague Knight jumped. "I thought you left!"

"We did. Now that your father is with us again, we can continue bugging you until you accept us."

Plague Knight scoffed and allowed a cruel smile to form on his face. "I have an unbreakable will. You'll never get me."

"Oh? And knowing that the one you have so much faith in won't be coming for you doesn't hurt that will?"

"I know she'll come. Unless…" Plague Knight fixed the men in front of him with a glare that sucked away any impression that he had a hint of kindness in his soul. "You did something to her."

"I didn't. Thomas did," Peter said with a shrug.

"Says the person who ran a sword through her shoulder."

"…OK, you got me there."

"So, while I wait patiently for my inevitable rescue, what do you plan on doing to me so I'll go to the dark side? Or would it be light side since I'm already on the dark side? Darker side?"

Plague Knight mulled over this idea for a couple minutes while he was watched with incredulous looks.

"This is the light side," the father said at length. "The dark side is staying with an alchemist."

Plague Knight opened his mouth to argue before sighing and shaking his head. "You've got to be kidding me. Listen to me, very carefully now. _I am an alchemist too!_ I have memorized the exact requirements to make your body spontaneously combust! I am the reason she knows half of what she does!"

Peter looked to Thomas and mouthed, 'I think he's gone delusional.'

Plague Knight was once again struck with the urge to murder every being (besides himself, that is) that was present in the room.

"I am not crazy!"

"Keep telling yourself that," Peter said.

"Thank you, I will," Plague Knight replied casually.

The father turned around and motioned for his bodyguards to follow.

For several minutes, Plague Knight was left alone with nothing to do but stare at a wall, uselessly scratching at the ropes binding his hands.

He sighed. "I need them to let me look out a window or something," he muttered to himself.

* * *

 **And now for that promised omake-type thing, because this short was indeed very short. None of what happens here will happen in the story's canon.**

* * *

Omake(?)!

The Magicist tiredly dragged herself into the lab to inform Plague Knight's workers of the current happenings. She was stopped by Percy.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"Mona's been incapacitated and Adam's been captured. I'm going to send the minions out to locate him."

"I'll help!" Percy announced, dashing out of the room before the Magicist could protest.

"Wha- Percy!" She yelled at his form as he disappeared. "Dammit," she muttered.

Percy ran in a random direction, not exactly sure where he was going. He probably should have thought about this… But Adam needs help!

In the forest, he found a guard attempting to move the dead body of one of his coworkers. Why exactly the deceased man had yet to be moved from the site despite it being several hours after the fact was beyond literally everyone. Slowing, the horse-man asked, "What happened here?"

"This is the site where Adam and Mona were attacked," the man answered.

Percy nodded. "Thank you," he said, running off in the direction of the nearby marked trees, failing to explain himself to the confused guard.

Several hours later, the panting animal creature came across a house on the far outskirts of a village. He didn't think, and busted down the door, scaring the ever-living shit out a woman who was sitting at the table, reading a book.

Percy ignored the sputtering woman and made his way upstairs, busting down every door he came across until he knocked down the correct one and found a familiar young boy staring at where the door had been with a deadpan expression on his face. He was tied to a chair, though that didn't seem to bother him much.

"What are you doing?" Adam asked, his expression not changing.

"I'm here to save you!" Percy announced, working at the ropes binding him to his seat.

"That's all well and good, but why you?" The boy couldn't help but ask.

"The Magicist's rallying the workers and Mona… I don't know what happened to her, actually. The Magicist said she was incapacitated."

Adam frowned at the news. "Fair enough." Then, under his breath, he muttered, "Should have known the simpleton would be the one to find me first."

Now freed, Adam jumped up and stretched his body lightly before dashing out of the room, followed swiftly by Percy.

They got to the door leading to the outside, but suddenly the way was barred by two large bodies. The escapee skidded to a stop, but his savior was not quite so quick, so he rammed into the boy's back and sent him face-first into the ground. "Ow," was the annoyed response.

At a rather unconcerned speed, two men filed into the room, one blocking the doorway while the other grabbed Percy.

"Trying to escape, are ya?" The one blocking the door asked.

"Believe it or not, yeah, I am, Thomas," Adam replied with an annoyed tone of voice.

"Well, that's not working out, now is it?" The brother asked.

"Got that right, Peter," Adam replied, his voice losing the annoyance and now just sounded bored. Once again under his breath, the boy started to mutter to himself. "The simpleton saves me, and then immediately fucked it up. Should have seen this coming; I really should've."

Percy found himself immediately overwhelmed by Peter's strength, and was led away to the basement while Adam was escorted by upstairs.

Once down the stairs, Percy was forced into a chair and tied there with some quality rope. The horse took notice of this and whistled. "That's some good rope you got there!"

"Shut up," Peter ordered.

Surprisingly, the now imprisoned horse did as ordered and shut his mouth. This lasted only about 30 seconds, however, before he started to ask about what time he got feed. Peter refrained from answering.

Plague Knight could tell when he wasn't trusted. Hell, there was only a small number of people that he could safely say trusted him. Therefore, it was not hard to tell that the twins and their master were thoroughly displeased, and were far more wary about leaving him.

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't like that guy," Plague Knight told them. "He's tried to give me love advice before… I think he thought I was trying to woo a horse! 'Stroke her hair while feeding her oats,' he said. Does he think I'm a farmer trying to get a rowdy goat to like him?"

The boy grumbled lightly as he thought about the incident. He laughed to himself as he recalled Mona's reaction when he informed her of that. At first it was an amused laugh, but when that ceased, she asked why he had requested love advice. Plague Knight was on edge immediately, stating that he hadn't asked for it, the horse had just given it anyway, which was entirely true, but for some reason he felt scared that she wouldn't take that excuse and would start prying into his love life. Granted, he knew that, realistically, she wouldn't do that. Not that it meant much when she was right there, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

Before he could think about any of that any farther, there was the sound of shattering glass from some other room. The twins immediately rushed out of the room. With the two bodyguards gone, the father removed his knife and took on a basic defensive stance. This didn't last long, however, before a minion came barreling in, utilizing a Spin Burst to avoid hurting himself from the flying pieces of windowpane.

The paterfamilias froze and stared, shocked beyond belief, until he was smashed over the head with a sizeable rock the minion had stored away in his bag.

"I figured you would want some form of revenge," the minion told Plague Knight as he cut away the ropes binding him.

"And I do," Plague Knight replied, gleeful when his employee handed him a bomb. He lobbed it at his captor, and laughed madly when the man's head exploded. The minion, despite willingly providing the explosive, was a little unnerved, as he still believed that the boy in front of him was just that… a boy.

When he was done laughing, Plague Knight walked through the door, finding the Magicist waiting for him, the dead bodies of the twins behind her, being removed from the area by multiple minions. "You done?" She asked.

"I've been 'done' since before I even got here. Let's go!"

The Magicist held up a hand, silently telling him to stop. With a frown, he did so. "Did Percy come by here?"

Plague Knight was silent as he mulled over his options. On one hand, the horse was annoying beyond belief. On the other, however, he had his moments of competence that made it worthwhile to have him around for.

Inwardly smiling, he decided. "No clue," he answered. "Why, what happened to him?"

"He heard about your situation and took off running. Hell, the only reason we're here right now is I was chasing after him, and the workers followed."

"You're really slow runners, then."

"He's a horse; of course he's faster than us."

Plague Knight nodded at the reasoning. He started walking, and everyone followed. "So… where's Mona?"

* * *

 **And… scene!**

 **I do hope that was too your liking. I cut it short there because it just seemed perfect, and plus if I kept going then I'd likely have to make an AU for my AU. And that just seems redundant.**

 **So, that's what you get.**


	16. And On The Other Side

**Dude, it's been exactly 90 days since I upload Short 1. Sorry, just something I noticed and made me go, 'Huh... Neat.'**

 **Anyway...**

 **ThatReviewSpam: Aw, you won't?**

 **Guy Who Reads My Stuff: 14: It'd make a terrible plot if the Magicist's attempts weren't so pathetic, though! Also, those Cipher Coins weren't too bad, but then again, I did watch someone play Plague of Shadows almost obsessively before I got it... God, that sounds sad.  
15: That... is a good alternative. Almost to the point whereas I'm tempted to change the line. And, by the way, I'm female.**

* * *

Short 15

(On the other side of the crisis…)

(Day 9; 2 of the kidnapping crisis)

"You understand your mission?" The Magicist yelled out to the crowd of minion, all of whom let out battle cries. "Then get out there and find him!"

All present rushed out of the Potionarium, going north to find the last tree that had been marked.

The Magicist made her way to a nearby chair and sat down, stroking Xenon when she jumped into her lap. The cat was nowhere near as happy as she should have been, however. The last couple hours for the Magicist (after she picked herself up from her bed, that is) had been spent planning on how to successfully rally all the minions in one fell swoop and trying to keep the poor creature occupied.

"How about we go see Mona?" She asked the depressed kitten. In response, she got a look that indicated that she was thinking, 'She's not Plague Knight, so therefore I do not care.' "I know, she isn't the one you want, but still…"

Picking up the feline, the Magicist returned to the village, watching as a couple less-than-stealthy minions dove into the forest. Luckily, they were not spotted by anyone else.

Soon enough, the Magicist arrived at the local doctor's office. Upon inquiring a nurse about Mona's whereabouts, she was led to her room.

Inside, Mona was alive, which was a huge relief, but more importantly, she was awake, and trying to sit up. She didn't get very far, though, before she fell back.

"Dammit!" She growled, weakly punching the nearby wall to ease her frustrations.

"Calm down," the Magicist advised, walking in alongside the nurse, who looked over the injuries to ensure they weren't ripped open during the attempt. Mona briefly looked to her before turning her head away. "I know you're unhappy, but you can't do anything right now."

"I'm aware. Pointing it out isn't helping anything, though," Mona grumbled in response.

The Magicist nodded to this and, while waiting for the nurse to leave, dropped Xenon on the bed. Mona absentmindedly ran her fingers through her fur. Once the door was shut, the Magicist leaned forward somewhat and whispered, "I've sent out every single troop that isn't brain-dead or missing a leg. We'll find him, I promise."

Mona provided her a grateful smile, which slipped away quickly.

"Something wrong?"

"I was supposed to keep anything from happening to him. It appears I've failed that."

The Magicist snickered. "Yeah, you make a pretty bad mother!" Mona glared at her, actually quite hurt by that comment. The smile fell from the Magicist's face. "I'm sorry, that's actually really rude."

"You think?" Mona snapped venomously.

"Yeah, just a little."

Mona fell silent for a moment, calming herself. Finally, she whispered, "How long do you think it will take to find him?"

"I'd say four days at least."

"A day's already gone by, what do you mean by four?!" Mona yelled, distressed.

"Well, there was a five day gap between them leaving and returning, right? Therefore, if we factor in the time they probably spent waiting to strike, of which there was little opportunity until now, and the walking time, which is more than half a mile at least, taking something of 15 minutes to cross when not running…" The Magicist quieted for a couple moments, having somewhat lost her train of thought. "Uh... I'm guessing that if the minions are running most of the time, they will find the spot where Pla-er… Adam is within at least two days, and then give them two to return to report because I imagine they'd all be worn out by then. Then, I'll have to travel there, which would be a good two as well…"

"So you're saying that it's going to take a long time?"

"I'd estimate at least six days before I could get there."

"Wait, what about me?" Mona asked with a frown.

"You are in no condition to travel for a good two days."

"You do realize that I will travel to the ends of the earth with all my limbs snapped in half for him, right?"

"I… am aware of that. But think about this logically. At present, you can't even sit up. In six days, you won't get much better. Our two day trip would increase significantly. Staying in the village is the best way to see him before the end of the month."

It took all of two seconds for signs to appear that showed that Mona was depressed by this. The Magicist was unsure of how to help with this, so she just placed a comforting hand on her uninjured shoulder.

"Just rest," she said, before looking down to Xenon, finding that she was much more content staying with the other woman. Nodding to herself, she turned to leave.

Once outside, the nurse started walking with her. "Is it true, what they're saying?"

The Magicist stopped in her tracks, shooting a confused look to the nurse. "That depends on what it is."

"They're saying Mona's an alchemist!"

The Magicist's eyes widened in shock. She was just about to try and put down the rumor when they heard a door flinging open.

"What?!" Mona yelled, marching over to the nurse and grabbing the front of his shirt. "Who's saying that?!"

"T-the doctor," he muttered, shocked.

"Calm down!" The Magicist demanded, pulling Mona away from the man. "Let me deal with this, alright?"

Mona slumped as she started to ache from her wounds. "Fine," she spat.

The nurse remained a good distance away from the women as they made their way back to the room they had just left.

The Magicist returned a moment later and looked to the nurse with false calmness. "Where's the doctor? I must speak with him."

* * *

 **This chapter is really short... I just really wanted to show off what was going on the other side of the crisis. It's no fun if you stay on one side, but aren't allowed to know how other people in the story are. Speaking of which... has anyone read/watched Tokyo Ghoul? I know, it's random, but it makes for a great example of what I'm talking about. The chapters that center around the Doves are incredibly mundane, but I don't feel I can skip them lest I miss an important detail.**

 **I tried to balance it all out when I made it.**


	17. And Back To The First Side

**And back to Plaguey!**

 **This chapter's a bit on the short side, but it's longer than the last one, so... yay?**

 **Anyway, Guy Who Reads My Stuff: Bah, who needs medical patient confidentiality anyway? And yeah, Percy's still sitting about in the lab. He shall get his tiny-ass role in the next chapter.  
Also, I did buy the knockback prevention armor for both of them, I just never wore it. Most of SK's playthrough was in the golden armor, and Plague Knight had the Treasure Trappings, because I am horrible at not getting killed, so once I figured out charging attracted my lost treasure to me, I was completely sold on the idea. After I had nothing else to buy, then I very quickly switched to the Dandy Duds (Well, that's the first time I've paid attention to that name. It's amusing.)  
By the way, you are, by far, one of the most loyal readers I've ever had. Ever. It's really kinda neat.**

 **Ah, anyway, go read!**

* * *

Short 16

(Day 12; 5 of the kidnapping crisis)

Plague Knight stared blankly at the men in front of him, not really noticing they were there. He'd long since learned to tune them out. He'd tried for two days (if you count the day he was brought to his 'cell' a day) to get them to listen to the reality of the situation, but they were stubborn. Three days ago was when he realized they weren't going to listen to him, so he figured why should he be kind enough to pay attention to their words?

They collectively heaved a sigh before turning to leave. This caught his attention. "Wait, can you at least let me look out the window?"

"Once again, Adam, not until you start to cooperate."

Plague Knight slumped for a moment before an idea popped into his head. "May I suggest something?"

He had their attention now, he knew.

"Why don't you let me wander the house? I mean, it's not nice to not let me know what I'm getting myself into with staying with you. Of course, I won't put up a fuss over having someone watch me at all times and what-have-you."

The three looked to each other. "So much for unbreakable will," Peter muttered.

"It's not so much as my will breaking, it's more of a matter of whether or not I'm going to go crazy from staring at a wall for several days."

"Outside," the father, who, on the second day, Plague Knight had learned was named an uncreative John, ordered.

Plague Knight patiently awaited their decision. He knew they would either take his idea as a sign that he was trying to figure out how to escape, which was pretty much true, or a genuine desire to join the family. The latter was, of course, a poor assumption, and he would lose any faith he had in the idea that these people were in any way bright if they decided that was the correct one.

At length, the men finally returned to the room. To Plague Knight's glee, Peter silently began untying the ropes keeping him in his chair. "Were you trying to break free?" He held up to rope that had tied his hands. Surprisingly, his continuous sawing had actually made it a quarter of the way through the thick cord.

"Nope," Plague Knight defended himself with an innocent tone of voice as he brought his hands in front of him, rubbing at the wrists. "You see, I have a bit of a… nervous habit, and I need to do something with my hands if my mind is not occupied. Therefore, my hands played with the only thing they had access to, that being the rope." This was actually the truth, as he had long since given up actively attempting to cut the cord binding, but allowed his hands to saw at them when he had nothing better to do anyway.

John was clearly lost in thought for a couple moments before accepting this fact.

Plague Knight jumped to his feet, stretching. "Much better," he stated, turning around and taking a good long look at the room he was in. Sure, he'd been able to get away from the chair whenever he had to use the toilet, but he was not allowed the time to look around. To his disappointment, it seemed to be nothing more than a guest bedroom. The sky outside the window seemed to indicate that it was reaching the evening.

Finding the room to be wholly unremarkable, he made his way to the hallway, noting all the while that he was watched like a hawk by all three men. He forced himself to ignore them and proceeded to poke his nose into every room he spied in a manner similar to what a puppy might do when brought to his new home. While plenty of things scattered about seemed to be quite shiny and expensive, he found he was underwhelmed with the lack of points of interest.

Out of boredom, he let out a yawn. His self-appointed shadows took this as a sign that he was actually tired, and so he suddenly found himself being ushered towards a room he had looked through earlier.

Once inside, Thomas moved a dresser in front of the window to keep him from escaping, therefore blocking most natural light from entering.

Plague Knight tried to tell them that he wasn't tired, but before he could actually state this, he found himself lying in the bed. His mouth was left agape in confusion as the men all turned and left him alone.

"What just happened…?" He questioned uselessly, keeping his voice a low whisper.

Rolling his eyes at their nonsense, he waited 5 minutes before he climbed out of bed, frowning when he realized that he now had no way of getting back on. Not that it mattered to him, as he wasn't actually in the mood to sleep.

Lightly humming a random tune for no reason in particular, Plague Knight gave the dresser a light shove, testing its weight. It moved a couple inches, to his surprise. The only issue with this being a viable way to escape was that it made a screeching sound on the floor that made him momentarily believe that a cat was being trampled by a horse just outside his room.

Upon hearing the cacophony, he froze, awaiting the inevitable return of his kidnappers.

But no one came.

Plague Knight blinked, confused.

"Oh?" A smile grew on his face almost immediately as it occurred to him that the house very well could have walls and floors thick enough that noise would have a difficult time traveling through it. He focused on the dresser. Regardless of the idea that the residents were unable to hear most of the noise he made, he was still somewhat paranoid. After a moment of thinking, he snatched the sheets from the bed, carefully lifting up each end and shoving fabric underneath the legs.

Smiling to himself, he started pushing the dresser, glad to find that sheet kept the noise to an absolute minimum.

He froze when he heard a knock. 'Did they hear?' He questioned himself. He glanced at the partially hidden window. He'd have to get himself going pretty fast to squeeze through the gap as it was.

"Adam, are you awake?" An extremely muffled voice questioned, likely one of the brothers, he figured, simply because he doubted John would be willing to 'wake' the child that already acted like a hormonal teen.

"Y-yeah," he answered, wondering if they had somehow missed the racket he had been making, considering the casualness of the call.

"Dinner's ready."

"Dinner…?" Plague Knight questioned under his breath as though it were a foreign concept. It wasn't, technically. He'd eaten dinner before. The problem laid in that he, and Mona as well, had a nasty habit of completely neglecting it to the point whereas they had to be reminded what it was on the rare occasion anyone brought it up. It didn't help that he hadn't been allowed any until now because of his 'bad behavior.'

"Adam?" The voice called out when he failed to respond.

This snapped Plague Knight out of his thoughts. "Oh, um… Sorry!" He started to move towards the door. "Coming!"

The door swung open and Plague Knight looked upwards, finding that it was neither Thomas nor Peter that had been sent to retrieve him, but rather a young woman.

After a moment of silence, he questioned, "Who're you?"

The woman looked equal parts heartbroken and completely understanding at his lack of knowledge. "Why, I'm your mother!" She replied with a cheerful tone.

Plague Knight's jaw dropped. "What? I've been locked up for a good five days, and you're only just now introducing yourself to me?"

Now the woman's face shifted into a sort of resentment. "Your father wouldn't let me go see you. Something about you being crazy, but you seem sane to me."

Plague Knight let out a relieved sigh. "Finally, someone who might have some common sense. Listen, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm not your son. I'm a grown ass adult who got turned into a kid as a result of a magical accident. My name's not even Adam, I just took the name because I didn't want to face everyone with the fact that I messed up."

"Then what's your real name?"

Plague Knight averted his gaze. "I'm not going to tell anyone that, let alone someone I hardly know."

"You're not going to let anyone know that? But that would mean… either you're a horrible recluse…" Plague Knight murmured 'Effectively.' "Or you're a knight."

"That too," Plague Knight said. "I'm both of those, okay? Now can you please tell your husband that I'm not his kid?"

The mother looked unhappy with this. "Will you at least stay for dinner?"

Plague Knight raised an eyebrow. His stomach made up his mind for him with a gurgling noise. "That answers that, I guess."

The young mother giggled softly in response to this, taking his hand (though he wasn't particularly happy with this), and led him into the decent-sized, expensive-looking dining room that Plague Knight swore was not there before. Seriously, he had no idea how he managed to overlook it while touring the house.

John was already at his spot, and the two brothers were on either side of him. There were three remaining spots, the one directly across from John likely for the mother. Ultimately, there was a single remaining chair when everyone was accounted for, likely for guests.

The men looked to him and smiled.

"Ah, Adam. Did you sleep well?" John asked as Plague Knight took a seat beside Peter, the one who infuriated him the least overall. Oh, he was still pissed about the shoulder stab, but as far as he could tell, what Thomas did after he was knocked out was far worse.

Plague Knight nodded without really thinking about the question. He hadn't attempted sleep at any point, but he didn't want anyone asking what he had been doing the good 7-something minutes he'd been in there. Why did they even assume that he could fall asleep and get a good rest from 7-something minutes anyway?

Peter noticed his lack of true reaction to the question and lack of attention to the adults and smiled, patting him on the head. "Aw, he's still tired!"

"Don't touch me," Plague Knight snarled, lightly swatting at the hand. Then, in a lower voice that no one else could catch he asked, "Why did I agree to this?" His eyes looked to the mother as she brought in freshly baked goods. "Oh, right. That."

* * *

 **Yep, Plague Knight decided 'You know what? I'll stay for dinner.' He is apparently very easily bought. Also, he revealed as much of the whole truth as he can without telling the wife that he's Plague Knight, the killer of just about everyone. How does she respond? "Come eat dinner with us!" Really, lady?**


	18. And Once Again Back To The Other Side

**I got my PS3 working! Yeah, that's why I'm uploading this at 9:56 something (Pacific time) at night. It's a good thing I have up to Short 21 finished, because I'm not going to be able to put that down until my controller dies. (I'm not sitting on the floor.)**

 **Anyway, back to the girls' side of the crisis. Early on, I mention Mona as being younger than the Magicist. No one has their ages stated, so I like to think that the alchemist is not as old as the magician.**

 **Well, that's all I have to say. Have fun.**

* * *

Short 17

(Day 13; 6 of the kidnapping crisis)

"You going to be okay for a couple hours?"

A small nod.

"If you say so. Yell if you need me."

The Magicist walked out of the room, letting out a sigh as she did so. She didn't have high hopes that she would raise her voice beyond a whisper even if someone broke in and was attempting to kill her.

After the first 3 days staying at the doctor's, Mona looked like she was either going to go crazy or become as lifeless as a vegetable, so the Magicist took her back to the Potionarium. The doctor was glad to have her gone, as both women very nearly scared him quite literally shitless at least three times on the day they left alone.

Despite being in a more familiar and comfortable environment, Mona continued to become more unresponsive with each passing day. While this made the prospect of her reopening her wounds unlikely at best, it quickly became difficult to get her to so much as eat. She was even starting to ignore Xenon, regardless of the cat's constant pleas for attention.

This was starting to really eat at the Magicist. Despite her admittedly mean comments about the younger woman being 'Adam's' mother, she was fully aware of her feelings towards her partner, and the fact that he saw her the same way, and that's why she felt extreme exasperation and disappointment when after Mona joking told him to get out his final words before they attempted to return him to his real age, he failed to get it out despite the fact that he was clearly arguing with himself over it. She wasn't about to step in and let each other know unless this continued on for another year or two, though, because it just wasn't her place.

The Magicist was honestly starting to wonder if the best course of action was actually to bring the other woman with her on the trip to get Plague Knight. At least she'd respond to that.

Nodding to herself, she resolved to drag Mona along. Only if she could walk, of course.

As luck would have it, a minion came running up to her, flailing his arms about wildly. "I found him!" He shouted excitedly.

"Are you sure? I've already had several idiots tell me that today, but their descriptions were far from accurate."

The minion nodded confidently. "Yeah, I tried that potion thing you gave us to sense the magic signatures of the people we were looking for!"

"So did the other ones," the Magicist cut in.

"You didn't let me finish," the minion said. "I came across a house, which was literally straight from where you left off. I'm guessing they weren't trying to be sneaky. Anyway, I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I found two men who had absolutely no magical capacity, to the point of absurdity."

"That must be the two buff guys," the Magicist muttered.

"Would you stop interrupting?" The minion growled.

"Sorry, go on."

"Thank you. There was another that seemed… normal, I guess, and then one that seemed distinctly…" he searched for the correct word for several moments.

"Female?" The Magicist provided. "That usually trips people up."

The underling snapped his fingers. "There we go; it wasn't that of a male! That was bugging me the whole way back!"

"Yes, anyway, about Adam?"

"I was getting to that. So, I finally spotted a fifth signature, and it was, well, odd is the only way I can describe it. He was clearly male, judging from what you just said about the males and females apparently being different (why is there a difference?!) and there was something weird about it. He clearly had quite the capacity for magic, far beyond anything anyone else and he really stuck out like a sore thumb. Though I do fear that means that it couldn't be Adam due to his status as an abused child, but…"

"No, he had a good affinity for magic, at least more than what he has towards the physical arts. However, let me ask you this… How do you know it wasn't just a visitor, or a smart member of the family?"

"I felt… rage. Is that possible?"

The Magicist nodded. "Indeed, it is. Your emotions can affect your magic, and that can make using it particularly self-destructive weapon if you're trying to use it directly after or during a painful event. Anger makes it more powerful, but also more likely backfire, sorrow can cause it to be less powerful or just not work to begin with. You get the point."

The underling nodded. "Right, thanks for the magic lesson I didn't ask for. So I'm not crazy then. I'm not well versed in this sort of thing, but I swear it was aimed at the three other men!"

The Magicist nodded. "Alright. I'll gather a team and go check it out. Thank you. You may rest for a couple of hours before we go."

"I'm coming with you?" The minion asked, incredulous.

"Of course. Go rest now."

The minion nodded slowly and turned, walking away.

The Magicist set about gathering the few remaining minions in the Potionarium, informing them that they would be accompanying her. After that, she made her way over to Percy.

"Mona and I are going after Plague Knight in a couple hours. I'm going to be entrusting you to hold down the fort until we can get back."

Percy blinked in confusion. "But Mona just left."

The Magicist's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "And you just let her go?"

Percy shrugged. "She seemed in a hurry. I figured it wouldn't be wise to hold her up."

"Wait, was she _running_?"

Percy nodded.

The Magicist took a deep breath, and then let it out as a low hiss, finally allowing herself to yell, "Shit! Don't you know she's hurt?"

Percy nodded slowly, surprised at the rage that the Magicist was showing. "Well yeah, but…"

"And you let her run off?!"

Percy took a couple steps back, correctly identifying that the situation he had gotten himself into was not exactly ideal despite his usual inability to figure out what he's walking into. "If you're quick, you can catch her," he provided.

The Magicist almost continued chewing him out, but figured she could deal with that later. Turning swiftly on her heel (a feat that she was surprised she managed in high heels), she dashed as fast as she could to the exit.

* * *

 **Oh, the suspense! Yep, Mona bothered to drag herself out of bed upon hearing the minion shout, then snuck out of the lab afterwards because she wasn't aware that the Magicist was going to bring her along.**

 **Yeah, the magic lesson was there more or less just because I could, and the rules and workings for magic are not elaborated on, so I thought I'd throw in my two cents about how parts of it could work.**

 **Also important, this chapter marks where this is officially not something the canon can cross with. Why? It's a small detail, but I stated that the Magicist was well aware that Plague Knight liked Mona, and vice versa. It's small, so most of the canon could still take place, but still. It opens up possibilities for what else I could shake up that would otherwise fuck with the canon that I don't quite care about now.  
Suggestions, people?**


	19. Reunion!

**Hey, I didn't need to be reminded it was the deadline! Yay! Somewhat surprising considering most of my time on the laptop for the past day and a quarter have been watching Code Lyoko, which I recently remembered was a thing from my childhood. That show got away with so much crap, it almost makes me think the censors didn't look it over when it came to the US. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that it was originally French...? Though that hardly excuses the characters' crulety to Sissy. That shit's fucked up.**

 **Uh, enough of that rambling, here's this rambling! The first section is exactly 444 words. It was so amusing to me that I actually took many different steps to ensure it stayed that way when I found any grammar mistakes. Seriously.**

 **The first two paragraphs are actually based around that amusing thing you can do with people (presumably when they're drunk) where you wave your hands in front of the victim's face saying, "You're running through a forest, dodging trees left and right; then you hit one!" And you proceed to hit them on the forehead. I've looked up on the interwebs... no one else seems to do it the same as my family. Strange.**

 **Anyway, enjoy, as per usual!**

* * *

Short 18

'Turn back!' was all that she could think of. It was stupid to keep running through a forest, dodging trees left and right, all before you smack into one.

She rammed headfirst into a low-hanging branch. Before long, she was lying on the ground, panting heavily.

'There, see?' Mona's brain muttered, exasperated by her emotions taking control of her body. 'Now look at what you've done.'

'Oh, like you're doing any better?' Her heart asked in a snarky tone.

'The Magicist told us it'd be better if we waited.'

'It'll feel like an eternity of waiting.'

'I'm aware of that, but think!'

'That's your job, not mine. I exist to save ourselves undue ache.'

'Yeah, but you're going to kill our body!'

'Whatever. I have to find our man.'

With that fabricated exchange out of the way, Mona stood and nearly fell over again, forcing her to lean against a tree. She took a deep breath and held it for a moment in a desperate attempt to get her already aching lungs to feel even slightly better. When that failed to work, she merely launched herself into a staggering run again.

She hoped she was going in a straight line. It was difficult to tell when having to jump this way and that to avoid running headlong into a tree. She had long since gone past the last point the Magicist had marked.

She didn't even know why she was running anymore. The Magicist couldn't possibly catch up to her now, if she even knew that she had disappeared to begin with. By this point, it was getting dark, and she was already tripping on just about everything. She wasn't wearing any shoes, not thinking to change out any of her attire before dashing out of the lab. She was sure her feet were a bloody mess at this point.

Finally, she spotted it. It was right there!

At this point, Mona's usually rational mind decided to just give up. It was well past midnight and she was very nearly dead on her bloodied feet, but her partner was just a couple minutes of quiet sneaking away. Before completely giving up and letting her emotions carry her, her mind muttered, 'Of course, this is all assuming he hasn't run away yet. He probably already did; I don't see why he'd wait.'

Mona completely ignored this and stumbled forward. She slowly tested the doorknob, surprised to find that it was unlocked. 'Trap!' Her mind woke up to scream, but she continued anyway.

Just inside, there sat, in almost a meditative pose, Plague Knight. Upon hearing the door, he opened his previous closed eyes. He smiled.

* * *

He could have run away a long time ago. Yesterday, in fact. He had been sent to his room after dinner for gleefully sending a spoonful of potatoes at Thomas (which he completely deserved). He moved the dresser completely out of the way and prepared to jump before thinking better of it. For one, someone would be coming for him; even if Mona had to make a pact with the devil himself, he was sure that _someone_ would arrive, searching for him. That's why he didn't complain when he figured out the young mother had no intention of telling John that he wasn't their son, despite his annoyance. A second, also sound reason was that it would hurt to jump out of second story window with the body of a seven-year old.

So he waited. And when the sun fell below the horizon and he was sure everyone was asleep, he slipped downstairs. He unlocked and opened the door to see if there was anyone there, and was unsurprised to find no one.

And so, he closed the door and sat down at the doorstep, just outside of where the door swung. And he waited.

When the sun started to rise, he rose as well, locking the door back up and returning to his room, not making a sound the whole way. He curled up beside his bed (he had tried, it wasn't possible for him to get onto that one either) and slept until someone came to retrieve him. Unsurprisingly, the mother, whom was the one to be sent, was concerned to find him on the floor. Plague Knight waved it off as him just rolling off the bed and failing to notice. She seemed to buy the excuse.

The next day was much the same. He pretended to get situated in the new area, even though really he was bored out of his mind. As soon as he spied some books, he made a mad dash for them, sticking his nose in one of them that was particularly large before anyone could question him. He then proceeded to ignore everyone until the tome was snatched away by John, who then informed him it was dinner time. Apparently they didn't care if he had lunch, though.

Anyway, back to present time now…

Plague Knight heard the doorknob shift and he nearly jumped out of his skin, honestly surprised why someone would seriously try the front door in such a casual manner.

He opened his eyes and looked up, smiling when he saw a familiar figure. She was gasping for breath, looked like she hadn't slept in a week and she had scratches covering most of her body, which he noted was without its usual cloak, and instead donned shorts and a simple short sleeved shirt. The most notable cut was one on her forehead, which he figured could only come from reckless running straight into a tree. He could see the bandages on her shoulder were turning a dreadful dark color, likely ripped open from what seemed to have been a mad dash. Still, it had been nearly a full 6 days since he had seen her last, and so now, he couldn't be happier.

Slowly standing and not dropping his smile, he jokingly criticized her. "Took you long enough!"

Mona failed to respond to this. She dropped to her knees and pulled him into a weak hug, however. Plague Knight was unbothered by this and returned the hug, the wide smile on his face almost becoming painful.

He was just about to suggest that they run away before anyone somehow realized what was happening, but that train of thought got derailed right quick when he heard gentle sobbing. Incredulous, he pulled himself away from his companion just enough to find that she was indeed crying.

"H-hey, what's wrong?" He asked, wondering if he did something stupid.

Mona shook her head, as though she had just as much of a clue as he did. "I guess I'm just really happy. I felt like I was going to die if I had to spend another day without hearing a single word on where you were."

Plague Knight absentmindedly wiped at the tears flowing from her eyes. "You're being overdramatic."

"Not really. I could hardly eat. I was probably going to starve!"

Plague Knight looked down at her waist, finding that it was much thinner than usual. "Oh dear," he muttered. "How in hell did you make it down here?"

"Honestly? No clue. I guess with enough determination, you can keep going until the ends of the earth."

Plague Knight blinked, surprised. "Okay… Do you think you can last long enough for us to get some distance into the forest?"

In response, she shook her head tiredly. "I can't guarantee anything."

"What, you're going to give up halfway?"

Another shake of the head. "My goal was getting to see you again. Getting back never crossed my mind."

"Having a sever lack of forethought is my thing, back off!"

Mona had the nerve to provide him with a cheeky grin. "Sorry, but I'm going to have to borrow it for a while."

Plague Knight laughed lightly. "Fine, take it. I want it back, though."

Mona staggered to her feet. "No, actually, I think I'll keep it."

"You can't do that!" Plague Knight complained as though he were annoyed, though his next action, that being taking Mona's hand in his, indicated otherwise.

Mona did not reply, so the matter was swiftly dropped.

Before they even took a single step, Mona was trembling, struggling to simply stand. It was times like this that Plague Knight truly wished his height potion had actually succeeded, so she would have someone to lean against. As it stood now, though, he was too short and weak to be of any assistance. So, he did the only thing that he could. He talked, or more accurately, rambled on a one-sided conversation to keep her mind off the pain she was surely feeling.

Mona didn't give the usual cues, such as nodding, to indicate that one was listening to another. Despite this, her partner was sure that he had her attention, even if she wasn't listening to the actual words he spewed. She managed to start walking, though she stumbled every couple steps.

Plague Knight took this as a good sign and continued chattering until he completely forgot to look where he was going and ran straight into a tree. Groaning, he raised his free hand and felt his face, and found that, although his nose hurt a great deal, nothing was severely damaged.

"And that's the last time I forget to pay attention," he muttered as he looked to Mona, who was staring at him with something akin to apathetic worry, which Plague Knight didn't know existed until now. Of course, it could be that she wasn't apathetic, just a little lifeless because she was tired.

Letting out an annoyed groan, Plague Knight started walking again, resuming his talking until he managed to run out of things to say. After that point, he decided to switch to humming, which eventually evolved into a lackluster rendition of a song he'd once heard from the bar above the Potionarium. He was not exactly known for his ability to sing, and he certainly didn't know more than probably 5 words, but it repeated those words often enough that he could just make up things that fit the tune for the rest and no one would be the wiser. Granted, his only company likely didn't even notice he was actually saying words, so that kind of made the whole point moot. Didn't stop him.

When he drew the song to a close, he heard a light clapping. Looking around, he found no one that could have made the noise. Then, from the shadows, arrived the Magicist, looking worn out and thoroughly annoyed.

"Wow, you look like a tornado hit you!" Plague Knight exclaimed, surprised to find anyone in the woods at such a time.

The Magicist sighed. "I know," she ground out, teeth clenched. She focused her attention on Mona. Pointing a finger at the other woman, she growled, "What the hell were you thinking!? They're just going to come for him again!"

Mona did not respond, however. There was a blank look adorning her face as she stared unblinkingly ahead.

The Magicist blinked. Any anger she may have held disappeared, giving way to confusion. Looking to Plague Knight, she asked in a low voice, "How long has she been like this?"

Plague Knight shrugged. "About 10 minutes."

"And you didn't think that you should stop for the night?"

"I know. I just wanted to put some distance between us and them."

The Magicist nodded, understanding his reasoning. "Still, I'm surprised she hasn't keeled over."

As if that were a magic command, Mona fell to the ground, passed out.

"Well, good job, look at what you did," Plague Knight said. "I guess that means we're stopping for now."

The Magicist nodded, crouching to fix Mona's position before settling down on the ground herself. Plague Knight followed suit a moment later.

Before drifting to sleep, Plague Knight reached out and poked the Magicist. "Hey," he muttered.

The Magicist turned her head to look at him. "What's up?"

Plague Knight gulped. "While I was in there… The brothers said they–Thomas specifically-did something to Mona that would prevent her from coming for me. Clearly that didn't work, but… just what did they do?"

The Magicist cringed, seemingly debating on whether she should inform him. Finally, she gave up once she saw that he was looking at her with pitiful, desperate eyes, wanting to know, but too scared to ask the victim herself.

Taking a deep breath, she whispered, "They carved her back." Plague Knight looked appalled. "But wait, it gets better! They actually had the nerve to think themselves heroic. So they carved a word. Care to guess what it was?" Plague Knight shook his head, trying to beat down the unbridled fury he was already feeling. "Alchemist." Now, the child scientist looked scared, clearly for his partner's safety. "Ironic, isn't it? That they thought they could steal away a child, and then attempt to warn a village of another criminal. Luckily, because of this irony, and me threatening the doctor and nurses who saw the message to keep quiet, it looks like no one really believes it, if they heard about it at all."

Plague Knight let out a sigh of relief. "Good, good."

He rolled over, facing Mona. After giving it some thought, he stood and circled around her, lifting up the back of her shirt.

"Plague Knight, what do you think you're doing?" The Magicist asked in a teasing tone.

"Pipe down," Plague Knight muttered. "I just want to see."

The Magicist laughed. "I know. But you aren't going to find anything. It's completely covered up right now. Maybe once she wakes up, you can ask for her to show you."

"Something tells me she wouldn't enjoy having that brought up."

"Why? Because she'll think that you're just wanting to see her naked?"

Plague Knight immediately turned a bright red. "Well, now that you mention it, she might!" He took a deep breath and held it as long as he could in an attempt to calm himself. Finally, he let it out and stated, "No, I'm just worried it'll bring up bad memories."

"Best to do it while it's still fresh, then," the Magicist advised before she yawned. Rolling over so she was facing away from the alchemists, she muttered, "Now go to sleep, we'll deal with this later."

Plague Knight nodded silently and returned to his previous place on the soil, curling up beside Mona and letting sleep overcome him.

* * *

 **Yay, reunion! Happy day, yeah? Indeed, indeed. Well, other than the fact that Mona'll definitely feel like utter shit the next morning.**


	20. The Return

**Alright, I'm several days late.**

 **...And I have school tomorrow. Joy.**

 **Anyway, successfully completed the kidnapping arc, if you want to call it that. And now I have no idea where to go with this story. I've been letting that arc carry me through the past 10 chapters.**

 **I decided to make a cute fluffy Short 24, but... I don't know. Either I'm going to have to start actually thinking, you guys are going to have to start thinking, or I'm just going to have to find a way to end it. Might have to considering school is likely going to drain me of all life. I could still make other things, though, to amuse my fans. Maybe make a joke fic concerning the Chibi Specter Knight shimejis. Let's face it, they are adorable. I want to hug them.**

* * *

Short 19

(Day 14)

Mona awoke to the sound of talking. She let out a low groan and opened her mouth, fully prepared to start shouting her lungs out at the idiots who dared to disturb her sleep. She was stopped by a familiar, excited to the point of almost being ear-splitting, voice calling out, "She's awake!"

Another voice chimed in, much quieter than the previous one. "Quiet down. Just because she's conscious doesn't mean much. You're probably just giving her a massive headache."

The previous voice replied with, "Ah, right. Sorry, Mona."

Mona grumbled in response to this and forced her eyes open, blinking repeatedly when the rising sun got in her eyes. 'Sun?' She questioned. Looking around, she realized that she was in a forest, and the Magicist and Plague Knight were in front of her. The former looked somewhere between mildly happy and extremely pissed off, while the latter had a sheepish, apologetic grin on his face.

Tiredly, Mona shook her head in a vain attempt to remove the cobwebs clogging her brain. It didn't work particularly well, and she was left as dazed and confused about her actions as before.

Plague Knight seemed to notice her disorientation. "You alright?"

"Maybe, maybe not," she answered. "I'm still trying to figure that one out for myself."

"Well, that's reassuring," the Magicist commented sarcastically.

"Do you think you can walk?" Plague Knight asked gently.

"Let's find out," Mona replied, pushing herself into a standing position.

Plague Knight nodded happily and pointed in the direction they were heading, waiting for her to start moving before taking a single step himself.

Mona's body, still weary from the previous night's excursion, though she still for the life of her could not remember what that even was, was stiff, and on multiple occasions attempted to seize up and downright refuse to work properly. Despite this, she decided it best to not request a break at any point. She saw a particular expression she hoped to never see on Plague Knight's face. He was worried, scared even; something was chasing them. He glanced behind him constantly as though expecting something to jump out at them at any moment. None of them had any weaponry, unless the Magicist could conjure her magic into a sword, so they were basically defenseless.

The Magicist walked at a speed that the younger woman found it difficult to keep up at times. Plague Knight took notice of this and said on her behalf, "We should slow down a little. Mona's having trouble keeping up."

"I'm fine," Mona insisted. "We should get back as soon as possible."

In spite of this, the Magicist slowed her pace, though only barely.

It was many minutes later until the silence that befell the group was broken again. "How long do you think it will be until they come?"

The question had come from the Magicist, and Mona prayed that it was directed towards Plague Knight, because she still couldn't figure out what was going on.

Luckily, it seemed her small prayer was answered positively, and Plague Knight responded, "I'm not sure, actually. Yesterday, when the wife came to get me for breakfast, it was a couple hours after sunrise. I know that they don't rise before the sun, as I waited by the door for my savior until natural light started to fill the room. I took several minutes to lock the room back up and making it appear as though I never returned downstairs after getting sent to my room, so I'm not sure." He let out a low snicker as he was reminded of his stunt that got him thrown in his room earlier than expected.

The Magicist picked up on the laughter and became confused. "You got sent to your room? Why is that funny?"

"I launched mashed potatoes at Thomas during dinner."

The Magicist chuckled. "Yeah, that is pretty funny."

There was a momentary silence before, "So you don't know when they'll come, if at all?" It was Mona who spoke, her brain finally starting to work properly after the mention of Thomas, one of the two brothers who kicked the crap out of her and left her helpless for nearly a week, as she recalled.

"Oh, they'll come," Plague Knight was quick to assure her. "It's just a matter of when. I'm almost positive that they're already aware and are dashing towards us as we speak."

Mona frowned. "And we don't just deviate from our course because…?"

Plague Knight looked at her in confusion. "What would that do?"

"Won't they be coming down the exact path we're taking? If we take a 90 degree turn to the side and go to either side for several minutes, they'll still be following this path and we'll be somewhere else entirely."

Plague Knight opened his mouth to reply, but found that he couldn't get words out. Finally, he let out an irritated moan and swiftly turned to the right. The two women looked to each other. Mona shrugged and followed while the Magicist groaned, wondering why she didn't think of that plan.

Five minutes into the trek to the right, Plague Knight stopped. "Let's take a break now that we're no longer in danger. My feet seriously hurt."

The females nodded in response to this and gratefully sat down. Mona, whose back was killing her by this point, swiftly took the chance to lie down on her side.

She watched, somewhat disinterested, as Plague Knight absentmindedly rubbed at his feet as he leaned against a tree. She had to suppress the urge to jump when he acknowledged her. "How are you feeling?"

"Not bad. Though I'm really yearning for a proper bed right about now."

Plague Knight released a small, depressed sigh. "I'm afraid of how long it'll take for you to get that, though. This is such a mess."

"It isn't exactly ideal, is it?"

Plague Knight shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "This is my fault, isn't it? I shouldn't have told them of my fake identify when they were trying to find me."

"They would have found you anyway!" Mona protested. "Everyone in the village was raving about you every time I had to go to the surface. Don't try to pin the blame on yourself. If anything because it's cliché as all hell."

"Yeah… but-"

"OK, fine. You're responsible for everything!" Mona snapped with a clearly annoyed tone of voice. "You are the reason I have a hole in my shoulder, not the man that actually did the deed. You are the reason you were taken away. You are the reason your captors refused to listen to your explanations."

Plague Knight chose to not respond to that. Mona merely looked at him and watched. Eventually, he sighed and muttered, "Right… right."

Mona groaned as she realized that she likely hurt his feelings. "I'm sorry. I'm just… tired. You know how irritable I can get."

Plague Knight nodded, though his mood didn't seem to improve much.

'Just when I need that child side of his to kick in so he'll forgive me easily, it's not there. Of course,' Mona groaned to herself.

The Magicist could tell that the situation was likely not going to improve, so she said, "We should head out now."

The alchemists looked to her and nodded, pulling themselves to their feet.

* * *

By the time the three managed to spot the village, it was nightfall. The twins and their master were nowhere to be seen. It was likely that they had arrived, but were unable to find 'Adam,' and thus left to search elsewhere. The group could only pray that this was the case.

Despite the fact that his feet were killing him and he just wanted to get back to the Potionarium before the crazy family appeared again, Plague Knight ran forward and let out a small whoop of joy, spinning around and looking to his female companions.

"I have never been so happy to see this place," he informed them.

"I can tell," the Magicist replied with an amused smile.

Quickly, a small crowd gathered, all very gleeful that the boy they had inexplicably become so fond of was back without a scratch.

The Magicist spotted something and nudged Mona, pointing somewhat vaguely in an attempt to not be noticed by the crowd at some adventurers. Their status was obvious because they had bright armor; the shorter of the two, loosely holding a shovel, was wearing protective gear the color of the sky and the other, a tall woman wielding dual shields, a bright crimson. Both watched the crowd at a fair distance, seemingly interested in what was going on, but not enough that they felt it was worth it to approach and talk to the villagers.

 **"** Those are the guys we were going to kidnap?" Mona questioned, to which the Magicist nodded.

"It's probably not wise to try and do it now, though. Too much attention, plus you wouldn't be able to back Plaguey up. Not that he's like be able to lure them to the forest, though."

"That's my nickname; back off," Mona snarled.

Interestingly, the Magicist merely laughed at this. "You're not threatening right now, I hope you know that."

Mona glared. "You wanna bet?"

It was at this point that Plague Knight managed to pull himself away from the crowd. He saw the situation, and, despite not knowing what they were arguing about, decided it was best that he broke it up.

"Mona…" he said, gaining her attention. "Don't do anything reckless, now. You're still hurt."

Despite clearly being annoyed, Mona huffed and gave up. Plague Knight smiled and made his way to her side, waiting for her to begin moving.

"What were you arguing about?" He asked as she started shuffling forward. In the background, the crowd congregated on the Magicist, bombarding her with questions about how she found Plague Knight and why in the world she let Mona out. (What was she, a dog?)

"Ah…" Mona had to stop and think, wondering if it was worth it to inform him they were fighting over the use of a nickname. The Magicist took a step back out of shock.

"It can't possibly be that bad," Plague Knight said in an attempt to encourage her to speak. The Magicist stumbled over her words.

"And you'd know that because…?" She let out a small groan. "Fine. I was annoyed because…" She turned her gaze away, embarrassed. "…because she used my nickname for you." The Magicist attempted to answer another question thrown her way, but was cut off by someone else.

Plague Knight blinked. "That's why? You want to be the only one who calls me 'Plaguey'?" He snickered. The Magicist began to feel like she was going to suffocate.

"And you're laughing at me. Thanks." The Magicist attempted to get away from the large group.

Plague Knight stifled his laughter. "No! I actually find it sweet. Ridiculous, yes, but sweet nevertheless." The Magicist ended up roughly shoving some poor sap. Everyone stared.

Mona smiled to him in gratitude. "I suppose that makes me feel a little less stupid." The Magicist looked at the crowd, silently pleading for them to leave her alone. They did not move a muscle.

"You, stupid? Perish the thought!" The Magicist finally pulled herself away from the crowd.

"Guys!" The Magicist whined as she caught up to them. "Why didn't you save me?"

Plague Knight turned his gaze to her in confusion. "You needed saving?"

"Yes! That throng converged on me, and I couldn't breathe, and… and…!"

Plague Knight watched in silence for no more than a couple seconds, trying to keep a straight face before he couldn't take it and burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?!"

"Haha… Y-you are!" He gasped. "A crowd was asking you questions, not trying to stab you! Ahahaha!" Amusingly, Plague Knight then fell over, holding his stomach as he struggled to breath.

The two females looked to each other.

"It wasn't that funny, was it?" The Magicist asked with an annoyed huff.

"Not to me," Mona responded with a shrug, before chuckling at Plague Knight's behavior. "Calm down, Plaguey, you're going to draw the crowd back to you if you keep that up."

Plague Knight immediately stifled his laughter. "True…" he muttered. "Time to get back, then, I suppose. We need to check on your injuries, Mona."

"He just did a complete 180," the Magicist noted. "From laughing at something that isn't even funny to completely serious…"

"I think he may have snapped…" Mona muttered.

"He wasn't even trapped for a week!"

"Hey, are you guys coming?" Plague Knight yelled, already 30 feet away.

The two were still for a moment before they started walking silently.

"Maybe..." Mona murmured in thought after several feet. "Think he's trying to fight the child in him?"

"No, I think it's just good ol' crazy Plague Knight being crazy."

"No matter how strange he may act at times, he's never that weird."

"Let's try and look into it if it ever happens again. Otherwise, we'll ignore it, okay?"

"Fine."

* * *

 **And Plague Knight's nickname makes its first offical appearance in this story. Yay!**

 **Also, for some reason, I feel like Mona's the type to be extremely grouchy if she's woken prematurely, or been working _way_ too late, and so everyone (except possibly Plaguey since she'd probably be nice to her partner regardless of her mental state) has learned to fear her at the beginning and end of every day. Plaguey would probably be aware of how mean she can potentially get, but doesn't really worry about it or attempt to alter the behavior regardless of his minions' complaints because that anger is seldom directed at him.**


	21. Aftermath Of Return

**Sorry this took so long. It was completely out of laziness. Also, _someone_ didn't try to get my ass moving. Thanks...**

 **Want to know what got me up and going? Fucking Windows 10 update 1607, the Anniversary Update. I had to restart my computer because it disconnected me from the internet, and it wanted to install that. So I figured, 'that shouldn't take _too_ long.'  
** **It froze on me, and I had to force shut down my laptop at 9 at night. I started the update at 7 in the morning, to give you some perspective on how long I waited. Nearly gave me heart failure watching it boot up again because I had 5 & 1/2 chapters of this written with no back up planned for when shit went wrong, something I didn't want to tell my mom when she asked what was so important on this thing. So, yeah, even if I manage to catch up to myself, I'm probably updating more frequently for the next couple weeks.**

* * *

Short 20

"Plaguey-" The Magicist started, but was cut off by an annoyed growl from Mona. With an amused chuckle, she corrected herself. "Plague Knight, would you be so kind as to get me a washcloth and a bowl of water?"

Plague Knight blinked once before nodding and leaving without a word.

"For some reason, I can't help but feel you're going to do something stupid," Mona muttered as she watched the Magicist begin to pick at the blood-soaked bandages wrapped around her shoulder. "Like hurt me."

"I have a method to my madness, you know," the Magicist informed her. "So, no. No matter what your gut tells you, I'm not going to do something stupid. Or hurt you."

"It may be smart in your eyes, but it likely won't be in mine." She flinched when the dried blood attempted to stick to her skin, so the Magicist stopped picking at it. "You're already hurting me."

"But it'll still be smart to me, therefore everything else is insignificant. And pipe down."

"Wow, can you say 'egotistical'?"

"Hmm… Nope!"

The door opened up and Plague Knight walked back in. Wordlessly, he offered the bowl and cloth to the Magicist.

"Wow, why are you so quiet?" Mona questioned as the Magicist began dabbing at the blood to get it to stop sticking.

"Not much to say," Plague Knight responded. Then, he raised a hand and gently rubbed his temple. "And I have slight headache."

"Aww, poor Plaguey. Surely you have something to say to distract me, though. Believe it or not, this is not exactly comfy."

"Uh…" was all that Plague Knight could come up with.

"Geez, a chatterbox when I'm trying to concentrate, but when I want to hear your voice, all you can come up with is 'uh'?" She teased.

"I've said everything I could possibly think of while we were walking back to home. I don't want to feel like I'm repeating myself. What do you want me to say?"

"Hm… How about what you plan to do about those bastards that kidnapped you when you get your hands on them?"

Absentmindedly, Plague Knight's eyes looked up and to the left as he thought. "I don't know," he admitted. "But I'll make damn sure it's painful. And if they survive, then they'll wish they were dead."

Mona briefly smiled at him as he started thinking up the most evil ways to torture a person that was possible. Then the Magicist accidently brushed a particularly sensitive spot, at which point she squeaked.

Yes, _squeaked_.

Plague Knight's train of thought derailed immediately, managing to find new tracks that led him to think about just how adorable that sounded.

"Watch it," Mona snarled. "What did I tell you, I just knew you were going to hurt me!"

"Fine, you're so smart, you rig up the lights," the Magicist replied, holding out the cloth.

Mona, a thoroughly confused look on her face, asked, "What?"

Rolling her eyes, the Magicist rephrased the sentence. "If you're so good at this, then you can clean it."

Mona snatched the cloth away from the other woman's hand. "I think I will."

The Magicist nodded and fell silent, watching as Mona tended to her wound. That is, until she noticed Plague Knight, who practically had hearts in his eyes, still inwardly melting at Mona's squeak. "Uh, Plague Knight?" She asked, waving her hand in front of the boy's face.

Plague Knight jumped. "W-what? Did I miss something?"

"No, you just looked funny. What were you thinking about?"

"Ah…" Plague Knight glanced away, absentmindedly playing with his fingers.

"We won't judge," Mona promised. "Unless, of course, it's the stupidest thing you've ever said, but something tells me you won't ever be able to beat 'Shnazlehocker'."

"I thought I asked you to drop that," Plague Knight groaned.

"You did. It was a request, not an order, though. I have no incentive to keep quiet about it."

"'Shnazlehocker'?" The Magicist asked.

Mona laughed and opened her mouth, but was cut off before she could say a word by Plague Knight. "Don't you dare tell that story! What do I have to do to keep you quiet?"

"Find something even stupider to say."

"Hell no, you just said that Shnazlehocker can't be beat."

"Then I'll tell the Magicist."

"Oh, shit! No, fuck, um…!"

The Magicist leaned over to Mona and whispered, "What are you hoping to accomplish with this?"

Mona shrugged. "Nothing in particular. It's just fun to see him flustered like this. Have you ever tried to rile him up? It's strangely difficult."

"You aren't actually going to tell me that story, are you?"

"No, that'd just make me feel bad."

Meanwhile, Plague Knight started to blurt out random facts, hoping she would eventually accept one of them as the stupidest, even though they weren't even listening. "My secret nickname for Xenon is Fluffykins! I don't even know why; her fur is too short for her to be considered fluffy enough to warrant such a nickname!"

"Are you listening to him at all?" The Magicist asked.

"Truthfully? Not really," Mona replied with a sheepish grin on her face.

"Might want to think about it; he's yelling some really weird shit that you could use as more blackmail material if you ever need it."

"Maybe you outta shut up then."

By this point, Plague Knight was merely spouting out gibberish. "Uh… Rainy death… Pralaya, Tentarafoo! Megidolaon!"

Mona snorted and started laughing hysterically upon hearing this, falling back on her bed and laughing until she had tears in her eyes and could no longer breathe.

Plague Knight stopped his inane rambling to look at her in concern. "Mona?" He questioned. He was unsure of whether or not he felt he should be offended by this.

The Magicist looked to Plague Knight and shook her head in a clearly amused manner. "She's probably fine."

"Are you sure? It wasn't _that_ funny."

"To her, it was."

Plague Knight raised an eyebrow and listened to Mona, who had started to cough. "She sounds like she's about to hack up a lung."

"That's normal."

"It is?"

"…When was the last time you laughed harder than a mild chuckle?"

"…Never?"

The Magicist found this fact to be somewhat disturbing, and immediately began to plan on how to get him to laugh. It was blatantly obvious on her face, too, as Plague Knight then asked with narrowed eyes, "What are you planning?"

"Nothing," she replied immediately with an innocent tone of voice.

"Right, sure. I totally believe that," Plague Knight replied sarcastically.

Mona, finally over her laughing fit, sat up and asked, "What's she doing?"

Plague Knight stared at the Magicist as she planned. "Planning something… but I don't know what."

Mona tapped the Magicist on the shoulder, successfully gaining her attention. "What're you doing?"

The Magicist leaned closer to the younger female and whispered, "Trying to figure out how to get Plague Knight to laugh as hard as you just did. Apparently he's never done that…"

Mona had a thoughtful look on her face as she replied. "That's… not true. At all. He fell over just a couple hours ago because he was just that amused by the fact that you were almost swallowed by the crowd."

"Uh, guys? Hello?" Plague Knight asked.

The Magicist looked back to Plague Knight, and remembered what they had been doing before. Silently mouthing 'Whoops,' she picked up the forgotten cloth and proceeded to try to clean Mona's wound again. This only earned her a light slap, accompanied by a small yelp and a "That's cold!"

"Maybe you shouldn't get distracted, then," the Magicist advised as Mona, who was now grumbling to herself, snatched the cloth back.

The room fell quite for several moments, and Plague Knight, in an attempt to give himself something to do, started snooping about the room, finding absolutely nothing of interest in the process, until he heard "Done."

The Magicist inspected the cleaned wound and nodded. "Apparently you are smart enough to rig up the lights. Good for you."

"I'm surprised you aren't insulted by that," Mona said.

The Magicist shrugged. "I'm not a healer, and I admit it. Now turn around, I need to do the back."

"I don't think I trust you…"

The Magicist whistled to Plague Knight, who wandered his way back to the bed. "Do you need me?" He questioned.

"Not particularly, but you wanted to see it, right?" Plague Knight nodded slowly. "Alright, I'm warning you now, it's pretty nasty."

The Magicist lifted Mona's shirt enough to reveal the bandages covering the carving, which were then removed.

Plague Knight flinched. "Yeah, you weren't kidding," he muttered, wanting to look away, but finding that simple task difficult.

The injuries were hardly as bad as he seemed to be making them out to be, really. It wasn't like they had infected for several days now. However, he cared about Mona, and it hurt to look at what had happened to her. That, and it kind of grossed him out.

"Is it really that bad?" Mona asked as she cringed when the Magicist placed the cloth on tender skin.

"Not exactly," the Magicist replied. "He's overreacting."

"Hey, let me overreact for once! Do you realize how saddening it is to see this?"

"You overreact to a lot of stuff, though," Mona pointed out.

"I do?"

"Yes. I still remember once you came running up to me like the world was ending, screeching, 'We're out of salt!'"

"Hey, I needed that for an important experiment!" Plague Knight countered while turning around to keep the girls from seeing his face turn red out of embarrassment.

"Okay, I suppose that could be a fair argument, despite the fact that it's not like it was going grow legs and walk off if you didn't complete it within a couple minutes. Normally, I wouldn't even be calling it overdramatic. However, you made me go on a special trip to get you salt on _shopping day_ , a mere hour before I planned to go _._ "

"S-shut up."

Whispering, the Magicist questioned, "Didn't you say he was difficult to fluster?"

"I may have been wrong," Mona responded, her voice also a low whisper. Raising her voice to address Plague Knight, who looked like he wanted to curl up in a corner and die, she said, "Plaguey, lighten up, will ya?"

"And how do you suggest I do that?! You keep bringing up all the times I've fucked up."

"I'm not going to bring up all the times you've screwed up; just the ones that we can laugh at."

Seeing her partner sulk didn't sit well with Mona, so she climbed off the bed and grabbed him from behind. Plague Knight yelped and briefly struggled against her grip, but gave up within seconds when it became apparent that he was not strong enough to do so, even when she was significantly weaker than usual.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because you look like you need a hug," Mona answered as she sat back down on the bed, lightly squeezing him like one would a stuffed animal. The Magicist acted like there was nothing going on in the background and just continued to clean the injury in front of her.

"Are you sure you aren't the one who needs a hug?" Plague Knight questioned.

"Uh… no?"

Plague Knight merely laughed in response to this and made himself comfortable in her arms. He managed to make himself so comfy, in fact, that he fell asleep.

"I don't want to move him," Mona said when the Magicist was finally done.

"Then don't."

Yawning, Mona muttered, "But I'm tired, and I'm not about to sleep sitting up."

"Then you're going to have to move him."

"But I don't want to. He looks so innocent. Plus, I'm pretty sure I'll wake him if I try."

"What makes you say that?"

"He's a very light sleeper."

"Then shouldn't he have woken by now?"

"We've been talking this whole time. I guess he's just used to it."

Seemingly unconcerned with Mona's situation, the Magicist stood, and said, "Well, good luck with your little dilemma. I'm tired."

"Wha- Magicist! Don't leave me!"

"Why? It's the middle of the night and I'm tired." Without another word, the Magicist turned on her heel and left.

Mona looked down to the child in her arms. He looked so perfect. She decided that she couldn't move him far without risk.

Letting out a small sigh, she carefully leaned back until she was lying down, ignoring the pain until she managed to roll onto her side and let him go. Plague Knight grumbled somewhat and shifted about until he was content again.

Smiling, Mona allowed herself to fall asleep.

* * *

 **I figured it was worth it to give them a moment of peace after all the shit I've put them through.**

 **Anyway, I have a decent idea for where I'm going with this now, and by the end of that arc, I'll probably have this wrapped up, no matter how crappily the ending (of which I can never write to save my life). So... yeah. There're still a couple chapters before that point hits, though.**


	22. Lazing About

**Well, this is what you get when I stop and ask myself '...The fuck am I going to do now?' And yet, it's my second longest chapter yet, the first being the first chapter involving the burly white dudes. I smell consistency, because apparently a big ball o' nonsense chapter that has the ability to move the plot forward even the tiniest bit is apparently better than a small ball of nonsense that actually has some direction. Funny how that works.**

 **Anyway, this chapter is incredibly fluffy and establishes pretty much jack shit (other than the fact that no one seems to know the Magicist's name, but that's beside the point), but like I said above, this was just me trying to figure out what to do, and once I got that down, decided to not change this because it's nice and cute.**

* * *

Short 21

(Day 15)

Plague Knight awoke the next morning to find that his headache was getting worse. 'Alright, my day isn't off to a great start,' he thought. He tried to sit up but quickly realized he was too exhausted to do so.

"What the hell?" He groaned tiredly, realizing he had a sore throat when it started to burn.

Something shifted by his side and he looked to it, grateful for the distraction. It was Mona, who didn't look any less tired than she had the day before.

It was then that Plague Knight realized that he was not in his room, but rather Mona's. It took him more than a couple minutes to figure out why this was, but eventually he rationalized it as he fell asleep in her arms, and then she was too worn-out to drag him back to his room. Finding that to be fair enough, he decided that he was too tired to move and should just return to sleep.

He found that doing this was strangely difficult, though. Maybe it was because he was hungry, or because the headache was keeping him up, or maybe it was because his throat was burning, but he just could not get back to sleep. He tossed and turned and found that nothing made it any better. Eventually, he determined that it must be because he was too hot, so he shoved off the blanket, only to realize that wasn't the issue, and it just made him unbearably cold.

"Why?" He moaned softly as he dragged the blanket back over his form.

Mona muttered something, and Plague Knight realized he had woken her.

"Sorry," he whispered.

Mona's eyes opened a crack and she gazed at him with something akin to tired annoyance mixed with worried compassion. "What's wrong?" She asked; her head still clouded with sleep to the point whereas her words were almost impossible to understand, and it was a miracle Plague Knight understood the question at all.

"Nothing; go back to sleep," Plague Knight told her, rolling away from her.

"I'm already up, just tell me what's wrong," Mona insisted, shifting a little in an attempt to wake herself some.

"My headache's gotten worse, and I have a sore throat, and I can't get back to sleep, and I'm hungry!" He whined.

"You're probably just sick," Mona murmured, her eyes closing briefly as though she was about to fall asleep again before they popped open when she came to an important realization. "Wait, what? No, disregard that, that's not possible."

"It is," Plague Knight corrected. "The Magicist said that my immune system's weaker because I'm a kid now."

"But even at half strength, you should be fully able to obliterate a cold before it could get to you."

Plague Knight chuckled nervously. "I kinda haven't been eating or sleeping a lot, though."

Sighing, Mona said, "Yeah, that'll do it. Nice job." She yawned. "Listen, just rest for now. If you do that and get some food in you, it'll probably be gone by tomorrow at worse. The Magicist should be here in an hour or so, so just hang on until then for food, alright?"

Plague Knight nodded and tried to lie still, though he still found this to be difficult. Maybe it was because of his constant shifting, or because she wanted to comfort him, but regardless of the reason, Mona eventually scooted closer to him and embraced him. Plague Knight's fidgeting halted completely as all his thoughts were on the fact that she was trying to soothe him (or possibly trying to hold him still).

"Sorry," he said.

Mona muttered something that sounded vaguely like 'For what?' Plague Knight was unsure of if this was actually what she said.

"I'm keeping you up, and I really shouldn't be," he replied, assuming that she had indeed asked why he was sorry.

"I don't mind too much," she informed him. "If I was worried you'd wake me, I would have tossed you on the floor a long time ago."

"Still, sorry. I'll shut up now."

Mona nodded, and Plague Knight didn't let himself move a muscle even after he was sure that she was sound asleep.

After several minutes, he realized that he was exhausted, and suddenly he was sleeping.

* * *

"Aw, look at you!" The Magicist said happily, having absolutely no regard for the fact that the two sleeping alchemists in front of her didn't enjoy being woken.

Groaning, Mona opened her eyes and turned her head to gaze at the one who dared to wake her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean it's sweet how you let him sleep with you! I also find it incredibly amusing how you're already doing that, and yet you haven't confessed to him."

Mona's jaw dropped open and she tensed. Though she didn't want to be, she was wide awake now. "Y-you knew?"

"It's very obvious. In fact, I'm shocked that he hasn't noticed. Or anyone else for that matter. Maybe he has, but just doesn't acknowledge it."

"Please don't say that."

"If you insist. Anyway, are you hungry?"

Mona sat up immediately, causing her to wince a second later. "Yes."

Chuckling, the Magicist held out a sandwich. Mona snatched it out of her hands and dug into it.

"You're really hungry, huh?" The Magicist asked with a raised eyebrow. Mona nodded in response to this. "So, when are you going to tell him?"

Mona once again tensed. She took her time chewing her food as she mulled over what to say. Finally, she swallowed and admitted, "I don't know. I mean, I'm never afraid of anything, but I am _terrified_ of telling him."

The Magicist snickered. "And why is that? He's reasonable, I'm sure that in the event that he doesn't see you like that, he'd at least make an effort to not let things get incredibly awkward between you two."

"I suppose…"

"So… when're you going to tell him?"

"When he's not a kid, that's for sure."

"Oh yeah, that might make things weird, huh? By the way, do you think he's hungry?"

Mona looked to Plague Knight, who was surprisingly not waking to the girls' chattering. "Yeah, he mentioned that he was, but I don't think it'd be good to wake him."

"Why?"

"Interestingly, he's sick. He woke up at one point and squirmed about enough to get me up."

"Oh? You want me to put him back in his room? Xenon was yowling because neither of you have been present in forever, and I've just shoved her in his room for the time being."

"No, it's fine. He was pretty apologetic about waking me, but he seemed comforted by me being there. And why don't you bring the cat in here?"

"That's a good question. Oh, and don't complain to me if he continually wakes you, alright? Are you going to wake him or not?"

Mona nodded and gently nudged Plague Knight. "You hungry?" She softly questioned.

Plague Knight grumbled but nevertheless opened his eyes. "Food?" He croaked.

Mona nodded and responded almost as though she were actually speaking to a child, "Yes, food."

Groaning, Plague Knight sat up. He limply held out his hand, awaiting the promised provisions to be handed to him. The Magicist placed a second sandwich on his palm, and his fingers slowly curled around it.

"Hey, Plaguaty-"

Mona interjected before the Magicist could continue her sentence. "Hang on… What?"

"You said I can't call him 'Plaguey,' so I'm trying to come up with something new. Plague Knight sounds so formal, you know?"

"Yeah, I know, that's why I came up with the nickname to begin with. I think you should keep working; 'Plaguaty' just sounds awkward and weird."

"Agreed," Plague Knight said.

Mona turned her gaze back to him. "Wow, rather surprised you bothered to listen to that."

"It sounded like you were saying my name. Of course I'd pay attention. And if you insist on not calling me by my full title, then just shorten it to 'Plague.' It's much simpler than coming up with something more convoluted. While we're on the subject of names, were you ever planning on telling us your real name, or are you forever going to be known as 'the Magicist'?"

"Maybe one day, but not now!"

"Why?"

"Because I don't feel like it."

Plague Knight sighed and shook his head. "Lovely reason. Anyway, what's up?"

"So, Mona and I were just talking and I have to ask…" Mona's eyes widened and she shot the Magicist a look that yelled, 'I don't know what you're about to do, but whatever it is, I will kill you for it!' "If you had to, who would you date?" Mona tried to hide that she felt an intense urge to murder the older woman.

Plague Knight froze up, the remains of his sandwich almost slipping out of his grasp, caught completely off guard. "I have to choose?" The Magicist nodded eagerly while Mona provided him an exasperated look that told him that he didn't have to partake in his coworker's game if he didn't want to. His eye twitched and he muttered under his breath, "Women."

"I heard that," the Magicist informed him, pretending to be wounded. She poked him a couple times, reaching across Mona, who still looked rather pissed. "Come on! It can't be that difficult."

"You're putting him on the spot," Mona reminded, pushing the magician's arm away. "You've got to at least give him a minute to gather his thoughts."

"But that takes all the fun out of it!" She whined, resuming poking Plague Knight, who was slowly turning a bright red.

"Uh, no one," Plague Knight answered finally.

"That's not an option!" The Magicist replied with a sing-song voice.

"No, I'm saying that because no one would want to date me," Plague Knight countered, talking so fast that his words became difficult to make out. "Therefore, the question is rendered invalid. Goodnight."

Plague Knight then proceeded to practically jump on his side, hiding his face beneath the covers. If one listened closely, they would hear the sounds of him nibbling on his sandwich.

"Now look at what you've done," Mona said with an annoyed look on her face. She gently shook the lump that was her partner. "Plaguey, that's not true."

"Oh?" Was the depressed response.

"Yeah, I mean, you have to at least take into account that you're a walking paradox."

"I am?"

"Yep. A paradox is, by definition, a statement that contains two or more contradictory and equally true statements."

"I'm aware," Plague Knight informed her.

"Good. Anyway, a decent example one might use for this is a funny, smart, caring adult male. See where I'm going with this?"

"You know, I don't think a lot of people think I'm any of those."

"You're at least male, and smart. That in itself is an oxymoron. And though you aren't currently, you're still technically an adult, and the term 'adult man' could also be considered contradictory. Mature is probably a better word to use there, but the point still stands. Face it; even if you had to travel to another land, there is someone who would be willing to date you."

Half of Plague Knight's head appeared from under the covers, his eyes gazing at her with worry. "Really?"

"Yes, dear," Mona replied.

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!" The Magicist roared.

Plague Knight screamed and jumped back, bashing the back of his head against the wall. He groaned and curled in on himself, clutching his wounded cranium. "Ow," he whimpered.

"Oops," the Magicist said with a sheepish grin.

"God, this is such a disaster," Mona sighed to herself, shaking her head in exasperation. She looked to the Magicist and demanded, "Go make yourself useful and get him some painkillers. He's seriously going to need it."

"Get me some water, too," he croaked.

The Magicist huffed, but complied nonetheless and left.

"What a pain," Mona muttered before returning her attention to Plague Knight. "You alright?"

"Maybe," he replied, uncurling himself somewhat. "We're still alive because of her, but I swear she is going to be the death of us."

Mona patted Plague Knight's shoulder. "Don't worry, dear, I won't let her touch you."

Plague Knight looked up to her with a small smile on his face. "Thanks." He was silent for a moment before he questioned, "Hey, were you serious about me being a 'funny, smart, caring adult male'?"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it," she answered honestly.

"So, I could theoretically get a date."

"Of course. No matter how stupid or asshole-ish you are, someone is bound to like you. It seems to be a rule of the universe. You know how everyone talks about 'soulmates' and whathaveyou."

Plague Knight nodded thoughtfully. "But how would you know who your soulmate is? What if you're just hanging around some jackass that you think is 'cool,' even though he hates your guts and hopes you die in the fiery pits of hell?"

Mona shrugged. "I assume you'd figure it out sooner or later. If not, then you'll just never find the one you're destined for, I guess."

"But if it's destiny, won't they find you anyway?"

Mona adopted a thoughtful look, complete with closed eyes and a stroking of the chin. "I suppose that could happen. People do say you can't fight fate."

"Do keep in mind that those people are oftentimes wrong," Plague Knight reminded her.

"That's true. But I feel I should entertain the thought regardless. We're alchemists, after all. If we get anyone that isn't another alchemist to even vague tolerate us, it's a goddamn miracle."

Plague Knight laughed briefly at the true statement before fidgeting. "Whoever said your soulmate can't be another alchemist, though?"

Mona looked at her companion, the look on her face asking, 'You talking about yourself? You're the only other alchemist I know.' Verbally, she stated, "Then I suppose I would be happy, if anything because they understand me better than a regular civilian."

Plague Knight met her eyes and couldn't hide the resulting expression fast enough. It told her that it was exactly what he had been meaning. The look he hid it with said rather shakily, 'N-no. What gave you that idea?' She could almost hear the nervous chuckle at the end of the unstated question. It really didn't help his case that he was turning red again. "But if they're your soulmate, you'd be happy either way, right?"

Mona shrugged. "That would depend on how often they get on my nerves." She saw Plague Knight grimace and theorized he was thinking about how short her temper could be around all but a select few. Naturally, she was the most patient with her partner, even on the days where he acted as competent as Percy.

Speaking of Percy…

"I have your painkillers, dear Adam!" Said horse shouted as he burst through the door, scaring Plague Knight enough to cause him to jump back and once again ram his head into the wall.

"Dammit, Percy, you're not helping!" The Magicist yelled as she dashed forward, rather rudely attempting to push him out of the room. He was far bigger then her, though, and she merely got him to stumble backwards a single step. She kept trying, even though Percy merely stared at her in confusion.

While that was going on in the background, Plague Knight was left to groan unhappily to himself, feeling quite murderous. His rage towards the horse was only outmatched by what he felt for his kidnappers. Mona whispered softly to him that now is not the time to harm the creature; they still had a need for him, after all. This succeeded in stopping his outward signs of rage, though it let the pain he was once again in stand front and center.

The Magicist finally succeeded in getting Percy to back out of the room, stealing back the medicine and water before slamming the door shut with her foot. "Sorry, Plague," she apologized. "He started talking and I let it slip that I was getting you some painkillers. He stole them from me and dashed off. How he didn't spill the water is beyond me, but I suppose we should be grateful."

Mona took the glass and pills from the other woman, first handing the medicine over to Plague Knight, then the water once they was in his mouth.

After he downed the pills, he proceeded to curl up on his side, an action that Mona copied soon after. It was rather obvious that he was hoping the Magicist would not try to bring up the question that he had left unanswered. It was so obvious, in fact, that she was reminded of it and very nearly did. That is, until she opened her mouth and Mona turned her head to glare at her threateningly.

The Magicist got the message and turned to leave, stopping only when she heard a pitiful meow. Everyone within the room paused, and one could practically see the ellipses over their heads as they processed this. Finally, the Magicist turned around and looked down while Mona rolled over and looked over the edge of the bed with Plague Knight gazing over her shoulder.

"When did you get in here?" Mona asked while Xenon stared up at her as though asking, 'Well, are you going to let me up?'

"Xenon!" Plague Knight yelled happily, clamoring over Mona and falling off the bed. Xenon jumped, startled, but didn't get a chance to run as Plague Knight was suddenly holding her in a nearly bone-crushing hug.

The Magicist chuckled and said, "Easy now, you're going to hurt her."

"But I missed her!" Plague Knight whined.

"Doesn't mean you have to snap her spine."

Plague Knight frowned and loosened his grip. Xenon immediately jumped out of his arms and shook, trying to right the fur her caretaker had displaced. Once she was happy, she crawled back into his lap, purring loudly.

"Pick her up, would you?" Mona requested.

Though confused, Plague Knight did so. Xenon meowed in a displeased manner, but didn't cease her purring regardless.

Mona signaled to the Magicist, who then picked up Plague Knight and dumped him back on the bed. He hardly minded, though, as he was still nuzzling his kitten, who licked him in return.

Both females watched him with smiles on their faces.

"That's so sweet," the Magicist commented. Lowering her voice a touch, she asked, "You really wish you could get that level of affection from him, don't you?"

Mona looked to her with a frown, silently saying 'Quiet, he's going to hear you.' Regardless of this, she nodded slightly.

"I'm sure you'll get it eventually. Actually, I'm honestly surprised you don't get it now."

Mona nodded again and realized Plague Knight was glancing at them every so often. She got the worst feeling that he might be listening to them, so she asked the Magicist, "Weren't you going to leave us to our rest?"

The Magicist smiled sheepishly. "Oops," she responded before turning and exiting the room.

"Man, she's a nuisance," Mona remarked. She looked back to Plague Knight to find that he had put down Xenon and curled up on his side, seemingly already asleep. She figured that he knew that she knew he had been trying to listen to their conversation, and was trying to avoid the issue through rest. He didn't say a word about it, so she decided to not do so either. Instead, she allowed herself to slip back into unconsciousness.

* * *

 **I'm sorry to all those males out there, I hope you weren't offended by me basically calling y'all a pack of idiots. Just remember, women are pretty much just as bad, at least where I live, intelligence seems to be about 50/50, except in driving. Men seem to stop in inconvenient places, but the women do the more stupid shit while on the road. And also, go look up an oxymoron list. No joke, 'adult man' is on one of them. I'm not fucking with you; I remember hearing that at a buffet because one of us kids asked what an oxymoron was, and my mother whipped out her phone.**

 **Also, I'm sure it's occurred to you now... What the fuck is the Magicist's name? Like, seriously, why would you not tell your co-workers about your name? Mona seriously referred to her as 'Magicist' during the first visit to town in Plague of Shadows, but that doesn't exactly make sense, why would you not tell anyone your name, dammit?**


	23. Insert Super Creative Title Here

**Whelp, my life has taken a deep dive into a hole from which it can never return, it seems. Honestly, I'm posting this to have a short break from freaking out about bullshitting an English rational. And so, even though I'm pacing around like a crazy guy who's presumably a drug addict with no drugs, that doesn't mean I shouldn't post things. Even if no one has talked to me in forever ('cept you, lkcsi, I know you at least tolerate me enough to talk to me.)**

* * *

Short 22

Both alchemists were rudely awakened by Percy bursting into the room for the second time within a couple of hours to loudly announce, "They're back!"

Mona grumbled in annoyance and opened her eyes. She found that luckily, Plague Knight had not been awakened by the call, so she gently placed a hand over his ear in an attempt to keep it that way. Turning her head, she whispered, "What do you want?"

"Did you not hear me?!" Percy shouted, causing Mona to cringe and glance back to Plague Knight, finding that he had not stirred still. Xenon, on the other hand, had, and was glaring at the horse. If looks could kill, Percy would be so dead that he would be nothing but a bloody smear on the ground.

"Quiet down," Mona growled, "lest I cut out your tongue. What has you so riled up?"

"The Magicist sent me to inform you those kidnappers are back!"

Mona's eyes widened and she sat up. "Great, just what I need," she hissed.

"What's goin' on?" Plague Knight questioned tiredly.

"Nothing dear," Mona lied. "It's nothing. Go back to sleep."

"It's not 'nothing' if you're getting up. They've arrived, huh?"

"Wow, you're smart when you're sick," Mona commented.

Plague Knight sat up. "It's mostly gone by now. The headache still stinks, but I think I could at least get up now if I wanted." As if to show it, he stood, ignoring Xenon when she meowed unhappily, as she had been lying on his foot. He made his way to the edge of the bed and was about to jump off when Mona grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. Accidentally, this made him loose his balance and he fell on his ass, very nearly smashing his head on the wall for a third time that day.

"Oh no, you're not leaving."

"I'm coming with you," he said with a determined tone, crossing his arms.

Mona shook her head and said with an equally resolute voice, "No way. Not a chance."

"Why not?" Plague Knight asked. If he had been standing, he surely would have stomped his foot. Instead, he briefly uncrossed his arms, curled his hand into a fist and smacked it on the bed.

"It's too dangerous for you," Mona replied.

"And what about you?!" Plague Knight growled, raising his voice. "They beat the stuffing out of you when I was present! Even if the whole village is there, they won't be able to beat those guys!"

"I'll be fine," Mona insisted, about to simply stand and walk away. Plague Knight stopped this by grabbing her bad shoulder, causing her to freeze up.

"Even if I have to hurt you, I will not let you leave this room," he promised, giving the wound a squeeze. Luckily, it did not start to bleed, though Mona feared that it would if he were to not let go of her.

Mona scowled and looked to Percy. "Tell the Magicist I'll be a bit," she told him through clenched teeth.

Percy nodded and left the room with a particularly infuriating slowness.

When the door was shut, Mona's gaze snapped back to Plague Knight. She grabbed his wrist. "Let go," she growled.

"No!" Plague Knight yelled defiantly.

"Plague Knight, we will never solve our little kidnapper issue if you do not let go," Mona informed him, her grip tightening on his arm.

"I don't care!" Plague Knight announced, his hold tightening in return. "I don't care about those assholes. They can run around the surface looking for me until the end of their days! If there is even the slightest possibility that you will be harmed up there, then I will not allow you to leave!"

"There is the slightest possibility that I will die for the sole reason of 'I exist'. Face it, Plague Knight, I will die. You will die. We will all die one day. And I don't want my death to be completely meaningless."

"What do you mean?" Plague Knight asked, looking at her with worry. It was only natural, considering she was talking of death.

"I'm saying that if fate wants me to die today, I want it be because I was standing up to those idiots; not because I stayed in this room like a coward until they tore the town inside out and found the Potionarium. Think! If they start searching, they'll find us. And then we'll all be killed. You might be spared because they think you're a child. But the rest of us? We won't be so lucky. All of us will be executed."

Plague Knight stared at her, shocked by her bluntness. "B-but…!" He grasped for words, but found nothing that would help him. His eyes started filling with tears as he came to the horrible (though luckily incorrect) conclusion that no matter what he did, she would die today. His grip on her shoulder loosened as his hand started to tremble uncontrollably. Within a couple seconds, it simply slipped off.

Mona found that she felt bad for making the one she cared so much for cry. She pulled him into a hug, whispering, "I'm sorry, but it's true. I can't stay and do nothing if it means that it will kill us all."

"I can't accept that," Plague Knight whined. "I don't want you to die." Suddenly, he had an idea. "Let's leave!"

"What?" Mona asked.

"We can leave. If anyone asks, it'll just be because we were moved to another location for safety reasons!" Plague Knight gazed up at her with hopeful eyes, silently begging for her to just go along with it, regardless of any flaws that may be present.

Mona sighed. "You should have suggested that earlier. Then we could have actually pulled that off. As it stands now, though, there aren't enough people in on it. No matter how stupid they may be, they would figure out that we just fled. They would catch us."

Plague Knight frowned. He wrapped his arms around her, ignoring her slight flinch when he touched a sensitive spot. "I'm coming with you," he stated firmly.

"I've already told you," Mona sighed. She took a deep breath and leaned forward, staring at him straight in the eyes, before roaring, "NO!"

Plague Knight flinched at the volume, but didn't back down. In fact, he brought himself closer to her, to the point where their foreheads collided. "If you're going to die, then I'm going to as well!"

"And you think I'll allow that behavior?" Mona snarled, pushing her head forward, forcing Plague Knight back.

Plague Knight tried and failed to push her back. "I don't care if it's allowed or not! What I do give a shit about is that my life is really fucking empty without you! I nearly go stir-crazy every time you happen to be asleep when I'm not. I think it's safe to say I would go mad if I knew you died because you were trying to protect me when I could have been there to help!"

"You'd survive."

"No, I wouldn't. I'd blow myself up if I was told that you were killed."

"Then I'll be sure to discard all explosive material before I leave." Mona stood and turned.

Plague Knight was still unable to accept the idea that she could die out there, and launched himself at her. He regretted the action when he hit her back and she let out a pained cry and tumbled to the floor.

Plague Knight gasped as he realized he likely hurt her far more than he would have ever intended. He watched her writhe in pain for a moment before breathing, "I'm sorry, Mona. I-I didn't want to… I didn't mean to hurt you."

There was a brief pause before an idea came to him. Whispering another 'I'm sorry,' he turned and started to walk to the door.

He stopped just before exiting and told her, "I couldn't bear to see you hurt. Or at least, more than you already are. I'll come back, and then we won't ever have to have such a silly discussion about the fact that we might be killed again, alright?"

Mona didn't respond, still trying to fight back tears.

* * *

Plague Knight emerged with a fiery look in his eyes that let everyone know he meant business.

The Magicist had an understandably confused look on her face upon spying him. "Uh, Pl-er… Adam. Where's Mona?" She sighed and muttered under her breath, "I think I should have realized sending Percy was the wrong thing to do."

"Mona has been… incapacitated," Plague Knight answered truthfully, a hint of regret in his voice, making the Magicist all the more curious as to what exactly happened to her.

"Percy didn't accidentally clobber her, did he?"

Plague Knight shook his head. "No, it was something else. Let's deal with this later. Where are Peter and Thomas?"

The Magicist pointed to the herb shop. "It appears they're harassing the old man."

Plague Knight's face contorted in bewilderment. "I… I can't tell if I should be surprised or not."

"Why?"

"They met him and me because he was being an annoying bastard and not letting me have the herbs Mona requested."

"Then I say that you shouldn't be too surprised."

Plague Knight nodded as he accepted this as the wise thing to do. Walking forward and ignoring the Magicist hiss that it was stupid of him to just walk up to them, he yelled, "Yo, assholes!"

There was a brief pause as everyone in the general vicinity that heard the call registered who exactly had yelled, and then wondered who taught him such language. Slowly, Peter and Thomas turned around.

"I thought you would have gotten the message after I left! Why in hell are you back?!"

Peter decided to completely ignore this and instead asked, "Where's the alchemist woman? Why would you return if she's dead?"

"Mona is very much alive, I'll have you know! And she is just having some minor difficulties at the moment, of which you should not be worried about. What you should be concerned about is that I'm going to send you to hell for what you've done."

"And how are you going to do that?" Thomas asked.

Plague Knight smirked. "Oh, you'll find out."

"Found him!" Called out a random voice.

For the second time within that minute, everyone stopped. This time, they were simply wondering who yelled.

Plague Knight turned his head in the direction of the person who interrupted. He recognized the face, albeit barely. It took a couple seconds, but he eventually realized that it was one of his minions. One of the newer ones if the fact that the face was familiar was any indication.

Standing just behind his worker was a young boy, looking like he knew that he had just walked into something that he shouldn't have. His clothes were a dirty mess and it looked like the poor kid hadn't had a bath in weeks. His face looked oddly familiar for some reason…

"Who's this?" Plague Knight asked, gesturing to the child.

The minion smiled and said, "It's Adam!"

"The one they were actually looking for?" Plague Knight asked, an incredulous look on his face. He stole a glance at his enemies and found they had similar expressions on their faces.

"You mean we've been chasing the wrong guy all this time?" Thomas asked.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you," Plague Knight informed them with an annoyed sigh.

"…" was the response he got.

Shrugging, Plague Knight turned around, yelling to the men as they stepped towards the real Adam, "I won't kill you for the kid's sake, but you'd better believe that if you come near me or Mona again, I won't hesitate to sever your heads from your bodies." As he started moving, he thought, 'That was shockingly anticlimactic.' About halfway back to the Magicist, Plague Knight noticed something and froze, fearful. Mona had made her way up, and was now staring at him, clearly ticked off despite her attempts to hide it.

"Whatever happened to your promise of never coming up here without me?" She asked, walking forward after realizing that he wasn't going to move anymore.

Plague Knight had been expecting to be chewed out or harmed in some way as punishment for ramming her. As a result, he was caught completely off guard and had to take a good long time to realize what she had actually asked. Mona raised an eyebrow at his hesitation and felt obligated to give him a bop on the head to fill his expectations.

"Ow. Uh, I, um…" was his lackluster answer. Ultimately, he decided to change the subject to something that he could actually understand. "One of the minions brought in the real Adam they were looking for. Strange, huh? I honestly thought I would have to kill them. I'm almost disappointed at the lack of action."

Mona sighed and decided to let her anger go, seeing as they were all fine. She glanced at the minion, who was chatting with the real Adam. "How do you know that's one of your workers?"

Plague Knight shrugged. "He's new enough that I recognize his face. Besides, who else would go looking for the real one?"

Mona seemed to accept this, although she did look slightly skeptical at the idea that Plague Knight had managed to remember one of his worker's faces (not that he blamed her, of course). She turned her gaze back to Peter and Thomas as though she expected them to attack her.

"They're not going to hurt you now," Plague Knight said in an attempt to get the uneasy look off her face.

"You don't know that," Mona replied. "Let's… Let's just go back inside, alright?"

Plague Knight nodded. "Fine by me." As they started walking, he said, "Sorry about tackling you earlier."

"Yeah, I got that. You apologized twice before leaving. A third time is hardly necessary."

"Wait, what?" The Magicist questioned.

Plague Knight and Mona then proceeded to perform a rendition of what happened once Percy was gone, although with far less shouting. Every once in a while, the Magicist would gaze at them with a look that asked, 'And you didn't kiss? Not once? Not even when you were literally butting heads? The fuck is wrong with you two?'

Plague Knight was oblivious to the looks initially, but once he saw Mona with a light blush on her face, alongside a slightly bashful expression, he looked for what caused such an effect on the person he knew would never dare show any such emotion in public. Eventually, he found the reason why, and though it took him a moment to decipher what she was silently questioning, soon enough he too had a similar such reaction.

The Magicist, grinning, shook her head.

Plague Knight wanted to tell her to shut up, but he was truly afraid of what she would reply with. No doubt it would be a comment on how she never said anything, and then a question or two on why he would say that. The one thing he knew for sure was that it would only end in him being embarrassed. How did he know? Honestly, he had no clue, but he could feel it.

As a result, he let a low, annoyed groan slip out, but otherwise did not make a sound.

The Magicist's grin turned into a smirk.

* * *

 **And thus, those people will probably never appear again. And if they do, it will almost definitely be an inside joke within a completely unrelated story that will likely not even be under the Shovel Knight category.**

 **Geez, Magicist, at least wait until you're inside to embarrass the shit out of them. Though there's pretty much no doubt that she would run around the village at least twice shouting at the top of her lungs that Mona managed to secure herself a boyfriend if they had kissed and she found out.**

 **So, yeah. Next chapter... more of nothing in particular as I ran about like a chicken with my head cut off trying to figure out how to not just drop the story into my 'I will never finish this' list.**


	24. Nonsensical Fun

**And the beginning of the incredibly short lived 'fuck if I know what I'm doing here' saga.**

* * *

Short 23

(Day 17)

"You know what we should do today?" Plague Knight asked as he lazily stretched. The last couple days he had spent keeping Mona company since she was confined to her room. This started out fun, but quickly became annoying when he started to get bored. Still, he was unwilling to abandon her, especially considering that the Magicist had shoved the job of catering to her every whim on him. At least he got over that cold quickly enough.

"What?" Mona questioned, looking away from her book.

"We should kill something. Or someone."

"And what brought on this urge?" She closed her book, sensing that the conversation was bound to get long and there was no reason to hold it open for the next 10 minutes.

"I didn't get to kill or even horribly maim the twins. I need something to fill the void."

"We could always have the Magicist gather up some more chickens."

Plague Knight shuddered. "And what makes you think I'd be willing to do along with that? I think I was scarred from the last incident involving poultry."

"As am I. But what else could you kill?"

"A slime."

"But… those are pretty far from the village. I don't know about that."

"Why are you so worried?" Plague Knight cocked his head to the side in confusion. He was used to getting treated as a child by now, but for some reason it concerned him that she was hesitant to allow him out of the village. "I just want to find a slime and smack it around until it begs for mercy. Not that it could, of course."

"I know, but with the way your luck has been for the past 2 and a half weeks, I'm starting to get the sense that it would be best if we simply locked you in a nice, comfy cell somewhere secluded so you won't get hurt, killed, or kidnapped again. Or worse."

"You're overreacting; I'm not going to get hurt, or killed, and that family doesn't have any interest in my anymore. And nothing could be worse than those three things."

"Oh, it can get worse. It can always get worse. And how do you know that? How do you know they bought that was the real child they were looking for? How do you know that they aren't just waiting around for you to appear again so they can take you away again? How do you know-"

"Mona, you're scaring me!" Plague Knight announced, getting her to stop rambling for the moment. He placed a hand on her uninjured shoulder and said, "I need you do something for me, alright?" Slowly, she nodded. "Take. A deep. Breath. Got that?"

Mona sighed. "Right, right. Sorry, I guess I'm just stressed. I knew this wasn't going to be all sunshine and rainbows when you did this to yourself, but I was not prepared for things to get this hectic."

"Yeah, we need to fix this, quick. Otherwise, I think your sanity's going to take a dive into a dark hole from which it can never escape."

"Yeah, if one more thing goes wrong, I'll probably turn into a raving lunatic."

"Even if you went completely insane, I don't think you would be raving. A little nuts, sure. Anything beyond that? Nah."

Mona scoffed. "Please, if those brothers hadn't hurt me like they did, most of this continent would be nothing but a crater."

"We don't have that kind of fire power, though," Plague Knight pointed out. "We likely never will. Even if the people suddenly pull a complete 180 and start thinking we're better than their fairytale heroes and lavish us with the most explosive materials known to mankind, we would still not have enough. This is a big continent, I hope you realize."

"I didn't say I'd blow up all of it. Just most of it. Otherwise, I might risk harming you." She smiled sweetly in a way that warmed Plague Knight's heart. With that wonderful smile still on her face, she said in a dangerous tone, "And don't worry. I would find a way. They would have paid dearly for what they did…"

Plague Knight found her behavior equal parts unnerving and comforting, as strange as that might sound. Sure, it scared him a little that she was essentially saying that she got very close to blowing up the world as they knew it, but at the same time it was a side of her that he had grown somewhat fond of, though it rarely emerged.

He chuckled. "I don't doubt it. You know, theoretically, you could have still done that. Throwing bombs doesn't take as much energy or work as swinging a sword."

"Well, no, it doesn't. But I would get caught and probably killed because I was chucking explosives around like an idiot with no viable way of escaping."

"I suppose that's true." Plague Knight stood. "I hope you realize that all this talk of throwing around bombs is not helping to scratch my itch."

"I know," Mona said with a sigh. "I can't stop you, but… promise me that if something stupid happens to you, you run away with all due haste."

Plague Knight crossed his arms. "You say that like I would just sit around with a happy, oblivious smile on my face and await my untimely demise, maiming, or kidnapping."

"Or worse," Mona added.

"It couldn't get worse!" Plague Knight yelled, feeling somewhat exasperated by her talk of his potential next situation getting worse.

"You could be tortured. I consider that worse!"

"Couldn't that be counted as kidnapping?"

"I believe that's considered a whole other offence."

"I don't feel like anyone would gain a single thing from torturing me."

"People are sadistic, I hope you know. There are those that simply find it fun. There are also the other creeps you have to watch out for, too."

"Dare I ask why you mean by 'other creeps'?"

Mona did not hesitate for a second with her answer, saying it in such a way that Plague Knight was unsure if she was serious or joking, or a mix of the both. "Rapists. Or, more accurately, considering you're a kid at the moment, the pedophiles."

Plague Knight's eyes widened. He parted his lips slightly to reply, but quickly stopped when he found that he wasn't sure he wanted to. Slowly, he closed his mouth with a grim look on his face. Eventually, he conceded, "Okay, yeah, that could be put under the 'worse' category."

"That's why I said it could get worse!"

Plague Knight, with minor issues, managed to crawl onto the bed. He hugged Mona and said in a traumatized tone, "I take it back. I don't want to go out anymore."

Mona snorted. It was clear that she had not honestly expected to dissuade him from going out. At least, not that easily. Wrapping an arm around him, she replied, "It's probably best."

* * *

 **Well, not much to say here...**

 **Ah, how about a small complaint on how no one loves me anymore?!**


	25. Dance!

**Fucking Trump won! Minorities, women, minority women! Get your ass out of America while you still can! Come back in four years when someone smarter gets elected. (For the record, I am female, and I would take my own advice, but that would involve convincing my mother as well and she seemed slightly adversed to the idea because other countries don't like us.)**

 **So, anyway... This chapter was not necessarily my idea. Okay, it kinda is. See, I'm chatting with Ikcsi, alright? So, for some reason, back in fucking October, one of our many conversations that happen all at once turned to Plague Knight and Mona because I was questioning what I should call the room you find Mona in during the main game and at the beginning of the DLC. (If anyone has a good answer to that, I would _love_ to hear it)  
And so that took an odd turn right quick, and suddenly I'm making mention of the fact that the dance at the end of the game _must_ have happened several months after the fact. Reasoning?  
** **I, and I quote myself, said, '** Also, as a side note that I've been forgetting to point out... just how much do you figure she weighs? I mean, Plague Knight, in the dance at the end of his story, manages to swing her downwards at such an angle to the point whereas she should be relying totally on his strength to not smash her head on the ground. But he's supposed to be one of the least physically capable characters of the game, Tinker probably taking the spot of the most wimpy. So either he's way stronger than I thought, or Mona just weighs absolutely nothing.'

 **Some more of our lovely conversation happened, and suddenly she's saying that either she could make a section about it for her story, or I could beat her to it with mine. Seeing as Plague Knight is a child here, I was naturally a little confused as to how I could get that to work, and so replied:  
** 'And just where would I fit that in? In the middle?  
"Come, Plaguey!"  
"Wait, what?" *thud* "Ow!"  
"Oh, right, you can't dance. Whoops."  
*Groan*'

 **She said I should... so here we are. Hopefully we'll get a chance to see S is for Strength as well when S comes out.**

* * *

Short 24

"Come, Plaguey!"

"Wait, what?" Plague Knight did not get a proper answer to this question as Mona, who just two seconds ago had been staring at the ceiling with the most bored expression that ever existed, stood, yelled that, and grabbed his hands, pulling him to the center of the room.

Or at least, she tried to pull him to the center of the room. Instead, surprised and confused, he tripped over his own feet and fell to the floor, his hands slipping through Mona's somewhat loose grip on him like he was a wet fish.

He hit the ground with a very audible thud. "Ow!" He whined, glancing up at Mona with annoyance.

"Oh right, you can't dance," Mona realized with mild surprise. "Whoops."

Plague Knight groaned. "That had nothing to do with dancing."

"Yes, it did."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"I will!"

"How was that a dance? You pulled me forward two feet and I fell!"

Mona was silent for a moment before conceding. "Yeah, alright. I see your point now."

Slowly, Plague Knight stood. "Why did you do that anyway?"

"I'm bored," she complained.

"I know, but you're going to hurt yourself," Plague Knight warned. "I'd rather you be bored than squirming in pain."

"I suppose that's somewhat valid thought process, but I want to do something."

Plague Knight sighed and grabbed Mona's hand, leading her back to her bed. "I don't understand why you don't have any patience anymore."

"I don't have the option to do nothing anymore, it's the only thing I can do. Before all this, if I got bored and you weren't around to entertain me, I'd dance." She sighed and whispered, "I can't do that now."

"You can dance?"

"I thought you already figured that out considering I was trying to pull you into a one just a minute ago."

"I thought you were doing that because you were just _that_ bored."

"Well yeah, that too."

Plague Knight sighed and lazily drummed his fingers on the edge of the bed, the soft material keeping the motion from creating an obnoxious sound. "There isn't any better way to deal with your restless energy, is there?"

Mona smiled; she could see what he was doing. Rolling with it, she replied, "Nope."

Plague Knight let out an overly exaggerated sigh. "Fine, have your fun. Just remember that I'm not to blame if you get caught."

Mona smiled gratefully and grabbed his hand, trying to pull him forward.

"What are you doing?" He questioned even as he was dragged a couple feet.

"I want you to dance with me."

Plague Knight froze on the spot, pulling his hand away as he told her, "Uh, Mona, you don't want me as your dance partner. I have tripped over my own feet while walking in a straight line. You've seen me do that. Twice now, I believe."

"That I have. But do you really want me to dance without someone else?" She pouted at him.

Plague Knight looked away, afraid he'd break if he gazed upon the look on her face. 30 seconds passed, and Mona's pout was slowly turning into a look of pure sadness, and, with a soft groan, he grumbled, "Fine."

Mona brightened immediately and grabbed his hand again, bringing him to the center of the room.

"I'm warning you now; I'm probably going to hurt you," Plague Knight said as Mona took a hold of both his hand and started to sway back and forth, providing him a feel for the rhythm of the nonexistent tune in her head.

"No you won't. It's not like we're doing the tango."

"…What's the tango?"

Mona stopped and stared at him blankly. "You don't… you haven't even heard of… uh, it's, uh… it's a dance, a convoluted one at that."

Plague Knight cocked his head to the side, confused. "That's not very descriptive."

"I don't know how to explain it."

"Clearly."

Mona rolled her eyes and resumed her swaying, with Plague Knight hesitantly copying her.

"So what is it that we're doing?"

"Nothing special. You're too short and inexperienced, while I'm hurt, so we can't do anything particularly interesting."

Not giving Plague Knight time to figure out how to keep their banter going, Mona took a step, watching Plague Knight hurriedly attempt to follow her. After providing him a moment to gather his bearings, she took another. This time, he was more prepared and was able to move more smoothly.

Slowly, Mona turned them in a small circle, keeping it almost too simple for her partner's sake. He was unnaturally interested in his feet, and she couldn't tell if he was afraid of stepping on her, or if he was trying to hide his face, of which was slowly turning a bright red as he overthought the situation that he had somehow found himself in.

"Relax," she felt the need to tell him. He glanced up to her; seemingly unsure if he should actually do so. "You aren't going to hurt me, and even if you do, it won't be that bad. So calm down."

"I don't think I believe that."

"Okay, I know that you have virtually no self esteem outside of when you're running around exploding people, but you need to at least pretend that you do."

"How do I act like that's a thing? It's not like I can grow it on a tree, you know. Even if it were possible, I'd probably kill the poor plant before it could have a chance to give me any."

"Plaguey, you don't have a black thumb. You would not kill it."

"I thought we concluded you were the only one with a green thumb. Literally, in fact."

"While my thumbs are indeed green, I don't make a good horticulturist, and you know it. Remember that one time the Magicist asked me to take care of a cactus…?"

"Somewhat. Didn't she say not to water it, you didn't, and it still somehow died?"

Mona groaned. "Yeah. Still not sure how I did that."

"It was probably the soil. I think it had too many nutrients."

Mona blinked when she realized that Plague Knight, who looked equally confused, was not the one who said this. She looked up and realized that the Magicist had at one point or another popped in and had probably been watching for the past 30 seconds.

"When did you come in…?" Plague Knight asked slowly, completely halting his movements.

"Just now. The door was open and I heard you talking about killing my cactus, so I figured I'd tell you what it probably was. Too much Nitrogen and not enough Potassium. Or was it Phosphorus that counteracted the Nitrogen…? Or did I conclude I had too much Phosphorus? Or it could have been one of the micronutrients…"

Plague Knight slowly turned his gaze up to Mona, an eyebrow raised in confusion. Sadly for him, she looked just as lost.

Looking once again at the magician, he said, "Magicist, we aren't into the agriculture mumbo-jumbo. I have no idea what Nitrogen, Potassium, or Phosphorus has to do with dirt."

"It's not dirt; it's called soil if it has nutrients in it! Honestly." She huffed, seemingly offended. "And NPK has everything to do with it! They are the-" She stopped when Plague Knight repeatedly yelled for her to stop.

"I don't care. I _really_ don't. So please shut up."

The Magicist rolled her eyes. "You don't see me telling you two to shut up whenever you get into your mini-speeches."

"Well, yeah, and I suppose we should appreciate that, but you understand what we're talking about. However, we don't know anything about horticulture, nor do we care."

In response, the Magicist merely stuck out her tongue. Changing topics, she asked, "So, what is it you two were doing?"

Mona let out a small sigh and released Plague Knight's hands. "I was trying to get my restless energy out."

The Magicist laughed. "That's an odd way of achieving that."

Mona frowned, crossing her arms. "All other options are too physically demanding."

The Magicist cocked her head to the side as she thought about that. "Yeah, alright. But you couldn't just play a board game or something?"

Mona shook her head in confusion. "We don't have board games."

The Magicist raised an eyebrow. "I could have sworn that we did."

"Not unless you brought one in," Plague Knight said.

"We have one somewhere."

"Why are you convinced we have a children's game stored away somewhere in a lab filled with highly dangerous chemicals?"

"Because I know we do. You'll see. I'll find it." The Magicist then turned and left the room.

Plague Knight, a positively befuddled expression on his face, looked up to Mona, who stared back with a similar confusion.

"Do you want to just pretend that the last… oh, 10 minutes or so simply didn't happen?"

"…That's probably one of the better ideas you've had."

"Was that an insult?"

* * *

 **I hope that satisfies you, if only just a little, Ikcsi dear.**

 **Sorry about the Hort shit, though. We just did the nutrient section, and, since I just type whatever comes to mind and just kinda roll with it like I would a real conversation might work, that kinda flowed in there. So yeah. Magicist's a Hort nut in this AU. That's kinda weird.**


	26. The Bored That Leads To The Finale

**Well, now that it's been a solid 20-something days, I suppose I should be bothered to post something, huh?**

* * *

Short 25

(Day 21)

"Hey… You're boss, aren't you?"

Plague Knight stopped in his tracks and turned around looking at the minion he had just passed. Though curious as to how his employee figured it out, he decided it was best to play dumb for now.

"Isn't your boss Mona?" He asked, figuring that Mona would fail to inform 'Adam' of her partner, seeing as he was not present.

The minion frowned. "Yes, her too. But more importantly, our real boss, Plague Knight, disappeared a couple weeks ago, lining up perfectly with your appearance."

Plague Knight frowned in return. Admittedly, he was surprised it had taken anyone as long as it had to realize who he was, if it was really as simple as figuring out where he arrived/disappeared.

"Don't worry," the minion told him, a smirk on his face. "I won't tell a soul."

The man turned and walked away, leaving Plague Knight alone in the corridor.

"I'm going to regret letting him live, aren't I?"

* * *

"Yeah, that's going to bite you in the ass," Mona commented casually after hearing the story of what transpired in the hallway.

"You aren't gonna lock me in your room now, are you?" Plague Knight questioned.

Mona shook her head. "Nah. That would require getting up, and I'm not feeling up to that."

Plague Knight smiled. "Good. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to get you any more food!" As if the help his point, he then tossed a banana at her.

Mona was completely unaware that he even had the fruit, as she had been asleep when he left and he had been holding it just out of her line of sight. This resulted in her being unprepared, and ultimately the food clocked her.

Plague Knight froze. "Uh, sorry," he apologized. "I… kinda figured you'd catch that."

"I got that," Mona replied, luckily not acting all that annoyed.

Plague Knight let out the smallest sigh of relief that she wasn't pissed he tossed a banana in her face. He watched as she grabbed said fruit and peeled it, munching on it while watching him watch her.

"You know what's occurred to me?" Mona questioned in between bites.

"What?" Plague Knight asked.

"The Magicist could have given me a health potion a long time ago, and I may have gotten away from this mess without a single scar."

Plague Knight was silent as he contemplated this. Then, he turned on his heel and marched to the door.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"To go beat up a magician."

"You don't have to do that…"

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn if I have to. If she had just thought of a health potion, neither of us would have been spending the past 4 days doing absolute jack shit and you could have joined in the effort to find me."

"Well, that's true, and I appreciate the sentiment, but it's a bit late now. Everyone knows I'm hurt, and if I suddenly pop up in the village saying that it was just a flesh wound when it clearly wasn't, I have the feeling people are going to get suspicious."

Plague Knight was saddened by the news. "But…" He stopped himself when he realized that he really didn't have much of an argument against this.

"Besides, something tells me that it's not healthy to always be artificially healing my wounds. My body's probably going to forget how to heal itself if I keep drinking those."

"If that's the case, I suppose I should probably lay off on them a bit too, huh?"

"That would probably be the wise thing to do, however, that's only a vague theory that I have no desire to test, so you're probably fine. If not, well then, oops."

"If you say so…"

"I do say so. Now come sit back down."

"Alright." Plague Knight returned to the bed's side. "Ya know, I just realized the Magicist has probably left for the day anyway. It's probably why I ran into that worker. He was on his way to clock out."

Mona looked mildly surprised by this. "Is it that late already?"

"Your sense of time is off," Plague Knight noted.

"Yeah, you have such an erratic schedule; I can't use it at all to help me."

"It doesn't exactly help that you're sleeping constantly."

"I need my sleep though. And what else am I going to do?"

"Read."

"I've been doing that for all of forever, though! I'm bored! Even I need a little excitement from time to time."

"Like another kidnapping?"

Plague Knight was met with a blank, unimpressed stare.

"Well, what do you want me to do about it, then?"

Mona paused in thought, and Plague Knight felt himself becoming frightened of what she might request of him.

Then: "Dance."

"…Dance?" Plague Knight questioned, unsure if he heard correctly.

"Dance," Mona repeated to ensure that he did indeed hear properly.

"…You're kidding."

"I am not. That, or you can go find me something else of interest to amuse me."

Plague Knight frowned and turned on his heel. "I shall find you something to do."

Mona smiled gratefully, cheering in an almost childlike voice, "Yay!"

Plague Knight paused mid-step and looked back at her. "Are you alright?" He questioned with a concerned tone.

Mona chuckled. "Ah… That's debatable. Though I thought we already established that I was going insane."

"No, I think that was me," Plague Knight replied.

Mona shrugged uncaringly. "It was one of us."

Plague Knight raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't mean the other should go crazy."

"One light goes out, they all go out," Mona told him as though it were a piece of advice that a wise sage had personally given her.

Plague Knight was unsure of what to make of this, evident by the utterly befuddled expression on his face. Therefore, his reply was a skeptical "Right…"

"You don't believe me?" Mona questioned, pouting as though her trust had been misplaced when it came to keeping a minor secret.

Shaking his head in disbelief at how far they had fallen in a mere 3 weeks, Plague Knight walked away, refusing to respond and allow the madness to continue.

* * *

"What am I going to do to keep her entertained…?" Plague Knight questioned to no one in particular (especially considering no one else was present).

He glanced this way and that, looking for something that might happen to catch his eye, and therefore might be capable of grabbing a hold of her interest. Nothing stood out to him, though.

He let out a low, annoyed groan. Then, his ears picked up the sound of something slithering along the ground.

Plague Knight stopped in his tracks and listened. He did not hear it again. Confused, he took a step forward and felt something under his foot, accompanied by a low hiss.

Freezing, he looked downward. A snake, fearful, yet mad that it had been stepped on, glared back at him.

* * *

 **Yeah, I think you can see where this is going. If not, you'll figure out next chapter.**

 **This will be the final set of chapters. As of the 27th short, I have decided how the main problem of the story is to be fixed. Oh course, there's a sub issue that will need to be dealt with, but once that's out of the way, I can move on with my life. Oh geez, I will be able to move on with my life! I'll have to figure out a new good idea, otherwise I won't have anything to do during my mornings. I'm thinking of something that doesn't heavily revolve around jokes.**


	27. My Most Insane Arc Yet

**Hello, and welcome to what I am now dubbing the most ridiculous arc I have conceived thus far, which is impressive considering what it's fighting against for that title. This arc is probably inconsistent with its own information and probably more self-aware than the others because of just how odd this series is getting. The best part? This isn't even the fucking end. *Bangs head against wall because I kinda just want this to _end_ ***

 **So yeah. Don't expect a lot of coherency here. But then again, you've made it this far, why should you be expecting that?**

 **By the way, I was chatting it up with my dear lkcsi and we've decided that the best way to sum up this story is '** Oh fucknuggets, now look what we've done.' **Seems apt, yeah?**

* * *

Short 26

'Crap,' Plague Knight thought to himself as he stared at the creature under his foot. 'Do I move, do I not? I don't know which will anger it more. Can it even slither out from under my foot with how much weight I have on it now?'

He stared at the snake's eyes, which showed off a growing fury caused by its inability to flee.

'Make a decision and commit, Plague, that's all you can do now.' Suddenly, the snake lunged at him, closing its jaws on his hand, its fangs piercing his skin. 'Or get bitten, that works too.'

Instinctively, Plague Knight jerked backwards, ripping the reptile's mouth off him and, in the process, removing his foot from it. The snake took the opportunity to flee, disappearing behind a machine.

Plague Knight frowned and looked down at the two new bleeding puncture marks.

"Guess I found your excitement, Mona," he whispered to himself, turning around and making his way back to her room, watching the ground intently to ensure that he did not step on the snake again.

* * *

"Oh, you're back," Mona noted when the door opened. "What did you bring me?"

"News that a snake is on the loose," Plague Knight replied, waving his injured hand around. While it wasn't bleeding much, it was starting to run down his arm as he tried to keep it from dripping on the floor. "I know; I stepped on it and it bit me."

Mona bolted up so fast he was afraid that she may have hurt herself. "What?" She questioned. She took a deep breath to remain calm. "Wow, that's the first time we've had a rodent problem."

"It's not a rodent, it's a reptile," Plague Knight corrected. "And we've had a rodent 'problem' for a while now; it's just that they've never bothered us, so we haven't done anything about it." He stepped forward at Mona's silent ushering, allowing her to pick him up and place him on the bed. She looked over his hand, which was a bright red and starting to swell terribly, with a growing concern.

After what felt like forever, she let out an annoyed groan, running her hand through her hair as though she was feeling extremely frustrated. Which she probably was.

"You're determined to make me collapse from stress, aren't you?"

"Not at all!" Plague Knight yelled, almost offended that she would say such a thing.

"Well…" Mona trailed off for a moment before groaning. "Sit there and don't become over excited. Do you know if it was poisonous?"

Plague Knight shrugged. "Not a clue."

"Then we'll treat it as if it is," she concluded before she stood and started to pace. "I just realized I have no clue how to deal with this."

"You and me both," Plague Knight said, an annoyed frown on his face. "I don't think anyone else has a clue, either. Think the local doctor's got something?"

"I'm pretty sure he's frightened of me. I don't think he'd want to help. Plus, we don't have any snakes in this area. The likely chance that he'll have a cure is minimal."

"If you say so. But why would he be scared of you?"

"Well, it started with the Magicist getting on his case about him spilling the beans about my back, and then I joined in, and it was a bit of a downward spiral from there."

"Okay…"

"Exactly."

"Is there anything we can do?"

"Theoretically, we could try magic. It'd be faster than catching the snake and trying to create a counter to whatever toxin it might be holding. Only problem is that I don't know any magic at all, and I fear what the Magicist is going to tell us."

"Why would you fear what she's going to tell us?"

"There's probably some stupid rule involved that would make it incredibly difficult. Or she just won't know how to deal with it."

Plague Knight frowned. "Well, then what do you suggest we do?"

"Wait here. I'll go get her anyway."

Plague Knight nodded and made himself comfortable on the bed. He groaned, attracting the attention of the sleeping kitten at the corner of the bed.

Absentmindedly, he stroked his cat with his unharmed hand.

'I don't know whether to be surprised or not by this…' he thought to himself.

* * *

Mona pounded on the Magicist's door for nearly a full minute before she could successfully answer.

"What do you want?" The tired magician growled upon swinging open the door. Apparently not recognizing who was visiting her, she yelled, "Don't you see the 'no soliciting' sign?! And it's nearly midnight, dammit!"

"Well, that's one way to greet a coworker," Mona muttered as she crossed her arms and tried to suppress her shivering. "Look, I'm not here to listen to your tired ramblings."

"Oh," the Magicist muttered upon finally waking up enough to realize who stood before her. "Wait, why are you out of bed? I told Plague to keep you in your room!"

"Yes, well, he's been bitten by a snake and we aren't sure if it's poisonous or not. We're just going to act as though it is. Any bright ideas?"

The Magicist stared at Mona, rightfully confused. "How'd a snake get in?"

Mona shrugged. "Beats me. But do remember that we have a lot of rats, it wouldn't be impossible for a reptile to slither in. Are you going to help or not?"

The Magicist sighed. "Is he showing any sort of symptoms?"

Mona shook her head. "It's only been a couple minutes."

"Then don't worry about it. Go keep an eye on him. If he suddenly starts showing signs that something's wrong, then come get me." Without waiting for a reply, she retreated back into the house, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

Mona found Plague Knight sleeping peacefully on the bed, his bitten hand resting on his stomach and his good one on top of Xenon's head.

Though she found it to be adorable and didn't want to wake him, Mona figured that it would be best to check on him, and so tapped him on the shoulder a couple times. He grumbled unhappily, but peeled his eyes open anyway.

"What?" He questioned.

"Sorry. I just figured I should ask how your hand is feeling."

Plague Knight raised his arm and looked at the blood covering it. "Unsurprisingly, it hurts like a son of a bitch, but I'll live. Hopefully, anyway."

Mona nodded in understanding. Plague Knight took this as a sign that he could go back to sleep and thus closed his eyes even though Mona was just about to offer him some painkillers.

* * *

(Day 22)

Mona woke up without remembering ever falling asleep, which is especially impressive since she found herself on the floor and last she remembered, she was on the edge of the bed. With no way to tell the time, she could only assume it was sometime into the next day. Of course, this was a very broad range, and really didn't help her at all. She could only hope that she hadn't been resting for more than around two hours, in case Plague Knight started having issues.

Groaning unhappily, she pulled herself up and looked to said alchemist, who was still on the bed. He had curled up under the blanket at one point or another, and so now all that was visible was a shaking lump.

Mona's eyes widened upon noticing the trembling. "Oh boy, here we go."

She shifted closer and rolled him onto his back. In response, he groaned and attempted to roll back, seemingly wanting to cuddle his kitten. Mona would not allow this behavior, however, and kept a firm grasp on his shoulder while she checked him over.

It seemed that he had a minor fever, and while that in itself was not necessarily horrible, it was what was causing it that worried her.

Plague Knight grumbled unhappily and reached up a hand to get Mona's off his shoulder. She quickly stopped him, though, by grabbing his wrist. Not to prevent the action, mind you, but rather because it was covered in blood, and it was the hand that not been bitten.

Mona looked at the squirming appendage closely, but was unable to find any damage. Then it hit her, and she groaned. Pulling back the sheets, she nodded to herself grimly. "Yep," she muttered. "Should have remembered that."

What is it that she should have remembered? That, dear readers, is to take care of the bite wound. She had somehow forgotten to deal with that, and so it had been allowed to bleed freely all over her bed.

Resisting the urge to hit her head against the wall a couple times, she stood and started looking about for medical supplies, eventually locating them and hastily covering the wound. She didn't bother trying to clean up any of the mess, as she needed new sheets anyway. She was saddened about the blanket, though. She liked that one, and it was still relatively new.

Sighing, she patted Plague Knight's head. He grumbled in response and rolled over, clutching onto Xenon for dear life.

Mona turned around and left to find the Magicist, hoping that he wouldn't worsen in the time that she took.

* * *

"He's gotten worse?" The Magicist asked, as though it were a huge shock.

"Yeah, he's gotten worse. Are you going to help or not?" Mona snapped.

"Okay, okay, geez. Calm down. What's gotten you so riled up?"

"What do you think?!"

The Magicist was silent for a moment before saying, "You know there's a stress management class meeting tomorrow. Maybe you should partake in it."

Mona snarled.

The Magicist wisely backed away. "Okay then… I'll just grab something and then I'll be right down."

Without waiting for Mona to attempt to rip her head off, the Magicist took a step back and quickly closed the door.

* * *

The Magicist arrived, flipping through a book.

"What kind?" She asked as soon as the door was open.

"What kind of what?" Mona questioned in response.

"What kind of snake?" The Magicist corrected.

Mona shrugged. "If we knew that, then we would have been halfway through creating a cure."

The Magicist sighed, seemingly silently complaining that they were making her job far more difficult. "Color?"

Mona frowned, as though asking if the magician couldn't tell Plague Knight was fast asleep. Earning a frown in return, she poked Plague Knight awake. He grumbled unhappily, and the Magicist had to repeat her question several times before he responded. Even then, he refused to open his eyes, and his words came out in slur that required some interpreting.

"Blood," he muttered.

The two girls frowned.

"Blood as in 'blood red' or… what? I seriously don't know what that means," Mona said.

"I taste blood," he replied. He stuck his finger in his mouth while forcing an eye open and when he removed it did not look even mildly surprised upon noticing that it had the aforementioned bodily fluid on it. Instead, he merely groaned and closed his eye, letting his arm go limp.

"Oh boy," the Magicist muttered. "Plague, hey, pay attention for just a moment. What color was it?"

"Light green. With some black." The Magicist flipped a couple pages, sticking a bookmark here and there.

"Front or back fangs?"

Plague Knight groaned as he tried to recall the information. "I'm going to assume it was front since I didn't even know snakes could have back fangs." There was more flipping and more bookmarks.

"Length?"

"I don't know. It twisted weirdly."

"Eye size?"

Plague Knight's eyes cracked open at this, glaring at her while he answered, "I don't know! I have nothing to compare it too! Medium, maybe?" A couple removal of bookmarks.

"Head shape?"

"Beats me."

The Magicist sighed. "This isn't getting us anyway. I'm going to find it."

Mona looked to Plague Knight, who stared back. They then both looked to the Magicist. "Don't get bitten," they both advised at the same time.

The Magicist waved their concern off. "I'll be fine."

* * *

Five minutes later, the Magicist returned with a horrified look on her face.

"Well, she clearly won't be the bearer of good news," Plague Knight noted after opening his eyes upon hearing her footsteps.

"Yeah, that's a boomslang."

"A what?" Mona asked.

"Something that shouldn't be here. That thing lives in a whole other continent. How it got here is beyond me."

"Let me guess, it's super poisonous and Plaguey's going to drop dead in the next five seconds, leading us to assume someone managed to import such a creature with the purpose of completely destroying us?" Mona asked.

"That sounds about right."

"Wait, I'm seriously going to drop dead in the next five seconds?" Plague Knight asked, horrified.

"Hm? Oh, no, the process takes at least about 24 hours for the average adult. You have a bit of time."

"But he's a kid," Mona reminded her. "A small one, at that."

"Yeah, and he's still got an incredibly strong immune system that can keep it at bay for a while. Why else do you think he's basically been fine after he woke up some? He'll be alive until at least tomorrow, I'd say."

Mona stared at the Magicist blankly for several seconds. Finally, she muttered, "I don't think it works that way. Wait, today tomorrow or tomorrow tomorrow? It's past midnight, after all."

"Today tomorrow, but we have a couple hours. It's strange, I've only heard of a handful of deaths from these guys because they have back fangs, and thus usually have to bite their prey multiple times before they're poisoned. Have to say, you got pretty unlucky."

"So you're saying that anyone that happens to get poisoned from the first bite dies?"

"…Yeah."

"Let me guess. There's no viable way to get the anti-venom in time."

"…Pretty much."

"Well, can you catch it? If I get a sample of its venom, I might be able to come up with something."

"Do you understand how anti-venom works at all?"

"Not a clue, I'm just hoping I can bullshit my way through this."

"Well, you can't. Let me tell you this, it takes weeks, sometimes just to get enough venom from the snake."

Mona shook her head as though she were attempting to convince herself to deny this. "Oh boy… What can we do, then?"

"Nothing," the Magicist said with an uncaring shrug. Upon seeing the horrified look on Mona's face, she said, "Just kidding. So long as we can get it, we can use magic."

"Yeah, because that'll end well."

"Oh, ye of little faith."

"Of course I have no faith. We're in this situation to begin with. I think any and all gods and goddesses have decided they all unanimously hate us. But it's our only real option, so I'll go with it for now. Just where are we going to get magic?" Mona questioned, skeptical.

"Those adventurers are still in town," the Magicist suggested.

Mona found herself rightfully surprised that the two nomads were still around. "Wait, seriously? Why haven't they moved on?"

"They can't lug around all their gold with them, so they're waiting until they've spent most of it."

"Haven't they ever heard of a bank?"

"Apparently not."

"…You're kidding me."

"I see no reason to joke about that."

"Joy."

"Don't sound so happy."

"I'll sound unhappy if I want to. Could you just go grab those adventurers now?"

"I think you should do it."

"What, why?"

"It'll be way more pitiable if you are the one to beg for help."

"Who cares about looking pitiful?"

"They're more likely to help if they feel bad for you."

Mona growled but relented. She swung around and picked up Plague Knight, who had seemingly fallen asleep while the girls yammered on, snatching up the blanket a moment later when he shivered.

They took the torque lifts up to the game room above the Potionarium, where Mona ordered the Magicist to clear off her desk. Once that was done, she attempted to put Plague Knight down. The poisoned alchemist was apparently awake and didn't particularly like this, clinging to the fabric of her shirt in an attempt to keep her from completing the action.

Swiftly growing annoyed, she growled and said, "Plaguey, stop this. I can't deal with this right now."

In response, Plague Knight muttered something and showed his refusal of the demand by trying to bring himself closer to the warm body, while Mona attempted to do the exactly opposite.

"I think he's coming with you," the Magicist said, an amused smile gracing her face.

"I can't climb a ladder with a child clinging to me," Mona snarled.

"Well, you're stronger than him. What's stopping you from just ripping him off?"

Mona opened her mouth, but realized that she didn't have an adequate answer. Turning to the door, she said, "Fine."

After five minutes worth of struggling with the ladder, Mona was on the surface. She located the inn within seconds and started to make her way there, all the while shivering, having grown far too used to the Potionarium's regulated temperature.

Plague Knight muttered something that sounded akin to 'stop shivering,' which very nearly caused her early morning grouchiness to get the better of her, and she barely stopped herself from snapping at him. Instead, she growled as a warning sign that he'd better back off. Luckily, this got him to shut his mouth, and, as though he were trying to make nice, he pulled his arms from the blanket cocoon, wrapping them around her neck, effectively blocking out a very minimal amount of cold.

Despite how useless it was, Mona found herself smiling at the gesture regardless.

Surprisingly, there was someone sitting at the desk in the inn's entryway. Her head was down, resting on her arms and one could hear snoring if they listened closely, but she was there at least.

Not particularly shocked by the woman's tiredness, Mona walked forward and gently nudged her. She shot up and looked at Mona with bewilderment.

"U-uh, g-good morning, welcome," she stuttered, trying to wake up.

"I believe there are two adventurers staying here, correct?" Mona questioned.

"Oh, you're talking about Shovel Knight and Shield Knight, right?"

Mona blinked. So that was their names. It did explain the seemingly random items they had with them when she first saw them. "…Sure. Listen, I need to talk to them. Where are they?"

"Isn't it a bit early? Can't it wait?" Mona snarled threateningly, to which the woman squeaked. "R-room 5."

Mona provided the employee a curt nod and left in search of room 5. She found it with little difficulty, and barged in with little regard to the travelers' sleep patterns.

Luckily, for no apparent reason, they were both up, and still in full armor at that. The lady was absentmindedly polishing the large shield that Mona remembered her having when they returned to the village. The man was busy counting their remaining gold, of which there was plenty. They both looked up, somewhat unconcerned, when the door was flung open in a rather dramatic fashion.

"…Why?" Shield Knight asked at length, looking at Mona as though determining if she were actually a threat.

"Because I could," Mona replied with a tone that made it fairly obvious upfront that she was not in a good mood and prepared to not take any crap even though the two of them could beat her into a bloody pulp with their hands tied behind their backs.

"Well, this is new," Shovel Knight commented. "What brings you here at this hour, civilian?"

Upon spying Mona's somewhat confused look in regards to the knight's mannerisms even when relaxed, the woman mouthed 'He's always like that.'

Mona nodded slowly. Getting over that (for the moment, anyway) she said, "Alright, listen. The reason I'm here is because this boy I have here has been bitten by a snake. A snake that, according to the Magicist, is from some other continent I never knew existed and is incredibly poisonous."

"Okay, that doesn't exactly sound good," Shovel Knight said. "But… what do you need us for?"

Mona took a deep breath before explaining. "There isn't enough time to get any anti-venom, and there simply are not a lot of options, so I'm going to have to trust the Magicist's magic. However, for some unexplainable reason, you can only get the type of magic we need from living creatures. Chickens are apparently the simplest, or maybe it was because they're the least likely to kill you in response, so anytime someone needs liquidized magic, 12 chickens die. There is another option, but apparently humans are just as fragile, if not more so, than chickens."

"So you're asking us to die?" Shield Knight asked, seemingly unsure of what to make of the other woman's rambling.

"Well, no. You two are adventurers, and thus your souls are less likely to die because you have magical capability, and thus, far more leeway. Or something akin that."

"You just want our magic?"

"More or less."

Shield Knight looked to Shovel Knight, who returned the look. Silently, they got up and moved to a corner, whispering to each other.

Mona shifted her weight from one foot to the other and back again, nervously awaiting their answer. To distract herself somewhat, she looked down to Plague Knight, who was either completely unconscious or on the verge of it, probably feeling content in the heat of the inn. He didn't seem to be doing any better, but he certainly wasn't any worse, so she supposed that was as close to a plus as she was going to get.

"We will help. Let's go," Shovel Knight said.

Mona looked up. "You're going to help?"

"Why do you sound disbelieving? We aren't going to let a child die," Shield Knight said.

Mona stared blankly for a moment as she realized that, to them, her partner was not a maniacal alchemist, but rather a defenseless creature that need to be coddled. "Right, forgot to take that into account. Good enough, let's go."

* * *

 **And SK & the other SK (why do they have to share the same initials?!) make their token appearance of the series! I quite liked writing Shovel Knight, actually. Throughout the game, to me, anyway, he's just this weird mix of overly ****chivalrous and way too punny, and I just was _not_ sure how the fuck to write him. Thus, he's a mix of overly chivalrous and Shield Knight level sane.**

 **You know, all throughout the chapter, Plaguey probably simply wanted to snuggle. Let's face it, he probably saw an opportunity and took it, even if that meant annoying the shit out of her.**


	28. Oh Come On, The One Time!

**And thus the insanity continues! And I am so goddamn close to finally finishing this fucking monster of a series that should not have been a monster anyway! Like, I'm on the chapter that I believe will finally finish it! Happy happy joy joy!**

* * *

Short 27

Mona sighed as she stared at the Magicist, who was sound asleep. "You've got to be kidding me," she muttered before kicking the older woman in the shin, successfully startling her awake.

"Ow, what was that for?" She whined as she inspected the wounded area for damage.

"Oh, get over it. I got the adventurers."

The Magicist looked up and smiled sheepishly at the two, who were relatively unconcerned by the exchange. She stood, with Mona taking her spot within seconds, and said, "So, which of you want to be first?"

The travelers looked to each other and then back before shrugging.

"Then you're first," the Magicist decided, pulling Shovel Knight forward and forcing him to lie down on the floor.

"Okay, what do I do?" He asked.

"Just don't slap me. Or punch, or kick, or otherwise bring harm unto me. Really, that's all you can do."

Shovel Knight very clearly raised an eyebrow despite the fact that his face was hidden. "What could cause me to do that?"

"Oh, you'll find out. Now, just relax for a moment."

Mona cringed as Shovel Knight's pained cries filled the room. "Maybe we should have thought about gluing his mouth shut," she commented before jumping forward and grabbing Shield Knight's wrist as she tried to stop her partner's pain. "He'll be fine. Sadly, I believe this is normal."

Shield Knight stared at Mona like she was crazy, but nevertheless stood down. Still, she watched her partner flail with a tortured look. Mona removed her hand and covered Plague Knight's right ear when he grumbled about the noise and pressed his left against her chest.

A solid four minutes passed, and suddenly the Magicist held a bottle half full of liquid magic. Shovel Knight, meanwhile, was either passed out or dead.

"Whatever happened to that being a two minute process?" Mona questioned as Shield Knight ran to check on her friend. "And how in hell did no one hear that and come to check on who got murdered?"

"I soundproofed the walls while you were gone."

"And you still had the time to fall asleep afterwards?"

"Yep! You were struggling with that ladder way longer than you thought. And to answer your other question, apparently the process time varies from creature to creature. Good to know."

"You didn't already know that?"

"This is a largely untouched field, you know."

"I'm aware, but I still feel you should have known that…"

"I don't think you realize how little this is done on humans."

Shield Knight looked up at the two unconcerned women. "When will he wake up?"

The Magicist shrugged. "Fuck if I know. I've never worked on a human before, so I was probably a little rougher than I needed to be. He should be up by noon or so tomorrow."

Mona raised an eyebrow. "Today tomorrow, or tomorrow tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow tomorrow. Now then, Shield Knight, are you ready?"

Shield Knight's expression indicated that she wasn't. In fact, it appeared that she was so unprepared that she probably wanted to simply leave, dragging her partner back to the inn with her. Nevertheless, she seemed to realize that they were halfway into this and that she should just get it over with, and thus nodded.

The Magicist nodded back and started her preparations.

"So I have to ask, what the death rate during these?" Shield Knight questioned.

The Magicist shrugged. "For animals, it's a hundred percent because no one really gives a shit."

"Except for me and him, apparently," Mona piped up.

"Yes, turns out they're animal lovers. Strange, isn't it? As for humans… that largely depends on the skill of the magician, but the other major factor is the strength of the person's soul. There's no real viable way to calculate a death rate because everyone's got something different to factor in."

Shield Knight nodded slowly, seemingly becoming all the more unsure of this the more time passed.

"On the bright side," the Magicist continued, "you two have inherently strong souls from all the crap you've had to put up with on your adventures, so the likely chance you're going to die is probably the lowest it's ever going to be."

"Why do I still feel you're going to kill me?" Shield Knight asked.

"Hey, your partner isn't dead, right?"

"I think he had a pulse."

"Well, there you go."

"I don't feel very reassured."

"I can't say I'm shocked. Now then, lie still for me."

Plague Knight grumbled unhappily when the screaming started. "Shut her up!" He whined.

"You know I can't do that," Mona replied, placing her hand back over his ear.

"Yes you can. You can fuckin'…" he paused for a moment as he tried to figure out what to say. "Gag her with a sock or something."

Mona snickered quietly to herself. Unsure as to why he would suggest such a thing, she questioned, "Just how awake are you?"

"That's irrelevant," he informed her. "But to answer, far too much."

"Oh really? I doubt you'd suggest such a thing if you were fully awake. It kinda sounds like you only just woke up."

"I did. The screaming acts as a great motivation to start functioning, believe it or not." He groaned. "Can we leave? I hate this sound."

Mona laughed lightly as she watched him lift his hand and place it over hers and applied some force to try and get her to do something about the noise that was getting through the pathetic barrier. "Really? I thought you loved the sounds of dying people."

"She isn't dying, and I'm not the one causing it. Therefore, it's merely painfully obnoxious. By the way, you are worthless when it comes to blocking out the screaming."

"Well, excuse me for not being soundproof."

Surprisingly, the rest of the four minute long process involved significantly less complaining than what Mona had expected to put up with. Maybe it was because, despite the screaming, she almost fell asleep, and Plague Knight decided against annoying her. Or it could be that she just didn't hear it whenever he talked. The shouting did drown out a lot of noise, after all.

Mona groaned tiredly when the screaming, which had become nothing more than white noise to her ears, finally disappeared. She tried to force herself to pay attention, but ultimately failed for the most part, and couldn't get her eyes to stay open for more than a couple seconds and so she gave up in short order. There was clicking of shoes upon the floor as the Magicist approached. A moment of silence passed when she stopped, and Mona just knew that she was raising an eyebrow.

Nothing happened for a short while, and then the older woman turned and walked over to something else. Mona didn't particularly want to try to figure out what it was that she was doing, and thus didn't bother her.

"Here." Mona heard this word, yes, but didn't quite register it, and therefore failed to understand the significance of it, ultimately deciding to not pay it any mind. That is until a hand started lightly slapping her cheek while the owner said, "Come on, up!"

Grumbling, she peeled her eyelids apart. Standing in front of her was unsurprisingly the Magicist, who had a significantly less amused look on her face than the other times in which she had to deal with the tired alchemist. In her hand was a small bottle.

"What's that?" Mona questioned.

"The magic," the Magicist answered simply, acting as though speaking to a child.

"Lovely," Mona replied uncaringly, still not quite grasping the significance of what was in front of her. Her eyes closed and her head rolled to the side as she allowed herself to return to nigh-unconsciousness.

The Magicist rolled her eyes and moved on, poking Plague Knight. "Yo, Plague, get up."

In response, Plague Knight grumbled and turned his head away.

"You two are both worthless, I hope you realize."

"If that's the case, then why would you dare work with us?" Plague Knight muttered. "And by the way, I've been bitten by a highly poisonous snake. Leave me be."

"No, I won't leave you be. And as for the question: because you have some brilliant minds trapped behind all that laziness."

Plague Knight snickered. "You have clearly never seen us when the drunken assholes are having a wild time partying above us. We spend upwards to half the night trying to figure out how to get them to shut the hell up, and then we start working, because we certainly aren't going to get any sleep. Next thing we know, it's suddenly morning, and either we've done jack shit with our night, or we've practically created the cure for cancer, completely on accident too, mind you."

The Magicist stared at him blankly for a moment before patting him on the head. "Good for you, dear. Now drink this."

"Don't we have some other kind of procedure we should go through first?"

"Probably, but you two are pretty much asleep, and I don't want to risk getting your help with that. So, straight magic it is."

"That… can't possibly end well."

"Yes, but do you want to get up?"

"No."

The Magicist nodded smugly and poked Mona, repeating the question when her attention had successfully been grabbed.

"No, go away," she grumbled, giving Plague Knight a small, loving squeezing before returning to sleep.

"Well, there you go. Come on now, drink up."

Plague Knight lifted his head and stared at the bottle as though he didn't trust it. After a moment, he sighed and snatched it out of her hand, downing it. His face twisted in dislike.

"It tastes like ass," he muttered, sticking his tongue out.

"Dare I ask why you know what that tastes like?" The Magicist questioned.

Plague Knight groaned and corrected himself. "Not literal ass. At least, I don't think so. I certainly hope not."

"Hey," Mona interjected. "Did anyone remember to bring the wheel of misfortune so we can determine what stupid effect the magic will have this time?"

Plague Knight frowned. "Damn, I think I might have left it in your room."

"You have no faith in me, do you?" The Magicist asked, her face on the verge of a scowl.

"You're giving me straight liquid magic when the times whereas we were careful to alter so it would do exactly as we desired fucked up. Of course I have no faith."

"I hate you both."

Simultaneously, the two alchemists replied, "Same to you."

"You do realize that if I hate you, I have every right to simply turn you in."

Mona looked at the Magicist with a frightening glare. "You wouldn't dare."

"What makes you think I wouldn't?"

"Oh please. How else would you freely dabble in alchemy?"

The Magicist paused and conceded, "Fair enough."

"Uh, guys?" Plague Knight asked, catching the attention of the two women. "How am I supposed to know if it worked?"

"What do you mean?" Mona questioned, somewhat confused.

"Well, you gave me magical liquid for poison. How am I supposed to know if it did that or gave me an extra lung?"

"I feel like you would know if you suddenly had an extra lung," the Magicist said. "And to answer, not a clue."

Plague Knight grumbled. "Well then, what good are you?"

Mona felt him tense up. "Plaguey?" She questioned, not receiving an answer. She looked up to the Magicist. "This isn't good, is it?"

The Magicist raised an eyebrow, not seeing the problem. "I'm not sure, what's he doing?"

"I don't know! He's frozen up." She shook him, trying to get some type of response from him.

And then something finally happened. And it made Mona want to laugh hysterically, or cry in frustration while banging her head against the wall. Or maybe a little bit of both.

He grew. Yes, today's magic mishap has caused Plague Knight to revert back to his original age. Funny, right? Well, not to Mona.

"You have got to be kidding me!"

The Magicist, taking this far better than her, merely muttered, "Well, can't say I expected that…"

Plague Knight, shaking himself out of his frozen state, looked down at his body. "Uh, that wasn't what you were going for, was it?"

"Not at all."

"That didn't neutralize the poison, did it?" Mona asked.

"Most likely not."

Mona growled, twitching a little. "Then what do we do now?"

The Magicist tried to say something, but couldn't think of anything, and thus she just opened and closed her mouth like a fish.

"I have a brilliant idea!" Plague Knight suddenly announced.

Mona looked quite relieved as she said, "Good, at least someone has an idea of what they're doing. What is it?"

"Well, remember that one time I poisoned myself?"

"The time you got stabbed with a poisoned dagger and were completely out of it for several weeks, therefore ultimately causing the Shnazlehocker incident, or the one that was so deadly you should have keeled over within two minutes and it took you a week to recover, and we had no health potions by the end- Oh, I get where you're going with this."

"What?" The Magicist asked. "I'm lost."

"You were there, weren't you?" Plague Knight questioned, confused. He shrugged and decided he might as well explain. "Well, you see, some time ago, some poison I was working with dripped into an open wound I'd forgotten about. Naturally, that's not good, and within an hour I was sitting on my bed chugging health potions every couple minutes to keep my body from shutting down on me."

"Oh, I vaguely remember that now," the Magicist realized. "Wasn't Mona running around the whole time trying to figure out how to neutralize it?"

Mona nodded. She could feel herself growing more tired than she already was just thinking about it. "That I was. I don't think I got any sleep that week. The funny thing is that he ultimately healed himself. I thought with the constant use of health potions, his body wouldn't try to do anything to help itself, but apparently it did. Of course, we only found that out _after_ he used every one of our potions, but give us a break, that was an incredibly stressful week, I wasn't sure what I was doing at all."

Mona briefly wondered if she lost her coworker somewhere in her inane rambling. Surprising, however, the older woman nodded in understanding, albeit with a hint of confusion. "I can't help but feel you should have come up with that idea _before_ trying the magic that you refuse to trust."

"Shut up, I was panicking!"

The Magicist snickered.

Mona sighed. "Back down to the lab, I guess. Plaguey, you're walking on your own, I'm not carrying you."

"That's fair," Plague Knight replied, hopping off her lap. The blanket was tossed in his face a second later as Mona forced herself to stand.

"I know you're dying from poison, but I think your first order of business should be to change," the Magicist advised.

"Yeah, I noticed," Plague Knight said, playing absentmindedly with the ripped shirt that no longer fit him.

* * *

 **Sorry, a lot of this was nothing but pointless banter. But I'm actually really happy with all this.**

 **Also, from now on, I think Plaguey's going to seem more... natural. I seem to write him way better as an adult than a child. Which is sad, since they're pretty much the same person. I'm starting to think it's because I was unconsciously fighting myself on the fact that he was a child and thus should be more child-like, but still incredibly more mature than pretty much everyone else and it just turned into a bit of a clusterfuck.**


	29. Off To Kill A Snake! Er, Almost

**Oh fuck, I forgot about this, sorry! I blame lkcsi. I've been spending a lot of time writing Queen Propeller and chatting with her about... well, a shit ton of stuff, actually, the most important being why it would absolutely suck for Plague Knight to actually be a bird man. At least when you consider his human girlfriend/clearly future wife.**

 **Also, it's official, this series is going to end with exactly 30 chapters, counting the first one! This is the longest series I've ever made that I've actually successfully finished. Yay!**

* * *

Short 28

Plague Knight stared at his cat, not entirely sure what do to. Xenon, who they had forgotten in the Potionarium, was now left without the caregiver that she knew. Plague Knight wanted his kitten to realize that he was in fact Adam, but was worried on how to achieve that. He wondered if she would accept him solely through scent.

Deciding to test it, he slowly walked forward a step, crouched, and held out his hand. He didn't dare trying to speak, because, though he had yet to put too much thought into it, he figured his voice was deeper now that he was once again past puberty.

Xenon didn't move for a couple moments, but then took a step forward, hesitantly sniffing him. She was mildly surprised at the scent at first, but figured that he was at least a close friend of her caregiver, and thus rubbed against the offered hand in a show of good faith.

Plague Knight let out a relieved sigh and pet her head for a moment before standing and ducking into his room to change.

A moment later, he emerged, wearing his cloak and all of its assets again. He held his mask in one hand, and was feeling his cloak's fabric with the other, practically hugging himself in the process with a mildly surprised, yet comforted look his face.

"Did someone wash this with fabric softener while I was a kid?"

"I certainly didn't," Mona said even though she had been in no way involved with the process of washing the clothes for the past year. "You're probably just interpreting it as softer because you're more comfortable in it."

"Probably," Plague Knight replied, looking at the mask he held in his hands with a loving gaze, causing Mona to snicker at him. "Oh shush, you."

"No, I won't," she replied, lowering herself so she was at eye level with him.

"What are you…?" Plague Knight questioned as she stared intently at his face.

A broad grin spread on her face. "Yes, pretty fucking sweet indeed," she decided.

"What?" Plague Knight asked, not quite remembering their conversation from almost a full three weeks ago.

"Your eyes," she explained, pointing to her own as if to help him understand.

A moment of silence passed, and suddenly it clicked. "Oh right!" He shouted. He darted away into Mona's room and stared at his face. "So _that's_ what my face looks like!"

Mona entered at a much slower pace than her partner, leaning against the doorframe when she arrived. "Doesn't your room have a mirror?"

Plague Knight spared her a glance for a brief moment before returning to looking at his face. "Does it?"

"I think it does. Now then, should we return to the not dying portion of your day?"

Plague Knight laughed nervously. "Uh, that would be wise. My gums are still bleeding, actually."

"Yeah, that's not good. Come on then."

Plague Knight nodded and started walking, putting on his mask while asking, "Hey, where'd the Magicist run off to?"

"Well, hopefully she's rummaging through our stock and finding you a health potion."

"Hopefully?"

"Yes, well, she may have just run off for all I know."

The two alchemists entered the side room where they stockpiled their potions and found that the Magicist was indeed there.

"There you are. Took you long enough. Do you seriously only have one of these?" Despite literally just expressing concern over how many of the tonics they had, she tossed the one she had found to Plague Knight in a rather haphazardous manner that indicated that she really didn't care.

"No, you just aren't looking in the right place," Mona explained while Plague Knight fumbled about, desperately trying to get a good grip on the bottle.

"Oh, so someone just put one, and only one, in a totally incorrect spot."

"Got that right." There was the sound of shattering glass and the two women looked behind them to find Plague Knight had ultimately failed to secure his grip on the bottle, and it had fallen to the ground.

"Oops," he muttered.

Mona chuckled and tossed him another one. The Magicist had to do a comical double take as she realized that they were right there in front of her all along.

This one he managed to catch with relative ease. He happily sucked it down and exclaimed, "Wow, I didn't realize how crappy I felt until now!"

"How?" Mona asked. "When I awoke this morning, you were nothing but a shaking lump. How would you not notice?"

"I blocked it out," he explained with a shrug, confused when he saw Mona had a thoroughly dumbfounded look on her face. "Is that impressive?"

Mona completely ignored this question and muttered, "I've been working with this guy for how long now? And he's been able to just shrug off the effects of poison this whole time?"

"Uh, Mona?" Plague Knight asked, waving a hand in front of her face in an attempt to garner her attention.

Mona looked down at him. "Yes?"

"What were you muttering about?"

"Nothing," she said quickly. Clapping her hands together, she suggested, "So, shall we go catch us a snake?"

"Sure, but how are we going to lure it out?"

Mona opened her mouth and paused. "I have no clue." She turned to the Magicist. "Does that book of yours say how to catch a snake?"

"No it does not."

Mona sighed. "Alright, we'll just have to improvise then. Let's see, we'll need a case to keep it in, and something to pick it up with."

"Hands," Plague Knight suggested.

"After what happened to you? I think not."

"I'm already poisoned, though."

"Yes, but another dose of the stuff will start to kill you even faster, and if that happens, you'll have to drink twice as many of our limited tonics. We cannot cover the cost of that."

Plague Knight clicked his tongue. "True. My staff?"

"That might be useful for batting it a small distance, but transporting it any farther won't work."

"We could always buy a fishing net."

"Does the town even sell those? We're not exactly right next to the sea here."

"They might."

"Magicist, go see if there isn't a fishing net for sale, would you?"

The Magicist raised an eyebrow. "And you can't do it because why now?"

"I'm going to search for our target. Plus, you're more likely to get the owner to open his doors at this time of day."

"Can't you just kill it?"

"…That would probably be the smarter move."

"Aw, but I kinda want a pet boomslang," Plague Knight said.

"No," Mona replied swiftly. "Any large number of things could go wrong with that. It could poison you again, you might forget to feed it, Xenon might try to play with it and get bitten… I could keep going but I think you get my point."

Plague Knight let out a small sigh. "Fine. You gotta admit, though, testing with its venom would be really neat."

Mona paused as this registered. "Okay, we're keeping it," she decided.

"Really, Mona?" The Magicist asked.

Mona looked to the Magicist, a somewhat offended expression on her face. "What? Think about what we could make with a poison like that! No one would be able to counter it!"

"How you manage to switch from sane to maniacal in beyond me," the Magicist commented.

Plague Knight smiled. "It's quite the interesting little quirk, isn't it?"

The Magicist rolled her eyes. "Whatever, I don't think I care anymore. Do whatever it is your little hearts desire. I'm not taking any responsibility. I still have to deal with the poor adventurers we left behind." The Magicist turned to leave, but then paused and waved Mona over to her side. When the younger woman was close enough, she whispered, "So… when you going to tell him?"

Mona's eyes widened. "Now is not the time for that!" She hissed.

"Yes it is, he's no longer a child, right? You gotta do it some time."

"No, not really. Not unless you force me to do it, but something tells me that would be quite painful for all involved."

"At least it'd get the truth out, though."

"Not necessarily. I could always yell to Plaguey that you've gone mental and tied me up or whatever. He'd help me out, no questions asked."

"Then I'll make a truth serum."

"Do you _really_ want to know the unfiltered version of what goes on in my head?"

"Well, when you say it like that, it sounds scary and I don't want to do it."

"Exactly. Let's face it, if anyone heard my rambling under the effects of a truth serum, I would most likely be deemed insane or a severe threat to the general populace."

"Oh, it wouldn't be that bad." Mona fixed her with a blank stare. "Okay, fine, if you say so. I won't do that, then."

"Yeah. Are you going to leave now, or…?"

"Oh, yes, thank you for reminding me. Be sure not to die too painfully."

The alchemists watched the magician leave with apathy.

"What did she say to you?" Plague Knight questioned.

"Nothing important," Mona lied.

"That's not true and you and I both know it."

"It wasn't important to me, how about that?"

"So it would be important to me?"

"It could be important to someone else."

"What 'someone else' do you know?"

"How do you know I'm not dating someone above ground?"

Plague Knight was silent for a moment before finding a hole in her logic. "Then why the hell didn't I meet him during my time as Adam?"

Mona cursed under her breath, wishing that he hadn't figured it out so quickly. "Fine, I'm not, alright? Can you please just let it go for now? I'll tell you when I'm ready."

Plague Knight looked like he was going to argue, but ultimately let it drop. "So are we going to kill it, or keep it?"

"Well, what are the benefits of keeping it?"

Plague Knight raised an eyebrow since she knew what they were, why was she asking? "We get to play with its venom."

"We'd have to take care of it," Mona countered immediately.

Suddenly seeing where she was going with this, Plague Knight smirked. "We could train it to automatically attack anyone it deems a threat."

"Your cat might get hurt."

Plague Knight opened his mouth and paused as he tried to come up with something. Finally, "It's adorable?"

Mona grinned. "I think you're losing this debate," she informed him before moving onto her next point. "Either of us could get poisoned from it."

"Dammit. Uh, intimidation factor?"

"How so?"

"We could… tell someone who's really afraid of snakes that we have one, and it can kill him!"

"Yeah, that's not highly situational at all."

"S-shut up! I'm trying here!"

"And I'm no help at all!"

"Fuck you and all you love!"

"Well, then you're in for a disappointing surprise."

"Wait, what?"

"It's settled, then. We're killing it."

"Can we still take the venom, though?"

"Unless we somehow cut it to ribbons."

Plague Knight nodded in resignation. "Fine, how are we going to kill it?"

Mona raised an eyebrow. "Bombs…"

"Oh right! I haven't gotten to play with those for so long now."

"It's been… what, two weeks since you last got to use them?"

"I know."

"So, off to kill a snake?"

Plague Knight smiled and nodded. "Off to kill a snake!"

And they went off to kill a snake.

* * *

 **That ending, man.**

 **Whatever, one more chapter to go.**


	30. The Final End

**Huh, would you look at that, I remembered this in something vaguely akin to a swift and timely manner. Go me?**

 **Anyway, finally this is the final! Gods that took forever. Oh well, I'm happy. More chapters than S-hovel K-night and a better word count than what The Love of Shield Knight currently has is perfectly fine by me.**

* * *

Short 29

"Ugh, I need a break," Mona complained.

Plague Knight glanced at her. "Fair," he replied simply, following her as she made her way to a nearby chair and sat down. She groaned.

"How hard is it to find a fucking reptile?"

"Apparently very." Plague Knight lightly pat her back in a vague attempt at making her feel better, frowning when she flinched. "You're hurting," he realized. "Why are you trying to hide it?"

Mona tried to wave it off. "It's just still a sensitive spot, Plaguey. Don't read too much into it."

Plague Knight crossed his arms. "I will read too much into it. Now go back to your room and rest."

Mona shook her head. "I'm fine; my feet are the only part of me that's hurting right now."

"Bullshit!" Plague Knight accused with such a stern voice that it actually made his partner cringe. "I didn't look too closely at those wounds when I was allowed a glance at them, but I know that they're pretty bad, and I will not stand by and watch while you run around like an idiot hurting yourself!" He let out a sigh and shook his head. "Can't you see I'm only demanding this from you because I care?"

Mona stared at him for a second before smiling and patting him on the head. Plague Knight had to consciously not react in a negative manner, as was what he almost did out of instinct. Instead, he received the pat with no movement that indicated whether or not he actually got any pleasure from it. With that done, she stood. Plague Knight followed her the whole way back to her room, watching her carefully while listening intently for the slithering noise of the slimy bastard that bit him.

He almost had a heart attack when he actually heard it. He looked to Mona and realized that she had missed it. "Stop," he ordered.

She dutifully paused and glanced back at him. "What?"

"Listen," he hissed.

Several moments passed, and there was not another sound.

Plague Knight let out a low sigh. "Just when I thought we had it, too…"

"What was it?" Mona asked.

"The snake. I heard it."

"It probably ran away."

"Yeah, most likely." He let out another sigh. "And I was hoping to finally stab it and be done with this."

"Just post a notice to the workers to keep an eye out for it." Mona suddenly realized something and lowered her head into her hands with a groan. "We could have just waited for the workers to get here and had them search for it instead."

Plague Knight's eyes widened in realization before he twitched in slight anger. "Excuse me while I go find a suitable place to bang my head against the wall."

Mona laughed. "Yeah, right? Hey, look at it like this, now you will have quite the interesting grand reappearance."

"Interesting as in I have to admit that I got bit, yeah."

"Oh, just make a big scene and no one will care. How about this? I'll go take a nap, and you go prepare the most vulgar speech you can."

Plague Knight raised an eyebrow at the latter half of the suggestion, but nevertheless nodded. "Sure."

* * *

(Many a minute later…)

Plague Knight carefully opened the door and poked his head in. Mona glanced at him from her position on the floor and smiled, giving him a small one fingered wave that had to take the cake for the laziest action he had ever seen her perform, impressive considering some of the things he had seen her do.

"The workers are here?" She guessed.

Plague Knight nodded slowly. "Yeah. Why the fuck are you on the floor?"

"You got my bed all bloody."

Plague Knight frowned. "Oops. Sorry, you know I didn't mean to do that." Mona make a small motion with her hand that he took as a 'don't worry about it' and thusly moved on. "I plan to put on quite the show. Wanna watch?"

Mona nodded and pulled herself to her feet, stretching for a brief moment before following her partner out to the room where all of their underlings had been gathered for reasons that they did not know.

"Bye," Plague Knight told her before jumping away.

With an overdramatic puff of smoke, Plague Knight appeared on the rock where he usually paced about when speaking to his workers.

"Good day, assholes!" He called out. Contrary to what one might expect considering his rather small body, his voice resonated loudly throughout the chamber.

The minions were ecstatic despite the rather rude greeting and there was happy shouting for several moments. Plague Knight made a motion for them to calm themselves, and, very slowly, they did.

Starting to pace almost immediately, Plague Knight announced, "Well, I'm glad you're happy, dumbfucks! I hope that should mean you're not when I announce that one of you fuckheads have tried to kill me!"

Murmuring began immediately, and Plague Knight had to motion for them to go silent again.

"I'm sure the twat in question is quite pissed to know that I'm still alive. Well, if you don't like it, then I dare you come over here and try to kick my ass, ya little prick." He waited for a couple seconds, but no one stepped forward. "As I thought, fucking cretin. Trust me; I'll root you out asshat. As the other important bit of business here, no you are not allowed to leave yet, dunces, the thing that was used in the attempt to take my life was a goddamn snake! Week's paid vacation for whichever one of you numbnuts manages to bring it to me, dead or alive."

There was a brief moment where no one moved. Then it clicked for one guy and he started to dash off. A couple more minions got the idea and followed.

Fearing that Mona might get caught in the ensuing stampede, Plague Knight made a gesture to her, and she swiftly joined him on the rock as everyone else figured out what was going on.

"When was the last time you allowed any of them time off?"

"Honestly?" Plague Knight shrugged. "I can't remember."

"What an amazing boss."

"Hey, they seem to like me."

"True enough. Amazing word choice, by the way. That has to your most insulting speech yet."

Plague Knight gave a small mock bow and started a fake acceptance speech. "Thank you, thank you. The person I have to thank the most for this great achievement is my dear partner Mona, whom has guided me along the path of being a jackass for many a year now."

Mona tried to suppress her laughter in response to this and barely succeeded. "You went a little overboard, I have to say. Was it necessary to call them something rude in literally every sentence?"

Plague Knight shrugged. "I was feeling inspired and came up with all kinds of mean nasty ugly things to call them, and I wasn't prepared to just not use them."

Mona rolled her eyes. "Whatever floats your boat."

Plague Knight nodded. "How long do you figure it will take for them to find the damn thing?"

"Too," was Mona simple response.

Once again, the male alchemist nodded. "Yeah, probably. Just this once, though, I hope you are incorrect."

"Oh, so you want it to take way too?"

"Not in the slightest. I want it dead and the idiot who set it loose in massive pain." He paused and suddenly something came to him. "Oh gods, I know who it is."

Mona cocked her head to the side. "What? Who?"

Plague Knight jumped off the rock. "That moron who realized I was Adam! He wanted to get rid of me while I was still a child, and therefore weaker!"

Mona thought for a second and then shrugged. "Makes sense, I guess. Man, what a dumbass, giving you reason to suspect him."

"Clearly he thought I would be dead."

"But why approach you and confirm your identity? And why not use something more deadly?"

"Maybe he was afraid of hurting an actual child? And maybe he wanted me to suffer a slow and painful death?"

"You didn't seem particularly pained."

"Yeah, it was just slow and obnoxious."

"Well, there's a reason you call them dumbasses."

"That is very much true. Now then, are you going to go back to your room to sleep on the cold hard floor, or are you going to come with me to accuse a potential assailant?"

Mona frowned. "Can't I take the third option?"

Plague Knight had a confused expression on his face as he asked, "There was a third option?"

"Yeah. Sleep in your room, where the bed isn't ruined," Mona informed him with a grin.

Plague Knight's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Oh, uh, sure, I guess. Only fair since I was sleeping in yours for a couple days."

"Damn straight. Don't get yourself killed now!"

Plague Knight waved his hand in an uncaring motion. "Yeah, yeah, I got it. Go rest now. I should be by in around 20 minutes."

He waited until she was gone before turning and calling for another meeting.

* * *

Plague Knight stared at the wriggling mass of workers and growled. He couldn't find the guy if he were wearing a neon flashing sign on his face.

Sighing, he called out, "I don't care if vertical or horizontal, but I want you idiots to form lines, now!"

There was a couple seconds while the command registered in everyone's minds, and then the crowd attempted to act out the demand. Some of the minions thought they should form vertical lines while others thought horizontal lines were best, and in the end the only thing that they achieved was that they majorly ticked off their boss.

"Just make some goddamn lines, is that so much to ask?!" Plague Knight shrieked.

One guy, thinking it wouldn't hurt him to be a smartass, said, "Actually, you didn't ask it, you demanded it."

Plague Knight growled and tossed a couple bombs in the man's general direction. There were a couple horror filled cries of shock and he guessed at least two guys were dead.

"Anyone else want to test my patience?" No one said a word. "Good. Lines, now!"

The remaining minions jumped into action, frantically trying to organize themselves. The end result of five minutes of this was a compromise between the two groups, that being a grid.

"You've got to be kidding me," Plague Knight sighed. "Can't even decide when I give them only two options."

He started to stroll down a lane, staring at the hoods covering their faces before pausing and realizing that this plan wasn't going to work in the slightest.

Returning to his rock, he announced, "I need to speak to the guy I was chatting with yesterday. You know who you are. No, you are not in trouble. Maybe. Depends."

No one spoke up.

Plague Knight looked to one of the minions. "Are there any absences today?"

"Uh, no sir, I don't believe so," the man replied.

"Good. Then where is he?"

"Um, sir, you weren't even here yesterday…"

"It was outside of work hours."

"O-okay sir."

"Alright asshole! Where art thou?"

The response to this was a lot of suppressed chuckling from the mass of workers.

Plague Knight sighed. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Thou art here," came a voice from behind.

Plague Knight jumped in shock and whirled around, finding no one there.

"Boss!" One of his workers cried.

Plague Knight spun around in time to receive an incoming knife headed for the back of his head. Instead of it embedding itself into his skull, it instead lodged itself into his mask. He fell over and didn't dare move. He could feel the tip of the knife brushing against skin.

A minion came over and crouched beside him. "You're still breathing," he observed. Plague Knight recognized the voice as the guy he had thought was the one wanting his head on a platter. Reaching forward and grabbing the knife, he muttered, "You got lucky that time. I didn't think that mask of yours was quite so thick." He pulled out his weapon. "So, I trust you are ready to die?"

"Not a chance," Plague Knight growled, grabbing onto the weapon before it could be used against him. The steel cut into his hand, but he ignored it because he knew he could simply heal it later.

He pushed himself up and headbutted the man in the face. His assailant reeled back and relinquished his grip on the knife. Plague Knight quickly proceeded to toss the blade behind him. Judging from the cry of shock and pain, it probably landed on someone's foot.

The alchemy based knight curled his hand into a tight fist as he stomped over to where the man was trying to shake off his new headache. He glanced up in time to receive a punch right to the side of the head.

"You have no idea how much shit I have got through the past three weeks, and you'd better believe I am not going to take this lying down!"

For the next couple minutes, Plague Knight beat on the man, never quite giving him enough time to recover, but also being sure to not knock him out, which was not particularly difficult considering his lack of strength. The reason was no longer because the asshole had attempted to kill his boss, but rather because the short alchemist desperately needed some stress relief, and this was proving to be the perfect outlet.

He only stopped when someone called out, "I got it!"

After his latest punch connected, Plague Knight glanced back and found someone was holding up a dead snake. Why the guy had been searching instead of heeding the call of his boss was beyond him, but nevertheless, he said, "Week's paid vacation, starting tomorrow. Hold me to it." The man nodded, overjoyed, as he continued. "Put it in the storeroom. You didn't happen to get bitten, by the way, right?" The man shook his head. "Good. You have nothing to worry about. Go on now."

Plague Knight turned back to find that the rest of his workers finally started to do something useful and were now detaining the man who had wished harm upon him.

"Hm, what should I do with you…?" He wondered along as he crouched in front of the man, who growled. "Oh, don't be like that, you've brought this one on yourself. Now then, how do you want to die?"

"I would prefer it if I didn't die, thank you very little," the man spat.

"Then why would you dare attack me?"

"Because I hate you."

"But why? I'm paying you."

"You never give us time off!"

"That's because there's always work to be done. How often do you see me or Mona slacking off besides when we're passed out from exhaustion?"

The man did not respond.

"Exactly. We're doing far more work than you, 24/7 at that. You're allowed to go home every day at 6. Hell, you wouldn't even be here if you didn't find some joy from alchemy, right?"

"I started hating it working here."

"Then why didn't you just give me your two week notice a good long time ago?"

"Because, believe it or not, there's a bounty on your head, and if I kill you I can collect that."

Plague Knight frowned. "And I'm done with you." He then proceeded to shove a bomb in the man's face. Looking up to the men who had held his opponent down, he said, "Let this be a reminder why you don't fuck with me."

The men nodded hastily and made to remove the body from the area.

Pushing himself back into a standing position, Plague Knight turned to the rest of the crowd. "Don't cross me," he snarled to them, earning a couple frightened squeaks in response. "Now then, I'm going to disappear for a couple hours. If you need me, it better be fucking good."

Swiftly, Plague Knight retreated to his room. Along the way, he found Xenon, waiting outside his room with an expectant look on her face.

"Why are you out here?" He questioned as he opened the door. He imagined she would have shrugged if she had actually understood him and was physically capable of such. Instead, incapable of either, she wandered in without any particular sort of reply.

He almost crawled into bed before pausing and looking down at his bloodied hand and groaning, searching through his drawers in the hopes that he actually had a health potion squirreled away somewhere. Eventually, he located one and looked at it with disgust when he found that there was somehow a thin layer of mold on it.

"Ew," he muttered to himself, leaving the room and making his way to the storeroom. After discarding the old potion, healing his hand and washing the blood off, he returned to his room. He lifted Xenon onto the bed and threw his mask and belt to the side before crawling under the covers, snuggling up next to the sleeping Mona.

"Sleep well, my dear," he said, fully aware she likely couldn't hear him. He yawned and closed his eyes, feeling himself drifting off to sleep. Still, he provided his sleeping companion with a final message. "Soon enough, it will almost be like this shit never happened. Except for the cat. She will remain. See you when I wake up, and try not to die until then."

* * *

 **And the lamest fucking ending that has ever existed! Yes, I'm seriously that lazy as to not figure out a proper ending.**

 **I was going through this for errors just a bit ago and was shocked by how... well, odd Plague Knight is. I've been trying to write him closer to his canon crazy self for Queen Propeller and was honestly perturbed by the lack of his constant laugh, but also just his overall characterization. I liked the way he interacts with his minions because it feels more in line with how he would honestly speak to him, but... *shrug*  
In terms of characterization this story was a complete and utter failure on just about every level. As with just the story in general, but I liked making it. It was interesting.**

 **If anyone actually gives a shit about seeing me attempt to write him correctly, I direct you to Queen Propeller. I know that sounds like it's blatantly trying to advertise another one of my stories, and it kinda is. It needs more love, people! It's good for a laugh if nothing else, mostly to me because I keep on trying to _not_ make Plaguey a major character, but he's kinda wormed his way in there anyway. Oops. Dammit, Plague Knight.**


End file.
